A must for a father with a daughter

[redorange]

DATING MY DAUGHTER - 10 RULES

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for
boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not
object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, ***
without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to ***, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should
talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is a indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early".

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make your cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my
daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date
with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything
softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm
enought to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or ***ual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied,
balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for
me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper
coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull in to the driveway you should
exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Isuzoom]

Tama!!! one of the best thread this year............

[Jun aka Pekto]

I have something better. I'm buying a shotgun with ammo clip. Each cartridge holder is for every boyfriend my daughter brings home. I'll also be carving "kill" notches on the wooden stock.

[Chip]

I have something better. I'm buying a shotgun with ammo clip. Each cartridge holder is for every boyfriend my daughter brings home. I'll also be carving "kill" notches on the wooden stock.

HAHAHAHA!
Para ka palang tatay ni commander, he's the quintessential jolly, good-natured former military colonel who you know will tie your intestines in a knot and kick your ass into next month if you look at his daughter wrong, without even breaking stride

[nemo's friend]

naku, kailangan ito ni sir totoybato :-)

[Sarsi]

whew, buti na lang, tapos na ko stage na mag date di na ako ang susunod sa rule, in the coming years, ako ang ruler

tama ka dory, kailangan na kailangan yan ni nap

and keep this in mind,GS

[Jun aka Pekto]

HAHAHAHA!
Para ka palang tatay ni commander, he's the quintessential jolly, good-natured former military colonel who you know will tie your intestines in a knot and kick your ass into next month if you look at his daughter wrong, without even breaking stride

Yep. She's only 10. But some of the neighborhood kids have already passed by and checked her out..... Yeah kid. See this chainsaw? Come here. He He. VRRRRRRNNNNNGGGGGH! VRRRRRNNNNGGGGHHH! See that mesquite branch I just butchered? Pretend that's your leg. That'll teach ya.

[userfriendly]

Very informative thread. Have to keep this in mind.

Almost complete na arsenal ko. Have a pistol and revolver saving up for the shotgun and nail gun. Baka pwede rin cordless drill instead of the nail gun to fasten his pants. Masmasakit yata to.