Marrying a Single Mom

[_Cathy_]

My friends and I have been debating over this and I thought of getting the perpective of guys. If a guy marries a single mom (either widow or had children outside wedlock***), does that mean that the guy will provide for the step children as well?

***Single Mom has zero contact with the father of the step children

Reason why I asked is because my married friend told me that if she gets widowed early she will remarry so that someone coud provide for her and her children. I totally disagree because I don't believe in remarrying. It's just that I don't see men exclusively as providers. If I do get widowed early (hopefully not) then I'd have to raise my children on my own.

[yapoy86]

well if the guy marries a single mom or widowed mom , he should be ready to accept the mom's situation.. marrying her means marrying everything (person,sons, daughters, problems etc) that comes with the woman..assuming that the guy is responsible, mature person..

assuming the woman has children out of wedlock the woman should maintain ZERO personal contact to the father of her children from first marriage or outside wedlock.. if the father still wants to see his child (since he has the right) he must be able to provide for his children and written agreement should be settled between parties..

if widowed, it is another situation since there is no one to provide for her children since their father is already dead.. if she remarries the guy should accept her situation..

well this is from a guys perspective.. its just a matter of acceptance.. if you cannot accept her situation then do not marry the woman..

[Mguy]

A single mom is something to take seriously. They usually go through a lot, most of the times alone.

If a guy is dead serious about the girl, he should accept any baggage she carries with her. No ifs or buts. He should accept the kid wholeheartedly as if the kid was his own.

[pitbullz]

buy 1 take 1 yan hehehe

but your right...men are more than prviders of material comfort...men are made to make women happy :D

[Radical!]

Reason why I asked is because my married friend told me that if she gets widowed early she will remarry so that someone coud provide for her and her children.

Personally, I think this is the wrong reason to marry (or re-marry). I have nothing against marrying a single mom. As long as the reasons are right.

my .002 cents

[nostalgia]

I dont think there is something wrong about being single mom. but her reason for re-marrying is wrong. You don't marry to look for someone to provide for you. She should learn to provide for her kids too. Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, dapat both husband and wife help each other to provide for their family. di na yung lalaki lang. But if her reason is to find someone so she can have companion, I guess okay lang but looking for a partner to have someone to provide for her and her kids is a no no.

Just my two cents.

[s_quilicot]

if true naman ang feelings and intentions then why not diba?

[valvura]

Woman should re-marry out of LOVE...the man should provide step-children out of LOVE of his wife...remember Joseph, the foster father of Jesus Christ?...

[afrasay]

Package deal yan hehehehe. If for some strange reason the father suddenly reappears then let him visit the kid. He is still the fahter of her kid. There you will know if she really loves you.

[uls]

My friends and I have been debating over this and I thought of getting the perpective of guys. If a guy marries a single mom (either widow or had children outside wedlock***), does that mean that the guy will provide for the step children as well?

***Single Mom has zero contact with the father of the step children

Reason why I asked is because my married friend told me that if she gets widowed early she will remarry so that someone coud provide for her and her children. I totally disagree because I don't believe in remarrying. It's just that I don't see men exclusively as providers. If I do get widowed early (hopefully not) then I'd have to raise my children on my own.

Eh baka naman dependent ang iyong friend sa financial support ng husband nya?

that's why ganyan sya mag isip

[_Cathy_]

Mods, I erroneously pressed the quick reply button.

Oo. Housewife siya. She also said that if they break up she will get her half of the guy's assets. Sakin dapat di na siya humati kasi di naman niya pinaghirapan yun eh. Enough na dapat yung support for the children. I have no right to impose my values on her naman.

[uls]

She will gladly take her husband's half coz by the sound of ur kwento, she's in self-preservation mode.

I wouldnt call her desperate. Just practical.

Pag survival ang pinag uusapan, wala na hiya-hiya or prinsi-prinsipyo.

Kapalan na ng mukha yan.

If a rich guy comes along, she will marry that rich guy.

Miss Cathy, i guess ur totally not on the same wavelength as her that's why iba ang pananaw mo.

By the sound of it, u don't worry about money.

So to you, mas important ang prinsipyo.

[Lucius]

Hassle talaga may anak ang girl. Pero kung si Lucy Torres kahit 5 pa okay lang sakin

[LexTer]

kung mahal ng lalaki isang babae. walang problema kahit ilan pa anak nyan.

kaso kawawa si lalaki sa kaibigan mo. seguridad pala habol. hehehe

[_Cathy_]

I do worry about money and as far as I know my friend has way more than I do. I guess we simply differ in values. It's surprising how people could change once money gets involved.

It seems like society is now more accepting of single moms. E howcome my friend who had a child out of wedlock keeps on complaining that no single man will take interest in her? hehe.

[iho250]

If a guy marries a single mom (either widow or had children outside wedlock***), does that mean that the guy will provide for the step children as well?

definitely!! no questions asked!!

[webmiester]

My friends and I have been debating over this and I thought of getting the perpective of guys. If a guy marries a single mom (either widow or had children outside wedlock***), does that mean that the guy will provide for the step children as well?

***Single Mom has zero contact with the father of the step children

Reason why I asked is because my married friend told me that if she gets widowed early she will remarry so that someone coud provide for her and her children. I totally disagree because I don't believe in remarrying. It's just that I don't see men exclusively as providers. If I do get widowed early (hopefully not) then I'd have to raise my children on my own.

Yes, the guy should provide for the step children. They are a family, and families should learn to share their resources. If the woman's reason for searching out a husband for "supportive" purposes, then she is just concerned of their security. I dont see any real reason why this would be a bad thing. It would be a bad thing if she chose to seduce a guy and make him "pikot" for security purposes, but to seek security even from a second marriage is not a bad thing. Security is actually one of the reasons why many people (whether with or without children) get married, and it wouldnt be that different from a single girl without a child who wants to marry her bf first before conceiving to assure a more stable financial support for her/their would-be children. Nauna nga lang yung bata in this case.

"Providing" for the children doesnt just mean financial, of course. It also means providing them with emotional support, with care, and with proper advice. I think I would do that with anyone I lived with, whether or not they are my children.

I actually know of single fathers, as widowers and as out of wedlock. They are fewer than the single moms, but they're out there...so if I return the question to you Cathy: If you fell in love with one of these single dad's, would you take care of his children? Would it be wrong for him to Marry you because he enjoys it when you take care of his children? Would it be wrong for him to think of what is best for his children when he marries you?

Which part of remarrying don't you agree with?

[_Cathy_]

I like to keep my life simple so avoid going into complicated relationships. I have nothing against single dads or widowers but I don't think I could handle being a step mom that is why I applaud step moms that do a good job in both raising both their own and step children.

I do not believe in remarrying because my heart will forever belong to the one that I will marry. If I become a widow early then I would just have to work doubly hard to raise my children alone. I will just focus all my time and energy in taking care of my children. Honestly, I also cannot imagine making love to another guy other than the father of my children (even after death).

[Jun aka Pekto]

I like to keep my life simple so avoid going into complicated relationships. I have nothing against single dads or widowers but I don't think I could handle being a step mom that is why I applaud step moms that do a good job in both raising both their own and step children.

I do not believe in remarrying because my heart will forever belong to the one that I will marry. If I become a widow early then I would just have to work doubly hard to raise my children alone. I will just focus all my time and energy in taking care of my children. Honestly, I also cannot imagine making love to another guy other than the father of my children (even after death).

Meh. That's what virgins and those who have no inkling of real life think.

I told my wife if I died, I expect her to re-marry (hopefully someone filthy rich) and not dwell on memories of me. Live a full life for the sake of the kids. They don't deserve to be without a father.

[badsekktor]

^^^ i agree.