Two weeks ago, I arrived late from work and got into an argument with my wife. At one point, she was telling me about all the sacrifices she makes for the family, in spite of the temptations, and suddenly confessed that she’d had an emotional affair with someone.

These past few months, I haven’t been the best of husbands. I’ve started a new career and was too focused on it. Meanwhile my family’s finances have been at a relative low and we let go of our maids and transferred to a more affordable residence. Before she told me, I would have laughed at the idea of her having an affair, because I thought I knew her these past 15 years. Always haven’t been very malambing, and been the stereotype silent, macho type. I’ve never trusted emotions too much because they fade.

My wife has taken the brunt of the changes. She left behind her very close neighborhood friends, and found herself again as a full blown house wife, taking care of the kids and the house, literally alone. To add to this, my normal insensitivity increased with my attention drawn to work, oftentimes bringing stuff home on weekends, and leaving the rest of the family to go out to the mall while I stayed behind.

Two months ago, my wife suddenly received a text message from some guy who knew her name, claiming he’d found it written on a piece of paper. My wife tried to send her off, but the guy was persistent. Eventually she texted back, and this started a “friendly” relationship.

A month later, they met for lunch, and in a span of two weeks, they met about 8 times. The guy began to become more amorous in his approach and showered her with constant attention through calls and text messages. In short, she became enamored with him and the tone of their messages became romantic and flirtatious.

At one point, the guy asked what she thought of them “making love” and even asked her to come with him on a vacation. My wife confessed at one point she’d texted that she loved him. It was in text that they were more daring in their communication; face to face, it was quite subdued. Though he tried several times, she wouldn’t let him hold her hand.

At some point, natauhan asawa ko. She started dropping hints to the guy to let go, and later met with him to explain why it wasn’t going to happen. He called one time after that, crying, but she would not reconsider. A week later she told me the story.

I love my wife, and believe her (not just her word, but with a little independent info also) In truth, many years ago, I did far-worse things so I’m no saint, though I’ve worked hard at being one this past decade.

I believe our relationship is all right now. I’ve told her how deeply hurt I felt by what she did. I also admitted that I had been a bad husband the past 6 months, with the caveat that I looked at these two matters as only related, but there should be no causal relationship between them.

Dealing with the wounded feelings is difficult and consuming, and posting this through an alternick, I suppose, is one of the ways I am still processing this. I am indeed thankful it did not go too far, and that she ended it herself.

Discovery of infidelity brings about a myriad of emotions. I don’t want marital advice, I NEED HELP DEALING WITH MY ANGER AT THE GUY. He knew she was married, and said he was married too, but separated. Yeah right. I’ve used that line before also.

She refuses to let me know his full name or his circumstances, but I have already devised ways how to find him, and with today’s technology and my resources, it can be done, and I believe I will succeed. I have played it cool all this time, but all these days I have contemplated on how I will get my pound of flesh.

I will go as far as getting his details. Then what should I do? I don’t know what is considered fair and reasonable under the circumstances, or whether I should do anything at all. I have the balls to confront this guy, or devious enough to let his wife know.

Please let me know what you think. If anything, it will help me with processing this. Thanks.