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  1. Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    21,582
    #981
    Quote Originally Posted by Monseratto View Post
    WOuld you?

    Anak ng tipaklong, great bike wall of china ba yan? :D

  2. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    3,754
    #982
    Sa bus. Nagpapa-dede ang isang misis sa kanyang anak pero ayaw dumede ang bata.

    MISIS: (galit) Kung ayaw mong dumede, ibibigay ko 'to sa lalakeng katabi ko!

    After 20 minutes, ayaw pa din dumede ang bata.

    MISIS: (mas lalong nagalit) Ayaw mong dumede, huh? Ibibigay ko na talaga 'to dito sa lalakeng katabi ko!

    LALAKE: Misis, kailangan mo nang magdesisyon. Kanina pa ako dapat bumaba, eh.

  3. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,346
    #983
    Quote Originally Posted by NightRock View Post
    Sa bus. Nagpapa-dede ang isang misis sa kanyang anak pero ayaw dumede ang bata.

    MISIS: (galit) Kung ayaw mong dumede, ibibigay ko 'to sa lalakeng katabi ko!

    After 20 minutes, ayaw pa din dumede ang bata.

    MISIS: (mas lalong nagalit) Ayaw mong dumede, huh? Ibibigay ko na talaga 'to dito sa lalakeng katabi ko!

    LALAKE: Misis, kailangan mo nang magdesisyon. Kanina pa ako dapat bumaba, eh.

    :hysterical:

  4. Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,868
    #984
    This is a TRUE- TO- LIE STORY...
    Isang provincial bus ang kararating lang sa istasyon sa Maynila.
    Isang babaeng pasahero ang pinagkakaguluhan ng mga kalalakihan.
    Kasi ba naman, mahimbing na natutulog ang isang napakagandang babae.
    Ang siste, nakalabas ang malusog na kanaang dibdib, tulo laway ang mga kalalakihan,
    Conductor: Ano ba naman itong pinagkakaguluhan ng mga ito? Mapuntahan nga.
    At nakita niya nga ang walang malay na babae. Litaw ang kanang malusog na dibdib.
    Naglakas loob siyang gisingin ito..
    Conductor: Miss... miss... gising na ho. Nasa Maynila na ho tayo.
    Naalimpungatang Miss: Dito na pala tayo sa Maynila... bakit marami yatang lalaki rito???
    Conductor: Eh kasi ho... (sabay nguso sa dibdib ng babae na nakalabas pa rin)
    Napatingin sa kanyang dibdib ang babae, biglang tumayo at nagsisi- sigaw!!!
    Miss: ANG BABY KO!!! NAWAWALA ANG BABY KO!!!
    :rofl01: :grin2:

  5. Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    26,770
    #985
    Quote Originally Posted by Monseratto View Post
    WOuld you?


    ayoko pang mag suicide.

  6. Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    4,509
    #986
    Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month.

    The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.

    The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?"

    The first boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

    "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (referring to the 2nd boy)

    "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

    "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

    "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison.'"

  7. Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,868
    #987
    One night, Superman was just flying around Metropolis making sure that everything's in order.
    Then suddenly, he saw Wonder Woman thru her bedroom window.
    Lying in her bed totally naked and legs opened wide.
    Superman instantly felt an erection and thought of doing a "quickie" to WW.
    So, faster than a speeding bullet, he f*ck#d WW and flew home happily.
    WW: Did you hear something???
    Invisible Man: No... but my assh*le sure hurts!!!

  8. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    3,754
    #988
    Prof: Juan nagkopyahan ba kayo ng katabi mo ?

    Juan: Hindi po ma`am

    Prof: Anong hindi, parehas na parehas sagot nyo !!
    ...
    Juan: Parehas din po yung tanong na binigay mo e. malamang iisa lang ang sagot. teacher ka ba talaga ?

    hihihi:-) palusot kpa juan!

  9. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    3,754
    #989
    KABIT: kelan mo hihiwalayan ang asawa mo?

    MISTER: ngayon na. paguwi ko

    KABIT: talaga?
    ...
    MISTER: oo. sure na sure na. wala nang makakapag-pigil sakin. ikaw kasi ang mahal ko at sawa nako sa kanya. sasabihin ko ayoko na

    nagmamadaling umuwi si mister sa bahay

    MISTER: kelangan natin mag-usap, may sasabihin ako sayo

    MISIS: ako rin may sasabihin

    MISTER: importante yung sakin

    MISIS: yung akin din

    MISTER: hindi mo naiintindihan... ayoko...

    MISIS: nanalo ako sa lotto 70million! ano yung sasabihin mo?? sabi mo ayoko

    MISTER: aa... ayokong... mawalay sayo. i love you

    hihihi:-)

  10. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    3,754
    #990
    Amo: inday, may pulubi s gate,paalisinn mo nga..

    Inday: Right away!

    Inday to Beggar: hey you putrid-smellingbeggar with the diverse ambiance of scented junk that assails everybody’s nostrils & carbon free lungs, please go away now!
    ...
    Beggar: What?! Who do you think you are?!You pathetic trying hard nanny! how could you, a social climber & very low grade mammal, underestimate a high-class beggar like me? what the hell with u!

    Inday: nakakasakit kana ah! mam oh,ayaw umalis oh!

    hihihi:-) may katapat kna inday!

    TATAY: anak, paki kuha mo nga yung kaning baboy kina padre sa kumbento.

    JUAN: opo tay. pupunta na ako.

    (pagdating sa kumbento)
    ...
    Juan: magandang umaga! may tao po ba sa kumbento?

    FATHER: ano kailangan mo iho?

    Juan: pinapakuha po ni tatay ang kaning baboy.

    Father: ikaw ba ang anak ni pedro? ang gwapo pala naman ng batang ito! nag-aaral ka pa ngayon iho?

    Juan: opo padre.

    Father: ah, mabuti. ano naman ang kinukuha mo?

    JUAN: KANING BABOY po.

    hihihi:-)

Joke Time!