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  1. Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,760
    #3351
    Matalino gumawa at magaling ang nakakita
    [IMG] http://img-9gag-ftw.9cache.com/photo/a1e0K3D_460s.jpg [/IMG]

  2. Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,868
    #3352
    OTHER NAME OF FATHER
    ANAK: `Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?
    (Ina aburido)

    INA: Sabihin mo sa ma`am mo, ang AMA ang TAGA-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!


    CONFIDENT VS. CONFIDENTIAL
    Nagtanong si Totoy kay Erpat, "Itay, ano ang pagkakaiba ng 'confident' at 'confidential'?"
    Erpat says, "Ikaw ay aking anak, I am 'CONFIDENT' doon."
    "Yung kaibigan mo sa kabilang bahay, ay anak ko rin. Iyan ay 'CONFIDENTIAL'."


    EXTRA CHALLENGE
    Si Juan, Pedro at Agustin sumali sa Extra Challenge...

    Paolo Bediones: o sige, pumunta kayo sa gubat at manguha kayo ng sampung prutas at bumalik rito.
    pagkalipas ng 10 minuto, unang bumalik si Juan na may dalang 10 Oranges...

    Paolo Bediones: ganito, isaksak mong lahat iyan sa puwit mo nang hindi ka ngingiti o tatawa.
    'pag nagreact ka, pupugutan kA ng ulo. unang pasok pA lang ng orange, nAtawa na c Juan kAya pinugutan sya...
    sunod si Agustin na mAy dalang 10 Lansones.

    Paolo Bediones: isaksak mo lahat iyan sa puwit mo nang di ka ngingiti o tatawa kundi'y pupugutan kita.
    madaling ngawa ni Agustin 'yon pero nung nasa pangsiyam nA siya, bigla siyang nAtawa. pAgdating niya ng langit..

    San Pedro: o, napanood ko ung extra challenge ha, isa na lang, natAwa ka pa.. bAkit ka ba nAtawa?

    Agustin: kASi nAkita ko si Pedro na my dalang 10 Durian...

    :hysterical: :bwahaha: :hysterical:

  3. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    33,645
    #3353
    Quote Originally Posted by joemarski View Post
    OTHER NAME OF FATHER
    ANAK: `Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?
    (Ina aburido)

    INA: Sabihin mo sa ma`am mo, ang AMA ang TAGA-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!


    CONFIDENT VS. CONFIDENTIAL
    Nagtanong si Totoy kay Erpat, "Itay, ano ang pagkakaiba ng 'confident' at 'confidential'?"
    Erpat says, "Ikaw ay aking anak, I am 'CONFIDENT' doon."
    "Yung kaibigan mo sa kabilang bahay, ay anak ko rin. Iyan ay 'CONFIDENTIAL'."


    EXTRA CHALLENGE
    Si Juan, Pedro at Agustin sumali sa Extra Challenge...

    Paolo Bediones: o sige, pumunta kayo sa gubat at manguha kayo ng sampung prutas at bumalik rito.
    pagkalipas ng 10 minuto, unang bumalik si Juan na may dalang 10 Oranges...

    Paolo Bediones: ganito, isaksak mong lahat iyan sa puwit mo nang hindi ka ngingiti o tatawa.
    'pag nagreact ka, pupugutan kA ng ulo. unang pasok pA lang ng orange, nAtawa na c Juan kAya pinugutan sya...
    sunod si Agustin na mAy dalang 10 Lansones.

    Paolo Bediones: isaksak mo lahat iyan sa puwit mo nang di ka ngingiti o tatawa kundi'y pupugutan kita.
    madaling ngawa ni Agustin 'yon pero nung nasa pangsiyam nA siya, bigla siyang nAtawa. pAgdating niya ng langit..

    San Pedro: o, napanood ko ung extra challenge ha, isa na lang, natAwa ka pa.. bAkit ka ba nAtawa?

    Agustin: kASi nAkita ko si Pedro na my dalang 10 Durian...

    :hysterical: :bwahaha: :hysterical:
    Other version eh langka Ang dala...Joke Time!

  4. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,610
    #3354
    Embarassing Fart Fest...

    During lunch at work last week I ate three plates of beans, which I know I should not have. When I got home, my Girlfriend seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

    I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call.

    The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my Girlfriend was out the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I let three more go. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!

    Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my Girlfriend returned as she apologized for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and 12 dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday."
    Last edited by Monseratto; April 8th, 2015 at 01:00 PM.

  5. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,610
    #3355

  6. Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    5,010
    #3356
    Quote Originally Posted by Monseratto View Post
    Embarassing Fart Fest...

    During lunch at work last week I ate three plates of beans, which I know I should not have. When I got home, my Girlfriend seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

    I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call.

    The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my Girlfriend was out the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I let three more go. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!

    Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my Girlfriend returned as she apologized for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and 12 dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday."
    Hahahaha beri lapter I lappingJoke Time!

    That was a good surprise, the appetizer hahaha

  7. Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,868
    #3357
    LIMANG JET LANG
    Philippines with 50 jetplanes trying TO conquer a country
    General: ilan ang jet ng America?
    Pilot: 100 po at malakas yun
    General: Ang China?
    Pilot: 200 po, ang dami nun lugi tAyo!
    General: EH ang Japan?
    Pilot: Ayun 5 lang po sila kaya nA yan
    General: Ganun!!!! OK Sakupin nA KaAgad sila... SUGURIN ANG JAPAN!
    After 1 hour bumalik ang mga Jet ng Philippines
    General: Oh bakit Nagsibalikan kAyo?
    Pilot: Sir pasugod nA kAmi biglang narinig nAmin sumisigaw yung isang piloto ng jet nila. Ang sabi. LETS VOLT IN!!! :car:


    BUS
    Sa bus, nagpapadede ang babae sa anak, pero ayaw dumede ng bata.
    BABAE galit) Ayaw mong dumede? Ibibigay ko 'to sa lalaking katabi ko.
    20mins na pero ayaw pa din dumede..
    BABAE: (lalong nagalit) Ayaw mo talagang dumede ha.. Ibibigay ko talaga to sa lalaking katabi ko!
    LALAKI: Mam, magdesisyon na kayodapat kanina pa ko bumaba eh. :slurp:


    BENTA ICE WATER
    INTSIK: Ano lugar ito?
    SAN PEDRO: Langit ito.
    INTSIK: Ah, ano diyan sa kabila?
    SAN PEDRO: Impyerno sobrang init
    INTSIK: Sige, lipat ako doon!
    SAN PEDRO: Bakit?
    INTSIK: Ako BENTA ICE WATER!!!!! :grin2:

  8. Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    21,610
    #3358
    Maybe repost...

    MGA INGLESERA SA KANTO:

    1. ats if!

    2. the nerd!

    3. im sick of tired!

    4. true good to be true!

    5. when it rains, it’s four!

    6. once in a new moon.

    7. keep your mouth shock!

    8. connect me if im wrong.

    9. i hope u dont mine.

    10. will u please give me alone?

    11. blessing in the sky!

    12. oh my gas!

    13. PLS. DON’T MAKE FOND OF ME!!!! anong number ang like mo? it’s your CHOOSE not mine! don’t be too so CHOICEY! ;)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Maybe repost...

    MGA INGLESERA SA KANTO:

    1. ats if!

    2. the nerd!

    3. im sick of tired!

    4. true good to be true!

    5. when it rains, itís four!

    6. once in a new moon.

    7. keep your mouth shock!

    8. connect me if im wrong.

    9. i hope u dont mine.

    10. will u please give me alone?

    11. blessing in the sky!

    12. oh my gas!

    13. PLS. DONíT MAKE FOND OF ME!!!! anong number ang like mo? itís your CHOOSE not mine! donít be too so CHOICEY! ;)

  9. Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    37,385
    #3359
    Gas damit!

  10. Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    5,010
    #3360
    May big question ON you



    Tsk tsk tsk the effects of Kris english
    Last edited by jick.cejoco; April 16th, 2015 at 10:24 PM.

Joke Time!