How to really win any election in the Philippines

[kiper]

How to really win any election in the Philippines
No one ever loses an election in this country. One either wins or is cheated. But how does one emerge as the "real" winner, dagdag-bawas notwithstanding? Here are a few tips:

Have showbiz links: Make sure you have something, anything to do with show business. That will send your survey points soaring! The more popular you are, the better. Host a TV show. Appear in a movie in a cameo role. Be a radio commentator, a basketball star, comedian, or action star. Dance or sing during campaign sorties. If all else fails, look like Legolas or invoke Aragorn. Lord of the Rings, after all, is still the box-office hit to beat of all times.

Get the anointment (politicians, after all, are kind of sick) of people who are willing to give it: Try to get yourself endorsed (yup, like a cheap product) by someone. You might want to approach the incumbent, religious groups, past officials. Most importantly, thou shalt not forget the Action king of Philippine Movies

Plaster every place possible with corny posters: Profess to love everyone, even your enemies ("Mahal ko kayong lahat.") Pose with a rose even as you feel Ate Helen probably turning in her grave. "Kung ekonomya ang problema, kailangan ay... pa-cute na magsasaka?" Smile like a schoolgirl in over-alls with a field filled with palay as your background, even in the midst of El Niño.

Appear as the underdog: Identify yourself with the poor and give yourself masa--sounding nicknames all of a sudden. Make yourself the butt of "stupid" jokes. Have your family and yourself duped of millions in a scam perpetrated by a close friend. Have that sad-eyed puppy look. Package yourself as a toughie then cry your heart out on national television as you tell your life story. Do everything so people will pity you. Nora Aunor and Judy Ann Santos didn't make it to the big-time by accident.

The election is just a few days away. Politicians are pulling every trick in the book to emerge as the "real" winner. I just hope that voters see past the tricks, choose a worthy bet, in effect, becoming the "real" winners. As voters, let us not prove to the whole world that our collective national IQ has indeed dropped to an all-time low or has hit rock bottom. As the astute political commentator and observer Kuhol once admonished: "Vote wisely and intelligently." Go out and vote but let's not blow it - not on our 2004.

[kuroy]

Although some of them are also true in some other countries...

[kimpOy]

basta marami kang pera!!!

lalo na dito sa amin mukhang pera ang mga botante dito!

[Monodon]

Tama ka kiper. it's a sad reality here in our country that deserving people who don't have the deep pockets get shelved while rich politicians who dont know the difference between an ordinance and a law get to take the reigns of governance. But i think the real problem lies in the psyche of the Filipino.We are not yet matured as a people.We still have to go through the growing pains to attain political as well as economic maturity.Only then will we see a better government, politicians and country.

[yebo]

you forgot guns. the price of a baby armalite has gone up by 5-10k in the past 6 months. lapit na election eh, the pols are replenishing their armories.

[eyescube]

Originally posted by yebo
you forgot guns. the price of a baby armalite has gone up by 5-10k in the past 6 months. lapit na election eh, the pols are replenishing their armories.

Dude yung " GOONS" din isama mo... he~he~he~

[kimpOy]

hay naku tsongs, may malaking banner dito...

Salamat Sen. Manny Villar
sa Libreng Gamot

eh sa haba ng term nitong ugok na ito bat ngayon lang namigay ng mga gamot, sana noon pa , napakaplastic... pwe!!!
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tapos yung mga local politikos dito halos may mga radio programs silang lahat, 4 years silang nakaupo,
ngayon lang nila na isip yan dahil election na,
...pwe!!!
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ang yayabang pang mag wang wang, wag niyo lang subukan TJM ko! pwe!!!

Although im a registered Voter, hindi ako boboto next year!

[kiper]

if you don't vote u don't have the rights to brag against them.

[kimpOy]

i have the right kiper although i will not vote next year.

i am still a TAX PAYER, at yung buwis na binayabayad ko (natin)
ay siyang ginagamit pambili ng magagarang kotse, pang good time sa AF1, pang condo ng mistress, pang suhol, at iba pa.

[theveed]

IMO Dapat mga tax-paying individuals lang may right mag vote... the "masa" that just leaches off the taxpayers' contributions shouldn't have the right...

[yebo]

"if you don't vote u don't have the rights to brag against them." -- kiper

kaya pala kami mga ofw's ayaw pakingan ng mga politicos, kasi ayaw din pala ninyo kami pakinggan.



"IMO Dapat mga tax-paying individuals lang may right mag vote... the "masa" that just leaches off the taxpayers' contributions shouldn't have the right..." -- theveed

paano ba yan pards, tax exempt kami eh. so talagang di na kami kasali pala?

[masterjoe619]

Para instant win doctorin mo yung COC's

[fukengruven]

kung ayaw mo manalo isang kandidato.. hanap ka ng kapangalan nya.. patakbuhin mo din :D bawas boto

[cutedoc]

sabi nga you should have goons, guns and gold to lead=)

proper machineries, loads of money, good connections

[shadow]

nakalimutan niyo yun isang "G", ang pinaka importante si "GARCI"