Question to all OFW Tsikoteers especially to those working in the oilfield

[TaNgENgot]

Ang upstream facilities starting from wellhead Operations, Gathering stations manifolds, Oil and Gas Separations, gas compression, gas dehydration and conditioning, Gas sweetening, Oil stabilization and export, water treatment and disposal or injection.

And Downstream facilities ay refinery much complicated mas maraming treatment since finish product na dyan depende kung saan ka ma assigned sa dami ng unit oil side or gas side from aviation fuel to bunker oil products depende sa design ng refinery. On my experience mas malalaki ng sweldo ng nasa downstream kesa upstream dont't know why pero halos lahat ng nasa refinery hindi naka rotation naka family status (yearly).

Mas maganda mag start sa upsream since very basic lang ang process

parang mas masarap sa Downstream kasi ang gustong gusto ko po ay sa rotation ( ito N0.1 na gusto ko oil industry)
pero kung mapasok sa work kahit saan na diyan

[NightRock]

Upstream nga ang mostly rotation downstream mostly yearly or 6 months bago maka uwi kasi malimit sa city located ang planta unlike upstream nasa remote area mga location

[TaNgENgot]

pwede pala mahinhin na field operator

[boytsiks]

^^ Pede nga ang babae sa wireline at MWD eh.


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[TaNgENgot]

^^ Pede nga ang babae sa wireline at MWD eh.


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talaga ...di ba pwede kunan ng picture ...buti pa itong mga babae na ito nakakasok ...ako nga gustong gusto mkapasok

[boytsiks]

talaga ...di ba pwede kunan ng picture ...buti pa itong mga babae na ito nakakasok ...ako nga gustong gusto mkapasok

Not that lucky to work with the hotties, lol! Although they all look hot after a week offshore, lol!


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[TaNgENgot]

^^ Pede nga ang babae sa wireline at MWD eh.

mabigat na trabaho doon sa wireline di ba ?

[yebo]

May nakasama ako dati sa schlumberger wireline sila, 1 french saka 1 australian. Ganda nung french kaya minanyak nung french din na company man na matanda, pumatol naman lonely siguro. Yung ausy kartada 5 or 6 lang pero hanep naman sa katawan talaga, braless pa lagi. Lagi sila naka-shorts lang at t-shirt pag nag work kaya naman wala na nagagawang trabaho nasa rig floor pag andun sila. Lagi namin kasama nung medic na indonesian pag dumating supply ng beer namin (sa swamp barge kami nuon, walang bawal-bawal basta walang big boss sa rig). Kami lang naman lagi nila kinakausap, di kasi kami nagpapahalata na tigas t!t! kami sa kanila hehehe!

ngayon kasama namin na babae mga malaysian geologists ng petronas. isang hibi (tapon ulo tapon katawan) saka isang lilitsunin, kahit maghubad itong 2 na ito at end of the world na di pa din papansinin.

TaNgENgot, bihira na kasi nagbibigay ng training/ojt ngayon maliban sa oil companies mismo. Nalulugi kasi sila after ng training talon agad sa better paying outfits so di rin sila ang nakikinabang. Tyagaan mo lang mag-apply saka kahit na na mababa na position patusin mo na, pag nakapasok pakitang gilas para mapansin.

[chrismarte]

^ kuha muna ng experience para tumaas ang market value

Tulad dito sa kompanya ko ngayon, pag candidate ka para maka sampa sa offshore pa training ka ng BOSEIT pag naka training na singit sa resume sabay apply. awa ng dyos sa 5 pinoy na training 3 na wala.

[boytsiks]

May nakasama ako dati sa schlumberger wireline sila, 1 french saka 1 australian. Ganda nung french kaya minanyak nung french din na company man na matanda, pumatol naman lonely siguro. Yung ausy kartada 5 or 6 lang pero hanep naman sa katawan talaga, braless pa lagi. Lagi sila naka-shorts lang at t-shirt pag nag work kaya naman wala na nagagawang trabaho nasa rig floor pag andun sila. Lagi namin kasama nung medic na indonesian pag dumating supply ng beer namin (sa swamp barge kami nuon, walang bawal-bawal basta walang big boss sa rig). Kami lang naman lagi nila kinakausap, di kasi kami nagpapahalata na tigas t!t! kami sa kanila hehehe!

ngayon kasama namin na babae mga malaysian geologists ng petronas. isang hibi (tapon ulo tapon katawan) saka isang lilitsunin, kahit maghubad itong 2 na ito at end of the world na di pa din papansinin.

TaNgENgot, bihira na kasi nagbibigay ng training/ojt ngayon maliban sa oil companies mismo. Nalulugi kasi sila after ng training talon agad sa better paying outfits so di rin sila ang nakikinabang. Tyagaan mo lang mag-apply saka kahit na na mababa na position patusin mo na, pag nakapasok pakitang gilas para mapansin.

Babaeng big blue nga rin yung nakasama ko recently nung nakiconvey ako ng tools sa wireline nila. Yun nga lang hipon, lol! Pero lintek sa accent. Sarap kausap sa telepono, lol!




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[TaNgENgot]

sobra naman iyon .

hibi na talaga ...hahaha

[boytsiks]

mabigat na trabaho doon sa wireline di ba ?

Mabigat ang equipment lol! Although marami na naman light weight tools especially pag rigless ang operations.

Tyaga lang sa pag aapply bro. Lower down din ang expectations sa oilfield.

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[NightRock]

Marami ako trainee dati mga brazilian talaga hindi ka makaka focus pag kasama mo meron pang basta nalang mag huhubad ng coverall at iihi daw sya sa gilid ng tank farm pano mo pag babawalan yon

Di naman mabigat work ang witeline operator naka upo ka lang at para ka din driver mabigat lang pag rig up at rig down ng lubricator pero yung actual job naka upo ka lang

[yebo]

kwento ng kumpare ko na na-assign sa brazil dati, catering nila puro babae. pag kursunada ka papasok na lang sa cabin mo tuloy hubad. pag umayaw ka sila pa magtsitsimis sa iyo.

bagong dating kahapon dito, ang dungis ng balat at mukha. eto yung sinasabi ng kasama ko dati na taga new orleans na bagong hulog lang sa puno, may buntot pa.

[NightRock]

kwento ng kumpare ko na na-assign sa brazil dati, catering nila puro babae. pag kursunada ka papasok na lang sa cabin mo tuloy hubad. pag umayaw ka sila pa magtsitsimis sa iyo.

bagong dating kahapon dito, ang dungis ng balat at mukha. eto yung sinasabi ng kasama ko dati na taga new orleans na bagong hulog lang sa puno, may buntot pa.

common na yan sa mga catering services sa offshore wag lang sa middle east ng nasa russia ako dyan sumakit ulo ko sa mga staff lagi nalang may suntukan nag aagawan at nag susulutan sa mga waitress at cleaners.. Pag nag change crew ang mga catering at cleaners dami naka sickleave.. nag kaka ubusan din ng barya lagi 5 to 25 dollars hehehehe

[TaNgENgot]

common na yan sa mga catering services sa offshore wag lang sa middle east ng nasa russia ako dyan sumakit ulo ko sa mga staff lagi nalang may suntukan nag aagawan at nag susulutan sa mga waitress at cleaners.. Pag nag change crew ang mga catering at cleaners dami naka sickleave.. nag kaka ubusan din ng barya lagi 5 to 25 dollars hehehehe

isa din sa mga hotties iyan mga russian babes

mag susuntukan nga mga iyon hehehe mga anong lahi po iyon nag aaway ?

ayos 25 dollars hahaha ...pag may co worker ka nag papa barya ng 100 dollars ...alam na hehehe

[TaNgENgot]

kwento ng kumpare ko na na-assign sa brazil dati, catering nila puro babae. pag kursunada ka papasok na lang sa cabin mo tuloy hubad. pag umayaw ka sila pa magtsitsimis sa iyo.

bagong dating kahapon dito, ang dungis ng balat at mukha. eto yung sinasabi ng kasama ko dati na taga new orleans na bagong hulog lang sa puno, may buntot pa.

boss yebo ...sigurado po ba kayo kumpare nyo iyon hehehe ..

potek ang iinit pa naman ng mga brazilian

[NightRock]

On my experience biggest valve na encounter ko 60" gate valve motorized and 42" ball valve

[TaNgENgot]

nakita ko lang sa FB ...

OIL FIELD JOB DESCRIPTION


COMPANY MAN (DRILLING SUPERVISOR) - He knows everything there is to know about everything. Usually

has at least 90 years experience. He has personally drilled the deepest

well, been on the worst blowout ever and is the worlds greatest lover.

Thinks everyone is really dumb, except himself. He thinks that most

Toolpusher’s couldn’t even carry his water can. When something bad happens,

he tells everyone he knew it was going to happen 3 weeks ago. Has a unique

way of knowing who to put the blame on. He is usually too much in debt

playing the Stock Market and when he reads about layoffs in the oil

industry, he has nightmares about it. He’s always saying Consultants are

getting paid too much money and would really like to be one, but he knows

there isn’t anyone around in their right mind that would hire him. He prays

every night that the stock market will not crash during his lifetime.


CONSULTANT - Over paid and underworked. Afraid he’s running out of oil

companies to work for. He’s always dreaming of his glory days. Tells

everyone who’ll listen that he was his company’s trouble-shooter before it

went broke or was bought out and everyone got fired. He started his career

as a Mud Engineer, and learned the Company Man business by hanging around

the office and answering the phone when the Company Man and Toolpusher went

to breakfast. Got his first Company Man job in the boom of ’78. He has

worked all over the world and been held hostage 5 times. Has been over to

Omar Khadafi’s vacation villa to discuss world problems. He say’s he’s a

pretty good golfer and has been married 2 or 3 times and tells everyone that

he knows how to avoid paying taxes, alimony and child support.


DRILLING SUPERINTENDENT - He’s the Company Man’s Boss and always an A&M

graduate Petroleum Engineer. He has ended up in this position because of his

seniority. He’s the older engineer by at least 12-14 years. He gets the

blame for everything because the people working under him, some way or the

other, get him to make the wrong final decision at 2:30 in the morning. He

gets out of the office by 4 P.M. , but doesn’t get home until 9. He tells

his wife to tell everyone that calls that he isn’t in. So the guys that work

with him wait until 2:30 to call because they know he will be the one to

answer the phone. He is usually the fall guy for anything bad that happens

and even though his bosses don’t like him, they will never fire him because

they will always need a fall guy. By the age of 58, they will need new

livers and suffer from Alzheimers and still don’t have the big boat they

always dreamed of.


OIL CO. PRESIDENT - The big Kahuna. Ole Fuzzy Nuts. He puts all the blame on

the Old Drilling Superintendant. He never liked him anyway. He feels the

people under him are all incompetent. His heroes are Caesar, Napoleon and

Adolf Hitler. He is always a very good golfer. And that’s about all he does.

He would rather shoot employees than fire them. He has few friends and no

family. He drives a Lexus and burns the motor up because he didn’t know how

to check the oil. And he’s always running out of gas. He believes he should

be API President for life. He also wishes he could do drugs but doesn’t know

where to buy them. He really likes Hillary and would love to see her in

short shorts.


PETROLEUM ENGINEER - He is a graduate of Texas A&M and the oil company he

now works for is the same company his father retired from. He is always 26

years old and he also has a pretty wife. He thinks every job is very easy

and there is never a reason for problems on the rig. He knows the stock

market but is always broke. He buys his clothes at dillards but shops at

Walmart after midnight. His biggest fear is his co-workers finding out aout

his Walmart shopping. He thinks he can run the company better that present

management and has read all the books on Scientology.


O.I.M. - That’s short for Offshore Installation Manager. He’s really only a

glorified Toolpusher that screwed up and got promoted. He tells the

Toolpusher he knows everything and worries a lot about the workboats and

crewboats. He’s beento everey drilling school there is and is either a

grgreat fisherman or a rancher on the side. Tries to make everyone think he

knows how to use a computer and does not like his Superintendent. He doesn’t

like him for something that hahppened when they Roughnecked together. He

thinks he should be Superintendent and that all Company me are stupid.


TOOLPUSHER - On land rigs, he is God, or at least he thinks he is. He dreams

of owning a drilling company and showing the whole world he can drill deeper

wells faster than anyone else. He always talks bad about the Co. Man and how

he’s always having to keep him out of trouble. He dreams of becoming a Co.

Man so he can drive a company car and get coveralls from all the service

hands. Sometimes has a little dog that likes to hump everyone’s leg.


TOOLPUSHER - Offshore, he is really nobody. Has to ask the O.I.M what to do.

Worries about what movies are coming on after 1 in the morning. He hopes the

satellite is working good because he doesn’t know how to change it. More

likely hauled pulpwood or ran crab traps sometime in his life.


DIRECTIONAL DRILLER - 35-55 years old and usually has 3 to 4 years

Toolpusher experience. Became a DD because he could run a calculator and he

knows which way the sun rises and sets. Also the drilling company he was

pushing for went broke and the best he could do with another company was

roughneck. He didn’t want to come down the ladder because when he climbed

it, he left too much BallS**t behind. They are kind of like Oil Company

Representatives. They always know something bad was going to happen and who

to blame it on. Some are married to very young girls and some are not, but

they’re all paying child support. They have a boat, but never use it. They

all live in the country. Most of their wives have boyfriends and those

boyfriends are usually their reliefs. By the time they’re 60 years old, they

have nerve problems, high blood pressure and are very impotent and usually

end up in a state run home for the poor and mentally unstable. Sometimes

they might run into an old Rig Electrician at Walmart. They usually smell of

cigarettes and whiskey.


DD II - When in training, he never learns anything because the old DD will

not teach him. The old hand’s afraid the young hand will learn and work

cheaper and take the old hand’s job. The young hand is always calling his

wife because they’ve never been apart more than 14 days and he’s heard all

the stories about young, pretty wives that are left alone for too long. He

tells everyone it will never happen to him, but we all know it will, and for

the few hands that make it through training, well, we all know what happens

to them too.


MUD ENGINEER - Job title deceiving. They’re not reall Engineers. Their job

is to play with the drilling mud and from time to time, they will recommend

a recipe to put in the mud. Sackhands carry their load most of the time.

However, because of their job titles, most think they are smarter than the

Co. Man or Consultant they are working for. They have also worked on every

rig in every company’s fleet, worked deeper, worked hotter, worked colder,

flew higher, flew lower, taken the worst crewboat ride, and on and on and

on. Just ask one if you don’t believe it.


MUD LOGGER - Very strange individuals. Educated just enough to wake up in

the morning, but guilty of doing the dumbest things. They think Geologist

run the Oilpatch. Normally they have really pale complexions and are MWD

wantabe’s. Always being accused of taking a leak in the rig drains.


MWD HAND - Generally have too much education and not enough common sense.

Very few are married and the one’s that are never talk about their wives or

husbands. They never laugh at jokes, because they don’t understand most of

them, and they talk very little. Their silence is a cover for the hate and

disgust they have for themselves. For the waste of time spent on education

only to find some High-School dropout making 2 to 3 times more money than

them. When *** is brought up, they walk away. You never see one over the age

of 40 and nobody seems to know what happened to them. They spend way to much

time on the internet and worship the ground that Bill and Hillary walk on.

[TaNgENgot]

DRILLER - He’s worked on every Rig in the fleet. Packing a chip on his

shoulder because he thinks that he should have been promoted to Toolpusher

by now. He isn’t kin to the Pusher, but he knows his wife really, really

well.


ASSISTANT DRILLER - Wannabe Directional Driller. Always wondering when the

rest of the “Oilpatch” will catch up to him. Only reason he is not running

the rig now is he still has to count the stands POOH by taking one marble

out of one pocket for each stand and placing it in the other pocket. Still

trying to persuade the Toolpusher, his wife’s brother, that he can count 3

tooljoints without messing up. Only claim to fame is painting the

Derrickman’s Sister’s name and phone number on the Water Tower years ago, in

all the Gulf Coast States.


DERRICKMAN - Wanna be Driller, just like his 3rd cousin. Gets paid 25 cents

more than the roughnecks and thinks he’s getting rich. He’s young and

strong, but also stupid. Knew he wasn’t afraid of heights since the day he

climbed the water tower in his hometown and painted over his sister’s name

and phone number,


SHAKERHAND - Couldn’t cut it as a roughneck because he kept getting his feet

tangled up in the rotary. Got the job at the shakers so that he wouldn’t

hurt no-one else on the Drill crew. Either married to the Driller’s sister

or his Uncle is the Drilling Superintendant, which is the only excuse to how

he could possibly hold down what is most likely the easiest job in the

oilfield. Claims he can tell what the weight and viscosity of the mud is by

simply tasting it.


SACKHAND - Wanna be Mud Engineer. Has his Class “D” Drivers license for

forklift operation, which is gold engraved and mounted in a 5”x7” frame in

his locker next to his 1st cousin’s picture. Claims he developed and holds

the patent for the “Taste Test” that he trained the Shaker Hand, his half

brother, to use extensively.


FLOORHAND - Was a Roustabout but got his break at Roughnecking when the real

Roughneck got drunk and locked up, and couldn’t make it to work, and he’s

also the Pusher’s nephew.


ROUSTABOUT - A real Roughneck wannabe, but usually to dumb to become one,

unless he’s the Pusher’s nephew.


SAFETY COORDINATOR - Not coordinated enough. Usually walks around looking up

all the time. Tries to take charge of safety meetings and claims that the

rig could not operate without his extensive knowledge. In charge of the

satellite receiver, and always asking people about their weight. Always

bragging about how he has to go to the office for another “meeting” with the

big wheels.


ELECTRICIAN - Usually knicknamed “sparky”. Had his own business a long time

ago but wen broke. His third cousin- the Night Pusher, got him his job. Has

been on the same rig 20 or 30 years. Hangs on until they force him to retire

and ends up working at Walmart, greeting people as they come in, always

telling them about the sales in the lighting department. The one’s that get

laid off before their 70 years old usually go to work for the carnival.


MECHANIC - This position is only for offshore and barge rigs. He’s an old

Motorman who can lift his little tool box, but he got the job because he

knows the Superintendant. He gave the Super his first job on a drilling rig

way back when. No kin to anyone on the rig and says that’s just fine with

him.


MOTORMAN - He’s too old to pull slips but he knows how to fix the Kelly

Spinner and Top Drive. Has his own little Tool Box. He’s the Pusher’s Uncle.



CRANE OPERATOR - Has many responsibilities, however, his main responsibility

is checking the fish traps. Constantly in search of an above average

Roustabout to train to run the crane so all he has to do is stand around,

stay clean and talk about deer hunting. Most of the time he is related to

someone very hight up in the office maintain this position.


WELDER - He can never be found and the only ones who believe his stories are

the Roustabouts. Claims to be able to weld toilet paper to a light bulb.

Always says he’s working on something but needs more overtime in order to

finish it. He also helps the Crane Op. with the fish traps. Usually 40-45

years old, or so, and used to be in the National Guard Reserve, but swears

he fought in the Vietnam and Desert Storm. He is still learning to read.

Always day-dreaming, wanting a cold beer and always complaining about the

food. One of the Driller’s is his brother-in-law, and the Driller thinks his

brother-in-law is the best there is.


RIG MEDIC - Wannabe Physician or race car driver but knocked up his

girlfriend and could not afford to go to Med school. Took a job driving an

ambulance to satisfy his hunger for racing. After using all his luck driving

ambulances, he got assigned to a rig as a medic because he just loves

people. Sometimes doubles as a Safety Coordinator.


CEMENTER - Has to call his office to figure every job. Does his very best to

work the entire job without having to get on his unit. Gets more sleep than

anyone on the rig and constantly worries about gaining weight and when his

relief is going to show up. His primary job is to tie down the satellite

dish when the winds pick up.


STORE MANAGER - This person knows how to change the satellite receiver

system and is usually in charge of the football pools unless the Safety

Coordinator beats him to it. He dreams of the Saints going to the Super

Bowl. Doesn’t own coveralls, hard hat or steel-toe boots and doesn’t have a

clue to what a drilling rig really does.


DISPATCHER - Too lazy to work at a real job and has been around the world at

least 5 times. Claims he knows the President, or at least the man in charge,

of every oilfield related company in the Oilpatch. He really should, because

he has dispatched for them at one time or the other. All he ever talks about

is going to work for Production and winning the Lottery. Sometimes doubles

as the Safety Coordinator.


BIT SALESMAN - Now these guys are really dumb. They almost always have bad

backs and pretty wives. He can tell you who’s been fired and who’s been

hired and which rig is the best in the fleet. He also knows where the best

Strip joints are and knows all the girls by their real names.


STEWARD - Usually retired Military. Couldn’t cook then and still can’t.

Claims that his food keeps the rig crews going, and the place couldn’t run

without him. If he’s kin to anyone, they don’t claim him. Usually makes

friends with the Safety Coordinator.


GALLEY HAND - No one knows who they are or where they come from. They tell a

different story each time they are asked. Most are hiding out from the law,

why else would they work 35 days on and 7 days off? They set off to New

Orleans to join the French Foreign Legion, but got suckered in by some

Catering company in Houma to go to work for them. They all hate the cooks

and wish they would fall over-board. Usually, after 3 hitches offshore, they

turn themselves into the law and are never heard from again.



BARGE ENGINEER - Started up the ladder by watching the fish traps as a Crane

Operator and was assigned as a Barge Engineer so he could watch his Soaps

and stay in the cool air. Claims to continuously keep the Toolpusher out of

trouble but actually doesn’t know diddly. Wants to be Toolpusher but doesn’t

have the grunt to go through drilling to get Pusher job. Sometimes doubles

as the Safety Coordinator.


H2S TECHNICIAN - Claims his acute sense of smell is second only to a

Pedigree Basset Hound’s. Usually can find this individual in the rig’s

bathroom or roadside parks, smelling and documenting individual farts.

Graduated from the same School of Arts as the Mud Logger. Extensive

additional overseas schooling accumulated, actually in floral shops, where

he fine tuned his keen sense of smell. When going to the sites of poisonous

gas releases, he expects the cloud to part for him the same way the Red Sea

parted for Moses. Claims he held his breath the entire time while single

handedly capping the highest release of poisonous gas ever recorded, had to

have been over 4,000,000 ppm. This must account for the reason his ears and

eyes bulge out from under-neath his hard hat.