What Are You Thinking About?

[bloowolf]

Minsan naiisip ko pinaparusahan ba ko pero hindi ko alam bakit. I am not a saint pero hindi rin naman ako masamang tao. All I ask is good health for my family tapos sumabay pa na wala na sa si Dr Cutie and just 3 weeks after my second Mom gets sick.

I got a little relief this morning because the 2 doctors I consulted told me that it's only a fever if it's 38. Kahapon below 37.5 na second Mom ko WITHOUT medicines. Her highest is 37.8 on Monday night when I first noticed her voice was bad, tapos ngayon nag 38 bigla. I feel like having a nervous breakdown na. I am so exhausted kasi yung second Mom ko parang bata. She will NOT follow instructions unless bantayan mo. Exposed na exposed na ko kasi she can't even take her temperature properly. I have to give her medicines kahit sa water she won't even finish 1.5L e ang sabi 3 L so every 30 mins I have to go to her room and watch her finish a cup of water. I have to watch her do her throat spray. Ang hirap kasi in NORMAL times dapat na blood works at chest xray na siya.

Just my view, ang Diyos hindi naman ganun na paparusahan ka pero, papaalahanan ka.

Ayaw mo ba kumuha ng alalay/caregiver? Hindi naman real caregiver. Kami kasi may assigned sa Mother ko. Higher salary than regular KB.


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[dr. d]

Minsan naiisip ko pinaparusahan ba ko pero hindi ko alam bakit. I am not a saint pero hindi rin naman ako masamang tao. .

punishing is one thing.
teaching a lesson is an entirely different thing,
although the tool might look very similar...

the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
experience has shown me that His method might have seemed strange, but hey! i could not argue against the result.

[bloowolf]

And Cathy, feel blessed that you are being reminded by God because that shows He still favors you. Kakatukin Nya ulo mo so you have to examine yourself why He does.


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[_Cathy_]

Just my view, ang Diyos hindi naman ganun na paparusahan ka pero, papaalahanan ka.

Ayaw mo ba kumuha ng alalay/caregiver? Hindi naman real caregiver. Kami kasi may assigned sa Mother ko. Higher salary than regular KB.

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That's what my Mom said also (paalala) pero hindi naman ako nakakalimot. When my fat lab got sick last December, I really thought I would lose her. I prayed hard for a miracle and she did recover. I was SO THANKFUL, since then thrice a day online mass ko 6 am, 12 pm and 5 pm. Of course I ask always for good health for my family, they are all I have.

I always say nga teens pa lang quotang quota na ko sa pagsubok. Dami nagsasabi pang telenovela buhay namin and I know that I am so broken because of all that I've gone through in the past and I never recovered. Even STRANGERS when they hear our story, they take pity on us. Sana yung adult years ko would be better, but no, I am middle aged, single, no kids (with very few reproductive years left), living with senior family and jobless. WTF diba? How embarrassing is it na the caretaker of our neighbor said that I will NOT be in this difficult situation (no support) if only I married, kasi when my second Mom got confined several times I did not even know paano hatiin sarili ko e I have no siblings. Kaya nga yung help namin I treat as family na because I long for a big family. What can I do, as an ex said I am incapable of handling a relationship. Now my loved ones are showing signs of ageing and it scares me so much. My Mom always worries for me that I will end up alone, I am thinking maybe I will die early din and it would be more tragic to leave a husband and kids diba? Maiksi kasi life span sa side ng Dad ko

You mean a caregiver for her now? My second Mom is strong and sharp, in fact she still cooks and prepares my meals. When Dr Cutie ordered bed rest for her several years ago, she felt so bad when it was our driver's wife taking care of my food LOL. Nagagalit kasi parang wala na daw siyang silbi. A new stay in maid is out of the question kasi even our help nga since March 2020 hindi nakakapasok ng bahay, we do the housework ourselves wag lang magpapasok ng ibang tao (except recently sa garage/garden) I cannot expect any help to NEVER step foot off our house until the pandemic is over. Problem sa second Mom ko, yung tigas ng ulo, I am not kidding she makes me cry ALL THE TIME because of that. Even with her own body, kaya tumatagal gamutan kasi tatakas at tatakas siya AGAINST doctors orders. Example, there was a time Dr Cutie said she can only walk within the house, di namin alam pag tulog kami sa umaga lumalabas pala at naglalakad around the block. WTF. Kaya pala nagtataka kami why her condition worsened until a neighbor told us they've seen her walking outside Sinumbong ko nga kay Dr Cutie na yun pala dahilan, I did NOT tell my MOm kasi war yun.

Since I went to the US in 2019 wala naman siya naging sakit (she was the reason why I did not want to leave the country for many years kasi I always worry about her so I only left nung magaling na siya) When Dr Cutie passed I feared of what will happen kung magka problema kay second MOm ko. What are the odds na since 2019 healthy siya tapos 3 weeks after Dr CUtie passes away nagkasakit siya? I did not want to show my Mom that I am breaking down pero kanina I cried my heart out to her kasi para na ko sasabog. This is the WORST time talaga magkasakit, I know kailangan niya at the minimum lab works, chest xray at ma auscultate pero di magawa because of the hospital situation. Even the pulmonologist did not order anything. If Dr APS and Dr Cutie were alive we could meet them outside the hospital siguro.

[_Cathy_]

punishing is one thing.
teaching a lesson is an entirely different thing,
although the tool might look very similar...

the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
experience has shown me that His method might have seemed strange, but hey! i could not argue against the result.

And Cathy, feel blessed that you are being reminded by God because that shows He still favors you. Kakatukin Nya ulo mo so you have to examine yourself why He does.

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I'm thankful nga that we survived 2020 and praying hard that we are all safe from covid at flu lang yung sa second Mom ko. I really have to think what I am being reminded of because I try to be a good person naman

[jojopad]

Just be stoic. How we perceive and act on things beyond our control is all that matters.

The philosophy of Stoicism - Massimo Pigliucci - YouTube

[_Cathy_]

Just be stoic. How we perceive and act on things beyond our control is all that matters.

The philosophy of Stoicism - Massimo Pigliucci - YouTube

This is the only place where I can talk about my emotions because I am anonymous. I am very detached in real life

I am so frustrated. I prepared a jug of water for my second Mom. Her doctor asked her to finish 3 to 4 liters a day. 2 liters lang muna binigay ko because she complains it's too much water. 12 am already and she has not finished. I told her to finish it then I caught her throwing the water in the bathroom. Kailangan pala every 30 mins ako magaabot ng baso ng tubig because I can't trust her to drink the water on her own. Even the medicines I need to watch her swallow otherwise baka di inumin on time. I just ask of her to be cooperative so she'd get better. I am so exhausted na but I feel like she doesn't care at all. I feel bad for my biological Mom, sobrang neglected ko na.

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[travajante]

This is the only place where I can talk about my emotions because I am anonymous. I am very detached in real life

I am so frustrated. I prepared a jug of water for my second Mom. Her doctor asked her to finish 3 to 4 liters a day. 2 liters lang muna binigay ko because she complains it's too much water. 12 am already and she has not finished. I told her to finish it then I caught her throwing the water in the bathroom. Kailangan pala every 30 mins ako magaabot ng baso ng tubig because I can't trust her to drink the water on her own. Even the medicines I need to watch her swallow otherwise baka di inumin on time. I just ask of her to be cooperative so she'd get better. I am so exhausted na but I feel like she doesn't care at all. I feel bad for my biological Mom, sobrang neglected ko na.

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We get more & more stubborn by the year, ma'am. Age does that to humans.[emoji4]

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[_Cathy_]

We get more & more stubborn by the year, ma'am. Age does that to humans.[emoji4]

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not really, my Lola is 94 (and surprisingly ALL her siblings are healthy as well) She has so much discipline which I wish I inherited. If a doctor says anything, she will follow it to a T. Remember the era when fats were seen as evil? My Lola did NOT eat butter for YEARS, omg, I cannot even imagine life without butter. Few years ago carbs became the new evil, so now she is telling me to stop eating carbs. She is still sharp, if you talk to her on the phone you will NEVER think she is in her 90s. She walks without assistance (no cane or wheelchair) How I wish I inherited her genes. I think one of her daughters did kasi 60s na yet no maintenance meds.

I guess yung mga tumatagal talaga na healthy maalaga talaga sa katawan at may disiplina. Our family friend doctor was the same, still doing consultations and surgeries at 95 on a special basis. Kaya lang he got sick late 2019 and passed late 2020 If it weren't for the virus, I think he'd still be alive

[travajante]

not really, my Lola is 94 (and surprisingly ALL her siblings are healthy as well) She has so much discipline which I wish I inherited. If a doctor says anything, she will follow it to a T. Remember the era when fats were seen as evil? My Lola did NOT eat butter for YEARS, omg, I cannot even imagine life without butter. Few years ago carbs became the new evil, so now she is telling me to stop eating carbs. She is still sharp, if you talk to her on the phone you will NEVER think she is in her 90s. She walks without assistance (no cane or wheelchair) How I wish I inherited her genes. I think one of her daughters did kasi 60s na yet no maintenance meds.

I guess yung mga tumatagal talaga na healthy maalaga talaga sa katawan at may disiplina. Our family friend doctor was the same, still doing consultations and surgeries at 95 on a special basis. Kaya lang he got sick late 2019 and passed late 2020 If it weren't for the virus, I think he'd still be alive

Your lola, an exception.[emoji4][emoji120]

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