[Merged] Jokes

[silver_corolla]

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the
Philippines?

Contestant: Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

*********

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose
Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?

Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay
letter "L" (Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang
initials ng modern name
nito (Rizal Park).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

************

Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta
pag summer upang maligo?

Contestant: Banyo?

Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.

Contestant: Bubong?

Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga
babaeng naka-bikini.

Contestant: Beerhouse!

************

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na
sumasagip sa iyo pag
ikaw ay nalulunod?

Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng
sabon ang pangalan ng ito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot
mo.

Contestant : Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang
kaniyang katawan.

Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

************

Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na
flotation device sa dagat
upang hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?

Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?

************

Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower
of the Philippines?

Contestant: Sunflower?

Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at
dadagdagan ko pa! Anong
pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S",
nagtatapos sa letrang "A",
at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?

Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!

************

Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess
Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia?

Contestant: Carole KING?

Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.

Contestant: Al QUINN?

Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.

Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.

Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?

Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.

Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?

Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.

Contestant: Jerry PONS?

Host: Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng
piyesa sa Chess. Yung
kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!

************

Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa
500 Peso bill? Clue,
may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant: Nora Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end
sa "Y".

Contestant: Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA
AUNOR!!!

*************

One more dagdag:

Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of
the Philippines?

Contestant: Kuto?

Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.

Contestant: Kutong Lupa!

[carlocaraddict]

:twak:

[silver_corolla]

Q. Why do women close their eyes during ***?
A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The *** is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

[nicolodeon]

Awww, dude. Let's skip them women (and men) jokes. Gender sensitivity you see. Just my opinion.

[baiskee]

pang battle of the brainless to ah. :hihihi:

[quiksie]

werwek tropang trumpo

[odell]

[alwayz_yummy]

hindi ba pang "yabang o panget" sa bubblegang?

[silverbx986]

I need a Beer.

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in; he realizes it's a gay
bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a beer." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your weewee?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that, all I want is a
beer."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell
me the name of your weewee. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It,' and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his, Snickers, because it really 'Satisfies'."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give
him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the gay guy sitting to his left, who is sipping on a
beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The gay guy looks back and says with a smile "Timex," and the thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who
happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because
“Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY, 'Like A Rock'"
and gives a wink.

Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he
comes up with a name.

He exclaims, "The name of my weewee is 'SECRET'. Now give me a damn
beer."

The bartender begins to pour the Cowboy a beer, but with a puzzle
look asked, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A
WOMAN!"

[antonmace]

ayos pre, nakakaaliw yang mga yan!!! add some more dude!!!