The new math

**karlbo** · October 18th, 2006 04:15 AM

[SIZE="5"]ROMANCE MATHEMATICS [/SIZE]

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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[SIZE="5"]OFFICE ARITHMETIC [/SIZE]

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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[SIZE="5"]SHOPPING MATH [/SIZE]

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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[SIZE="5"]GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS [/SIZE]

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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[SIZE="5"]
HAPPINESS [/SIZE]

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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[SIZE="5"]LONGEVITY [/SIZE]

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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[SIZE="5"]
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE [/SIZE]

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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[SIZE="5"]DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE [/SIZE]

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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[SIZE="5"]
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED [/SIZE]
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

**slamtaz** · October 18th, 2006 04:22 AM

hehehe i particularly like the GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS, HAPPINESS AND LONGEVITY stuff.. :evillaugh

**CVT** · October 18th, 2006 09:50 AM

Shopping Math is soooooo true!
I really never haggle.....

:starwars:

**5Speed** · October 18th, 2006 10:24 AM

got it from emails...but still a fun read....

**russpogi** · October 18th, 2006 10:41 AM

So true and soooooo funny!!!

**Eismann** · October 18th, 2006 11:12 AM

Funny but true....most of them!

**mbeige** · October 18th, 2006 12:12 PM

Haha nice one!

**empy** · October 18th, 2006 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by mugen

[SIZE="5"]LONGEVITY [/SIZE]

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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hehe, this reminds me of a joke i always tell:

woman: "honey, can you believe we've been married for 25 years?"
man: "sweetheart, being married to you has felt like 5 minutes...."
woman: "wow, baby, you are so sweet! do you mean that it has been such a joy to be married that the years have flown by and felt like nothing??!"
man: "you didn't let me finish. i was going to say that being married to you has felt like 5 minutes underwater"

:bwahaha: