Nasali si INDAY sa Deal or No Deal

**Memphis Raines** · November 15th, 2007 11:17 PM

Got this from my E-mail. You'll laugh your heart out!

Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4... si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I'm sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case...

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we're to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy...babaguhin pa talaga mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga... tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan... Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten ay sumisigaw ng "LOWER" every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday: Kris, I guess that's not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add "ER" to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso... Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday: Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe... buksan na...

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng "Lower"?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiirita na]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday]

[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I'm not interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It's quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean come on, isn't that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal.

... dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday...

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo... sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that's my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I'm a fan. I choose number 22 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn't bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What's his name?

Inday: Ahh, that's my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it's ok with you. If not, it's ok with me as long as it's ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it's fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn... buksan na!!

...nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga...

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]

Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday... pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay... P3,000,000.

Nanghinayang ang mga audience... Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo.... (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you...

Dodong: I'm so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break... mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. 'Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng "No Deal", ang iba naman ay "Deal".

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value...

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I'm ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker's offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I'd get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there's only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker's offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd... panaginip ba 'to? Ayokonaaa... .

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at ka sama na doon ang case ni Inday...

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa'yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk...

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: ( "kapal naman talaga ng mukha"...bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya't binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

Pati si Banker hinimatay!

THE END.

**VtEC** · November 15th, 2007 11:42 PM

panalo nga yan ha ha ha ha ha

nice one.nagising tuloy ako

**Syuryuken** · November 16th, 2007 05:23 AM

meron ng ganito sa just for laugh thread

**CVT** · November 16th, 2007 07:31 AM

Nakakuha ng katapat si Kris(teta).....

4505:vader:

**vhenok** · November 16th, 2007 10:57 AM

^ And what's next? Inday will go inside PBB...ayush! tignan natin kung kayanin nya i-nosebleed si Kuya

**Taurus** · November 16th, 2007 12:34 PM

[SIZE=2]Another variety of Inday's adventure[/SIZE]

**Taurus** · November 16th, 2007 12:35 PM

[SIZE=2]Here's another one for you

[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]

Whoever is spreading the malicious news of my supposed death is really out of his/her mind. It is a hoax!
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]"I am right here, alive and kicking. I am here to stay longer!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sagot ni INDAY sa balitang patay na siya[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"Minekanikow ni Monico eng mekina neng menikow ni Monica…[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]"Peskow, peksew, Peskow, peksew…[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]"Booteke, betooka, booteeka, booteke, betooka, booteeka…[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]"Damn! I can’t deliver the Filipino tongue twisters!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Si INDAY, nagsasanay ng tongue twisters[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"It is in mistakes that we learn how to grow to be better individuals. You may judge me for what you perceive but it is not my mistake that determines who I am, rather, it is what I do to make things right."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sabi ni INDAY nang makabasag siya ng pinggan[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]JEEPNEY DRIVER: Hoy! Bakit P6 lang ang ibinayad mo? P7 na ang pamasahe ngayon![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]INDAY: I am currently enrolled in a two-year vocational course in an academic institution. Therefore, I am a student, and by this fact, I am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. This is why I provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated in the fare matrix.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]JEEPNEY DRIVER: Aah . . .Okey.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for money.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"I hope that one day you will realize that you should not use people as means to your ends.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, ‘Treat a man as an end in himself.’"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Iyan ang sabi ni INDAY sa holdaper na nanghoholdap sa kanya.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Ang sagot ng HOLDAPER, "Shut up coz if you don’t, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]ANG SOSYAL NA TALAGA NILA, ‘NO?![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"We need to give due respect and the presumption of regularity to the verdict laid down against the former president.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"But guilty or not guilty, he will still be loved by people like me, people belonging to the masses."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Iyan ang sagot ni INDAY sa interbyu ng CNN sa kanya tungkol sa hatol kay ERAP[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"Moisturizing my lips is really an essential part of my beauty routine because spending long hours under bright lights dries them out."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Iyan ang emote ni INDAY sa salamin habang ginagamit ang imported na lipstick ng amo.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"Be shame of your speaking. Did you think that your English grammary are corrected by? It’s better to keep your mouth shock! Connect me if I’m wrong!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Babala ni MELANIE MARQUEZ kay INDAY.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]I’m not extremely good-looking but I have a sense of humor. I’m not breathtakingly intelligent but I’m relatively witty.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"I’m not insanely rich but I’m fairly kind. I’m just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting your acquiantance. So, hi!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Si DODONG, nakikipag-txtm8 kay INDAY[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]P500 = Globe plan subscription[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]P1,800 = glutathione tablet[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]P600 = Olay Total Effects[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]P1,500 = Crocs flip flops[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]P2,000 = for Mama[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Bina-budget ni INDAY ang suweldo niya[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Amo: Inday, bakit mo ibinenta ‘yung sirang silya?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using a five-year projection and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on Property, Plant and Equipment, and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]AMO: (hindi naka-react)[/SIZE]

[/SIZE]

**Taurus** · November 16th, 2007 12:42 PM

More

[SIZE=2]FLASH REPORT![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Inday is alive! She’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that the impostora of Inday was killed.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Ederlyn (Inday’s kapitbahay) was the mastermind.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]SOCO: Bakit mo ipinapatay si Inday?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Kasi, inagaw niya sa akin si[/SIZE][SIZE=2] [/SIZE][SIZE=2]EDERLYN: Dodong![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]INDAY: Mythemaniac! He was never yours…[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]EDERLYN: Dong, mahal kita… Di ba, mahal mo rin ako?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]DODONG: I… never… said… that… I love you![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity? Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain? And tell myself: Why do I choose to fall in the first place when I know from the start that someone is never gonna be there to catch me anyway?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Tanong ni INDAY sa sarili niya nang ma-in love siya sa amo niya.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Finding a perfect love? There is no perfect love… The only thing you can do to make it somehow perfect is to be satisfied!"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Paboritong quotation ni INDAY, bow![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sa restaurant…[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Waiter: Ano po ang order nila, ma’am?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Amo: ‘Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw, Inday, anong sa ‘yo?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken boiled in thick essence of fermented soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts of garlic, onions and basil, sprinkled with fine spices and served with a generous helping of root crop and fragrant jasmine rice.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Waiter: (natigalgal)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Amo: Iho, adobo with rice daw.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I’m nurtured with such dignity, respect and morality! Even poverty can’t make me do such scandalous act![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"***y is from within. I don’t rely on aesthetic products and on skimpy and scantily clad outfits. So pathetic!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Banat[/SIZE][SIZE=2] ni INDAY nang alukin siyang mag-pose sa FHM.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]GREAT NEWS!!![/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Want to receive daily updates straight from your favorite househelp INDAY?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Now you can! Just text FANATXT <space> INDAY <space> ON and send to 2334 for Globe and Touch Mobile subscribers, and 4627 for Smart and Talk ‘N Text. P2.50/text.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Talbog! May FanaTxt na si INDAY![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Never assure that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you… because when pain strikes the heart, love fades away no matter how great it was…"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sabi ni INDAY kay DODONG nang magdesisyon siyang makipag-break dahil nagkita niyang magkausap sina DODONG at EDERLYN.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"Aoy alimin mo ahit inyi bayid. Aamiyin o inyan aoy manyid. Tana ay iong nanyinyinik, chayong nyaap aoy nyanyanyamik. "[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Si PABLING, ngongong manliligaw ni Inday, kinakanta ang Alipin[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Katxt ni INDAY si PACMAN…[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inday: Eow Manny.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Pacman: Ho u? Wir ded u got my #?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inday: Dis is Inday, im one of ur fans.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Pacman: Uh rile? Im hape 2 her dat.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inday: Yeah, I juz want 2 wish u gud luck in ur upcoming bout wd Barrera.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Pacman: Tink u viry much. Pls pray dat I wen des fyt.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inday: Yes, ill pray 4 ur victory. [/SIZE][SIZE=2]Rgardz 2 Ara, este… JOKE lang![/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Pacman: Kaw ha, pelya ka![/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Ang bigat ni Inday, kabiruan na si Pacman![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"I tried my best to wait for you. I’ve shouted, but you didn’t come out. You didn’t even respond. Now you want me to go back?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sabi ng MAGTATAHO kay Inday![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"Beri-beri, a Singhalese word which means ‘weakness,’ is a disease that caused death, particularly among prisoners and sailors. It is a disease caused by a deficiency in Vitamin B1."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Reaksyon ni INDAY nang malamang ikukulong si Erap.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"If the radius of the circle is 8 inches, and if we are going to divide it to 8 equal parts, the arc length should be 2 inches, neither 1 nor whatsoever.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"It is so disgusting that there are no equality among division of parts whereas complementary to what am I saying about.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"This matter is not indispensable, on a part that it should be diminished accordingly for future’s sake."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Si INDAY, nag-e-emote! Mas malaki kasi ang pizza slice na ibinigay kay EDERLYN nang ininterbyu sila sa Oprah Show (Naks! [/SIZE][SIZE=2]International na!)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"To make it stand, you wet it! To make it wet, you suck it! To make it stiff, you lick it! To get it in, you push it!" "Damn! Ang hirap maglagay ng sinulid sa karayom! ‘Kainis!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Si INDAY, tinuturuang manahi si SIR. Flirty-flirty si Inday, huh?![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"A Peeping Tom like you has no place in this society. Although I admit that I have a beautiful body, you have no right, nor privilege to feast on it without my knowledge.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"Such a Satanic act must be stopped immediately. I condemn what you did and I have no other recourse but to bring this matter to Sir and Ma’am for proper action."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Sabi ni INDAY sa HARDINERO na nahuli niyang sinisilipan siya habang naliligo[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]"I will be out of the country starting tomorrow until September 30 for an overseas engagement. It would be appreciated if you would refrain from sending forwarded messages ‘till I come back since I am on roaming and it costs Php10.00/msg received by the overseas network. Thanks."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Txt ni INDAY kina DODONG at MANANG noong isinama siya ng amo niya sa Madrid , España[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Please pray for the quick recovery of INDAY![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]She’s currently in the ICU because of excessive nose bleeding which she had while accompanying Junior in his school’s LINGGO NG WIKA celebration.[/SIZE]