Continuation...

>51 Honk if you love peace & quiet.
>52 Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
>53 Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various
important
>occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why> >restrict it to
plants?
>Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
>54 Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be
reminded
>every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we
are
>doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
>55 If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why
don't
>you>
> >ever see anyone take one to the beach?
>56 Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone
>companies,and> >when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV>
>shows, and
>when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
>57 Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay
to
>go>
> >the> >bathroom in a handicapped stall?
>58 All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me?
No>
> >wonder> >they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just> >what did
those
>idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
>59 Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that
when
>the>
> >person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you> >are
compelled
>to
>move up too? Do we really think we are making progress> >toward our
>destination? Whew, I thought we> >would be late, but now that I am
nine
>inches closer, I can stop forcoffee > >and a danish!"
>60 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
>61 Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you
just
>sit>
> >there.
>62 An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just
>foundout.
>63 Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now.
>64 If it was a three hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many
>clothes>
> >with her?
>65 Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients BUT dishwashing
>liquid>
> >contains real lemons?
>66 Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
>67 Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
>68 Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
>69 Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>70 What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
>71 If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there
>isno>
> >woman around to hear him - Is he still wrong?
>72 If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with
soap?
>73 Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?"
>74 Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>75 What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered
>>
> >plant?
>76 If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
>77 Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
>78 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
>willclean> >them?
>79 If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
>80 If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
>81 Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>82 Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
>83 If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
>remain>
> >silent?
>84 How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
>85 Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
>86 Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>87 Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste
funny?
>88 What was the best thing before sliced bread?
>89 What if there were no hypothetical situations?
>90 If you are dyslexic and cross-eyed, can you read okay?
>91 Who puts those THIN ICE" signs out there?"
>92 If the world were flat would we still have Columbus Day?
>93 When people make a new Champagne, do they break a boat over it?
>94 Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>95 Why is the word abbreviation so long?
>96 Can fat people go skinny dipping?
>97 Why doesn't anyone make a table out of coaster material?
>98 How come when you fix your copier it reproduces, but when you fix
a
>dogit
>doesn't?
>99 If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, and olive oil is made of
>olives,>
> >what is baby oil made of?
>100 Why are there locks on a 7-11 if they're open 24 hours a day?
>101 How does Teflon stick to the pan?
>102 Why isn't phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?"
>103 Why are they called apartments if they're all squeezed together?
>104 If pro is the opposite of con, then is progress the opposite of
>congress?
>105 Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
>106 If a cow laughed, would milk come of out her nose?
>107 What is a free gift?" Aren't all gifts free?"
>108 If at first you don't succeed, deny you were even trying.
>109 There's nothing more annoying than two people talking when your
>interrupting.
>110 He who laughs last thinks slowest!
>111 It takes many nails to build a cradle, but only one screw to fill
it.
>112 I'm not humble because I don't like to lie.
>113 Don't give me that there's no I in team" crap. There's no U in
team
>either. "
>114 No one likes a loser. Be a cheater.
>115 I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
>116 It's not kids in the backseat that cause accidents, it's
accidents
>inthe
>back seat that cause kids.
>117 Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the senic
>route.
>118 If someone has a mid-life crisis during a hide-&-seek game, does
that
>mean he automatically loses because he can't find> himself?
>119 Sarcasm keeps you from telling people what you really think of
them.
>120 You can't be late until you show up.
>121 I talk to myself mainly because I like dealing with a better
class of
>people.
>122 The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's
unfamiliar
>territory.
>123 Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
>124 Computers help us do stupid things faster.
>125 Life is a ***ually transmitted disease, & it's 100% fatal.
>126 My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
>127 Make war, not love, it's safer.
>128 If a person with multiple personalities threatens to kill
themself, is
>that considered a hostage situation.
>129 Don't lie, steal, or cheat, because the government hates
competition.
>130 If you want to honor something, hold a canned food drive.
>131 The ultimate form of hypocrisy is someone persuading you to be
>individualistic.
>132 Wise man once say, man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with
>smelly>
> >finger.
>133 It is impossible to get drunk if you have puppets glued to your
hands.
>134 If we are here to help others, what are the others here for?
>135 We treat star atheletes better because they are better people.
>136 Anything can be obtained through hard work, perseverance, and a
large>
> >assortment of automatic weapons.>