A long answer to a short question...

**ogpro** · May 10th, 2007 03:24 AM

Thought I'd share a response to a question posed recently by someone who was a bit confused about her relationship. I know it's long, but hey, if it helps even one person gain a bit of clarity, then I'm ok. With all the bad news in the world, lets toss around the concept of LOVE for a while.

The question verbatim:

Do you love your future wife? YES.

like do u love that you cant live without her..
or love coz you learnt to love her
or its the right thing to do.?

I'd like to say it's a mixture of all three. I've learned a few things in the past couple of years. I came to realize that love (in the sense that we try to define it, true love, love for a lifetime, etc) is both a chemical/emotional thing, and at the same time, rooted in a deep cerebral understanding of what it should mean to a person. In the end, love is a CHOICE. Uhm, hokay, I'm going to have to explain that....

I've been in love a few times before...of course it all starts with that high school kind of infatuated love at first. By the last time I knew I was in love, it was a deep love that can only be achieved when tempered with maturity. I knew I was in love, it just turned out she was the wrong person. I'm glad I found that out then. The loss hurt (oh yeaaah), but it also taught me more about what is needed in a relationship that's supposed to last a lifetime.

When xxxxxxxx and I started dating, I knew I was attracted to her, but it wasn't a lust kind of attraction. I knew she was a cool person, and I wanted to get to know her better. As it progressed, I realized I was falling in love with her because she was a beautiful person, in and out. I've always been looking for a specific kind of chemistry, one that made me respect a person for her world views and her care and respect for her fellow man. That was very very important to me, because it meant (to me) she had a good heart and was raised right and we'd be able to see eye to eye. Put that together with a physical beauty (and ***iness of course) that makes me lust for her everyday, then you've got Miss Perfect. (Actually being in love with someone makes them all the more attractive physically, I think it's a psychological thing) I knew it was a tall order but I never gave up on it. Well, lucky me, it turns out that that's xxxxxxxx in a nutshell. Boy was I glad I didn't give up.

So, that part of the equation was resolved. The other, more important part was, ME.

It is one thing to love someone, and another to be ready to give someone your life. Guys will understand what I'm talking about (and a few girls I suppose). Most men have the ability to be attracted to more than one woman...like most mammals, we're just naturally pre-disposed to be. Call it nature, call it what you may (arf arf). But that's what it is. I don't think a man (or a woman) can truly be ready for a lifelong relationship unless they make that choice to be IN LOVE with one person for a lifetime. That's exactly it, a CHOICE. It's a choice to STOP LOOKING, it's a choice to BE CONTENT with what you have now, and most importantly, it is a choice to GIVE YOURSELF.

While that choice is easier to make when you've found Ms. Perfect, in my case xxxxxxxx, it's still very hard because it represents putting an end to what you've been doing your whole life, and that's LOOKING. This is where most guys fudge it up. It's like stopping a runaway train. Especially in my case, I had been at it for almost a couple of decades. I don't have any tips on how to make that choice stick, we are all wired differently. You can start with...RESPECT, not only for your partner, but for yourself, DISCIPLINE, having to stop yourself from looking is hard work, trust me, and of course, LOVE.

I'm not going to get into religion and morality, mainly because they're man made concepts that, while getting a few things right, still leave much to be desired.

So there you have it, xxxxxxxx IS someone I truly love. She's a wonderful person, and one that deserves nothing but the best from me. But, it is a choice I still had to make to be that man in her life forever. I had to make it, and there was nothing she could have done or said to force me to make that choice. It was strictly up to me. I chose to be with her for the rest of my life. I chose to love her, guarantee her happiness, and be everything she needs. That comes with a lot of responsibilities, but it was, and is, my CHOICE to take them all on, to the very best of my abilities.

To answer your question(s),

Yes, I learned to love her. For as long as I am in love with her, I wouldn't be able to live without her, and I believe loving her is the right thing to do.

**oldblue** · May 11th, 2007 03:19 AM

wow that's one long answer

**dazedchiq** · June 6th, 2007 02:21 AM

and a very good one

**Flagg** · June 6th, 2007 03:20 AM

Eh ikaw oldblue, ano say mo?...

**cutedoc** · June 6th, 2007 11:13 PM

love is being happy seeing the one you love who loves you happy ...sirrah

i believe love is a choice, but somehow along the way of making that crucial choice, you are bound by different questions, and when you think deeper to answer, it will only create headache and in the end you wont be able to choose properly...