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December 6th, 2004 06:57 PM #1
Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" "***!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O. K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, ......... "Parkinson's."
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FrankDrebin Guest
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December 6th, 2004 08:23 PM #6
Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying
home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the heck is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
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December 6th, 2004 08:25 PM #7
A Guy Walks Into A Bar
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... like a telephone... on his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.
The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular."
The bartender says "Prove it."
The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible", says the bartender... "I would never have believed it!"
"Yeah", said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return.
Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt.
"Oh my god!" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are you hurt?"
The guy turns and says: "No, I'm ok. I'm just waiting for a fax."
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Tsikot Member Rank 3
- Join Date
- Jul 2004
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Kwento ng katrabaho ko, meron daw sya officemate dati na Italiano na tinanong daw bakit...
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