Be Honest... Loving your Children

[theveed]

I only have one son, and I love him to death, as in I can't imagine loving anybody/anything more right now...

For those who have more than one child. Here's my question.

How can you balance the affection you show to your children?

Everybody knows that a lot of parents either shows a different level of affection to the first born and the last-born, hence the issue of "middle child syndrome" came to life...

(Note, we're not expecting a second child, not anytime soon...)

Now I know there are parents who don't mind showing the discrepancies among siblings (boy, my father-in-law will kill me if he saw this hehe), yung talagang obvious sino favorite... But I'm sure most "modern" parents of this generation (meaning late 20s-mid 30s generation) tend to change their child-affection approach...

Feeling ko kasi, I can't seem to assure myself that I can give the same level affection to my next child (kung magkakaroon) than my Yokes right now (that's his nickname)... That's something I don't want to do, not being fair to the sibling just because di sya panganay.

Neither do you want to reduce your affection to the older one just because a younger sibling arrived...

[Eismann]

Bro I'm a father of 3 children.

Eldest is 7 going 8 y.o. this Aug -- a boy, 2nd and 3rd are daughters, 6 and 4.

When the youngest was still an infant, the middle child is jealous of her. What I tried to do that time is show more affection to her to acknowledge her feelings of jealousy and insecurity....and because my son is her kalaro at home...naging madali for her to adjust to the new family member...then when the youngest was growing up and becoming more conscious of attention...she became the centerpiece because the two older kids were magkakampi. When the 4 of us play together, magkakampi yung 2 older kids and kakampi ko yung youngest. Sibling rivalry is normal and you don't have to feel guilty if that exists. What you need to remember is that every kid is unique so you have to treat him/her the best way it is for him or her...but most of all, the kids just need more time from us parents. An advice given in one of the parenting seminars is to spend time with each kid separate from each other...I am trying that soon too.

Good luck with your parenting.

[mikey177]

Parang Rebisco sandwich cookies lang yan... iba-iba ang flavor pero lab natin lahat

Seriously though, balancing the affection we show to our kids is, for me, a matter of loving each child in all his or her uniqueness and trying as much as possible not to compare them (which brings about sibling rivalry, etc.) while at the same time acknowledging their individual accomplishments.

For example, my eldest has consistently been near or at the top of his class. He started reading when he was around 3 and he has a very analytical mind. My youngest, OTOH, only managed to make it to the director's list last school year, and pang-7th pa sya sa DL. She only showed interest in reading last year, before she started grade 1. However, even if she does not shine in academics, she has a brilliant artistic side (she loves to sing, act, dance, paint, and she even drew a book for me when she was only five years old).

Instead of pestering her about not being a top student, we just continue to encourage her by reading to her at night and balancing her artistic pursuits with her academics. For our eldest, we make sure he is exposed to more physical endeavors like arts and sports, so that he doesn't have his nose buried in a book all day.

Also, we have a common standard for discipline, chores, and other family matters. When a fight starts between our kids, we don't take sides, but rather, we ask each one to give an instant replay of the steps leading to the fight, and then we help them to process and see for themselves what either of them did wrong. Also, everyone helps with the chores and picks up after him or herself. No primadonnas allowed.

Lastly, we pray together as a family, and we pray for each others concerns to strengthen our bond since, in the final analysis, the persons who will stick with you through thick and thin should be your family members.

[boybi]

theveed, sabi nga nila, you will know when you get there. i have 2 boys, ganyan din inisip ko nung 1 palang.

[rlp1099]

ako rin one boy

iba naman naiisip ko- baka naman ma spoil ko or overindulge or expose to grown up situations too early

panay basa ko ng child rearing "onlies" and only child syndrome books

we just give him all the esposure possible sa peers niya para maka socialize to learn how to share etc.

sentro ng buhay namin lahat so may tendency na surronded lang ng "adults"

one thing i learned you eventually have to make your own rules along the way no matter what I've learned or heard about bringing up only child

OT na ata

I guess you just have to love them wether 1 or 12 mga anak mo, give them the best parenting you possibly can when their time comes sila rin do the same

[kimpOy]

im a father of 2 one boy and 1 girl ages 5 and 2
since di sila pareho ng gender medyo iba ang approach ko, pero pareho and attention na binibigay ko, tama si boybi, you'll know when you get there,

kapag dalawa mas magastos, laging dalawa dapat ang pasalubong...tatlo pala pati si misis dapat may pasalubong...

sa aming magkakapatid kasi (4 kami) pero din ang attention namin kaya siguro madali for me

[stinkaboy]

im not a father yet, but some of my friends think the way you do.they are worried that they might not give the other child the same love and affection that they have given to the first born. Pero sabi nila they will know what to do if may 2nd child na.

[jim]

3 sons here and i love them all the same. iba lang yung level ng pagdidisiplina ko sa bawat isa sa kanila kasi iba-iba ang ugali. pero kung affection parehas lang talaga. pag bibili ako ng laruan lahat sila meron, etc.

[3kster]

Pareho pala kami ni Kimpoy, age 5 and 2, pero ang akin, girl yung panganay at boy yung youngest.

theveed, tama sila, usually malalaman mo pagdating na lang pero as everyone mentioned, you need to cater to where they are good or where they need the most. I was brought up by my parents semi disciplinarian style but as we grew up, parang tropa ko na si erpats and he was able to admit that he was wrong in rearing us that way. He is telling me not to bring up my kids the way he did (he-he-he, lolo instict to his apo, but I think he is right). If they make mistakes or mischief, don't suddenly get angry or "explode". Talk to them and explain and the important thing is make them know that the thing he/she did was wrong and that your angry with what she/he did and not with her/him.

Usually yung panganay ko na babae nagseselos din sa bunso, minsan kahit sa mom nya, pero ganun ang babae. I just explain to her that his brother is very young and needs somebody to take care of him and just as well needs more attention. I just always remind her that she is already an "ate" and she needs to take care of her brother also.

[BlueGirl]

gusto ko narin sana magkababy kaso hindi pa nga kami kinakasal ng Mr.Future ko eh..hehehe..balak sana namin 1yr muna bago magkababy..para makapag enjoy muna na kaming dalawa lang..kasi ibang adjustment nanaman un diba?lalo na saming mga babae..

[stinkaboy]

gusto ko narin sana magkababy kaso hindi pa nga kami kinakasal ng Mr.Future ko eh..hehehe..balak sana namin 1yr muna bago magkababy..para makapag enjoy muna na kaming dalawa lang..kasi ibang adjustment nanaman un diba?lalo na saming mga babae..

this is true, gusto ko din 1year after ng kasal magkababy para enjoy namin ang time na without a baby yet, because there are things to set aside if my baby na.like travelling.

[5Speed]

I have two daughters and we love them to death....the oldest is 8 and the the other is 5 just last May...magkaiba sila ng ugali at mga hilig, pati na sa pagkain...madalas mag-away which is normal for siblings...pero kapag me sakit yung isa eh binabantayan naman nung walang sakit....kapag me umaway na ibang bata ke bunso eh pinagtatanggol ni Ate nya at vice versa which is nakakatuwa....di namin tinuro yon pero natural instinct na yata nila yon....pero kapag silang dalawa lang eh parang mga pusa na nagsisikmatan.... Nung wala pa si bunso eh naiisip din namin yan...at baka nga magselos yung panganay paglabas ni bunso...what we did eh parati namin syang isinasali sa mga usapan tungkol sa magiging bago nyang kapatid, preparing her for her sibling ika nga, kwento at usapang bata ba or baby talk, mas madali kasi silang maka-relate pag ganon....nung malaki na ang tyan ni misis eh bago matulog eh kinakausap pa ni ate yung magiging kapatid nya sa tyan pa lang ni misis and as the time goes by eh sya na ang naiinip at bakit ang tagal daw namang lumabas nung kapatid nya.... nung 8 mos. na sa tyan si bunso eh pag minsan eh nagre-respond na sya sa boses ng ate nya kapag kinakausap sya sumisipa w/c delight ate so much.....at pag minsan e nakakatulog pa si ate na nakapatong ang ulo sa tyan ni misis... kaya nung lumabas si bunso eh di maipaliwanag ang kagalakan ni ate......dahil ate na raw sya at tutulong daw syang mag-alaga kay bunso..... pero grabe ang bonding nung dalawang yon...di nga namin maisip pag minsan kung papano nagkaganon dahil marami kaming pamangkin at di sila ganon ka-close....pati yung mga pinsan namin eh tinatanong kami kung ano raw ang ginawa namin at ganon yung magkapatid... but actually eh di namin alam....

teka ang haba a nito...herherherher

the point is wag mong masyadong isipin yon...natural na lang ang magiging response mo once na andyan na si bunso....

[prinsipe]

sir,ganyan din ako dati, iniisip ko kung pano maging fair sa mga anak ko. I have two sons (3.5 yo and 2.5 yo) and another 1 coming soon (salamat naman at girl na). Ginagawa na lang namin we really try to be fair to them and we encourage them to be each others best friend. Madalas nga ikumpara yun dalawa kasi yun eldest ko maaga nakapagsalita e yun 2nd hanggang ngayon konti pa lang nasasabi.

Pero, para sa akin di ko maiwasan na may favorite ako sa dalawa kasi talagang may mas malambing. Pero we try not to show it to the other. We also try ot to compare kasi para sa amin - Each One a Unique Master Piece (di ko alam kung san ko nakuha yan!) Cheers!

[yebo]

iba naman problem namin ni misis. nung bago kasal kasi kami meron sya niece na hindi na kaya alagaan ng sis-in-law ko. dati kasi npa (no joke, as in cpp-npa) at namatay ang asawa nyang kumander sa military encounter. anyway nagkasakit ang bunso (she has 2 daughters and buntis pa siya nun) at nagkataon na nasa manila sila, so dinala namin sa ospital. naiwan din sa amin kasi hindi naman pwede mag-stay ng matagal ang sis-in-law ko at alam nyo na. anyway we decided to adopt "our baby". she was 1 year old na that time. swerte naman at hindi naman nag-isip pa ng matagal ang sis-in-law ko. extrajudicial na lang, wala kasi birth certificate (sa bundok pinanganak e) so late registration na lang namin sa nso na kami ang nakalagay na parents.

nagalangan kami nuon kasi bagong kasal kami, wala pa kami anak (i mean biological) so inisip namin na baka hindi namin kayang mahalin ang bata na tunay na anak. nagdecide kami na mag-exert ng deliberate effort na kung dadating yung times na lalabas ang natural instinct namin na mas mahalin ang natural na offsprings kesa sa kanya, na hindi namin yun ipapakita o ipaparamdam.

anyway, 3-1/2 years later 3 na anak namin. 4-1/2 years old na ang eldest, 2-1/2 yrs ang 2nd at 2 months and youngest. girls lahat. di na namin naiisip na adopted sya. kaya nga tagal ko bago sumagot dito kasi hindi ko alam kung i-share ko, at nawala na din sa isip ko na may adopted daughter ako. sa isip namin kasi, amin sya, period. nakatulong siguro na eldest siya, since wala pa kami biological children at the time e natutunan namin sya mahalin na isang tunay na anak.

kung ask mo, pantay ba? hypocrite ako kung sasabihin ko na oo. syempre hindi mo maalis yun. ang importante sa amin ay mahal namin sila lahat. yun lang.

[BoEinG_747]

^^^ mas mahirap pala ang situation ni Yebo ,pero sa explanation naman niya na nahahandle niya naman ng maayos

balak sana namin 1yr muna bago magkababy..para makapag enjoy muna na kaming dalawa lang..kasi ibang adjustment nanaman un diba?lalo na saming mga babae..

mas maganda wag ninyo planuhin kung kaylan nyo gusto mag kaanak ,basta kung may dumating or may nabuo (since kasal naman kayo)na baby accept na ninyo,kasi hindi natin hawak ang kapalaran or bukas ,
baka kung kaylan na well prepared na kayo mag ka baby doon naman kayo hindi pagkalooban magka roon dami ganyan lalo na kung nag kakaidad na or busy sa work ang couples

[beachbum]

love is created, and not divided. so everytime na magkababy tayo we create more love. it is not like you have 100% love, then kapag isang baby pa lang 100% love sa kanya, then kapag 2 na ang baby, 50-50 na, then pag 3 na, tig 33% na lang each.

so dont worry. you will never run out of love even as you make as much baby as you want. it's a good thing because pagdami ng bata, pagdami ng love na nacreate mo.

pero financially, syempre, mahahati ang alloted mo for each child.

[BlueGirl]

^^^ mas mahirap pala ang situation ni Yebo ,pero sa explanation naman niya na nahahandle niya naman ng maayos

mas maganda wag ninyo planuhin kung kaylan nyo gusto mag kaanak ,basta kung may dumating or may nabuo (since kasal naman kayo)na baby accept na ninyo,kasi hindi natin hawak ang kapalaran or bukas ,
baka kung kaylan na well prepared na kayo mag ka baby doon naman kayo hindi pagkalooban magka roon dami ganyan lalo na kung nag kakaidad na or busy sa work ang couples

sir hindi pa kami kinakasal..baka matagal pa..hehe..thanks sa advice..gusto kasi namin magtravel sana pag kasal na kami so kung magkakababy agad medyo mahihirapan..ayaw ko din kasi iasa sa yaya yung pag-aalaga eh.."sana" pwde na ako tigil sa work by that time..parang gusto ko maging full time mother para sa mga future kiddies ko..

[BoEinG_747]

sir hindi pa kami kinakasal..baka matagal pa..hehe..thanks sa advice.

mam BG .i just consider kasi na kasal na kayo ,
dahil nagplano na kayo mag kababy kung kylan nyo po gusto
hindi naman cguro kayo papayag sa "PMS" ..peace po

gusto kasi namin magtravel sana pag kasal na kami so kung magkakababy agad medyo mahihirapan

mam BG ,Honeymoon na yata ang tawag doon tour after marriage

ayaw ko din kasi iasa sa yaya yung pag-aalaga eh.."sana" pwde na ako tigil sa work by that time..parang gusto ko maging full time mother para sa mga future kiddies ko.

maganda din idea ito kahit ako ganito gusto ko ,kaya super kayod ako .para ang wifey ay full time sa bahay lang at personal touch sa mga tsikiting

[asterix]

sir hindi pa kami kinakasal..baka matagal pa..hehe..thanks sa advice..gusto kasi namin magtravel sana pag kasal na kami so kung magkakababy agad medyo mahihirapan..ayaw ko din kasi iasa sa yaya yung pag-aalaga eh.."sana" pwde na ako tigil sa work by that time..parang gusto ko maging full time mother para sa mga future kiddies ko..

Hi bluegirl,
Bilib ako sa iyo for wanting to be a full time mother. Iilan na lang ang gumagawa ng ganyan. I believe you will be a great mother soon.

[silhouette]

bluegirl,

i agree with boeing. when you're blessed, accept it and take good care of it.

theveed,

that's the exact dilema i had. i love my son so much and afraid that i cannot give the same love to another child, so i decided and programmed myself not to have another child til he's 8 or 9. after his 7th bday last year, we decided to have another baby coz our son was asking already, and confessed that he's sad being alone. unfortunately, we lost the 2nd while inside the womb. and just last month, we lost our supposedly third girl angel.
why am i sharing this? as mentioned by boeing 'baka kung kaylan na well prepared na kayo mag ka baby doon naman kayo hindi pagkalooban magka roon dami ganyan lalo na kung nag kakaidad na or busy sa work ang couples'.
now we're not sure if we can still work for another angel.
love will always find a way. don't be afraid my friend, we have lots and lots of love to share.
just sharing my friends...