Be Honest... Loving your Children

[theveed]

I only have one son, and I love him to death, as in I can't imagine loving anybody/anything more right now...

For those who have more than one child. Here's my question.

How can you balance the affection you show to your children?

Everybody knows that a lot of parents either shows a different level of affection to the first born and the last-born, hence the issue of "middle child syndrome" came to life...

(Note, we're not expecting a second child, not anytime soon...)

Now I know there are parents who don't mind showing the discrepancies among siblings (boy, my father-in-law will kill me if he saw this hehe), yung talagang obvious sino favorite... But I'm sure most "modern" parents of this generation (meaning late 20s-mid 30s generation) tend to change their child-affection approach...

Feeling ko kasi, I can't seem to assure myself that I can give the same level affection to my next child (kung magkakaroon) than my Yokes right now (that's his nickname)... That's something I don't want to do, not being fair to the sibling just because di sya panganay.

Neither do you want to reduce your affection to the older one just because a younger sibling arrived...

[Eismann]

Bro I'm a father of 3 children.

Eldest is 7 going 8 y.o. this Aug -- a boy, 2nd and 3rd are daughters, 6 and 4.

When the youngest was still an infant, the middle child is jealous of her. What I tried to do that time is show more affection to her to acknowledge her feelings of jealousy and insecurity....and because my son is her kalaro at home...naging madali for her to adjust to the new family member...then when the youngest was growing up and becoming more conscious of attention...she became the centerpiece because the two older kids were magkakampi. When the 4 of us play together, magkakampi yung 2 older kids and kakampi ko yung youngest. Sibling rivalry is normal and you don't have to feel guilty if that exists. What you need to remember is that every kid is unique so you have to treat him/her the best way it is for him or her...but most of all, the kids just need more time from us parents. An advice given in one of the parenting seminars is to spend time with each kid separate from each other...I am trying that soon too.

Good luck with your parenting.

[mikey177]

Parang Rebisco sandwich cookies lang yan... iba-iba ang flavor pero lab natin lahat

Seriously though, balancing the affection we show to our kids is, for me, a matter of loving each child in all his or her uniqueness and trying as much as possible not to compare them (which brings about sibling rivalry, etc.) while at the same time acknowledging their individual accomplishments.

For example, my eldest has consistently been near or at the top of his class. He started reading when he was around 3 and he has a very analytical mind. My youngest, OTOH, only managed to make it to the director's list last school year, and pang-7th pa sya sa DL. She only showed interest in reading last year, before she started grade 1. However, even if she does not shine in academics, she has a brilliant artistic side (she loves to sing, act, dance, paint, and she even drew a book for me when she was only five years old).

Instead of pestering her about not being a top student, we just continue to encourage her by reading to her at night and balancing her artistic pursuits with her academics. For our eldest, we make sure he is exposed to more physical endeavors like arts and sports, so that he doesn't have his nose buried in a book all day.

Also, we have a common standard for discipline, chores, and other family matters. When a fight starts between our kids, we don't take sides, but rather, we ask each one to give an instant replay of the steps leading to the fight, and then we help them to process and see for themselves what either of them did wrong. Also, everyone helps with the chores and picks up after him or herself. No primadonnas allowed.

Lastly, we pray together as a family, and we pray for each others concerns to strengthen our bond since, in the final analysis, the persons who will stick with you through thick and thin should be your family members.

[boybi]

theveed, sabi nga nila, you will know when you get there. i have 2 boys, ganyan din inisip ko nung 1 palang.

[rlp1099]

ako rin one boy

iba naman naiisip ko- baka naman ma spoil ko or overindulge or expose to grown up situations too early

panay basa ko ng child rearing "onlies" and only child syndrome books

we just give him all the esposure possible sa peers niya para maka socialize to learn how to share etc.

sentro ng buhay namin lahat so may tendency na surronded lang ng "adults"

one thing i learned you eventually have to make your own rules along the way no matter what I've learned or heard about bringing up only child

OT na ata

I guess you just have to love them wether 1 or 12 mga anak mo, give them the best parenting you possibly can when their time comes sila rin do the same

[kimpOy]

im a father of 2 one boy and 1 girl ages 5 and 2
since di sila pareho ng gender medyo iba ang approach ko, pero pareho and attention na binibigay ko, tama si boybi, you'll know when you get there,

kapag dalawa mas magastos, laging dalawa dapat ang pasalubong...tatlo pala pati si misis dapat may pasalubong...

sa aming magkakapatid kasi (4 kami) pero din ang attention namin kaya siguro madali for me

[stinkaboy]

im not a father yet, but some of my friends think the way you do.they are worried that they might not give the other child the same love and affection that they have given to the first born. Pero sabi nila they will know what to do if may 2nd child na.

[jim]

3 sons here and i love them all the same. iba lang yung level ng pagdidisiplina ko sa bawat isa sa kanila kasi iba-iba ang ugali. pero kung affection parehas lang talaga. pag bibili ako ng laruan lahat sila meron, etc.

[3kster]

Pareho pala kami ni Kimpoy, age 5 and 2, pero ang akin, girl yung panganay at boy yung youngest.

theveed, tama sila, usually malalaman mo pagdating na lang pero as everyone mentioned, you need to cater to where they are good or where they need the most. I was brought up by my parents semi disciplinarian style but as we grew up, parang tropa ko na si erpats and he was able to admit that he was wrong in rearing us that way. He is telling me not to bring up my kids the way he did (he-he-he, lolo instict to his apo, but I think he is right). If they make mistakes or mischief, don't suddenly get angry or "explode". Talk to them and explain and the important thing is make them know that the thing he/she did was wrong and that your angry with what she/he did and not with her/him.

Usually yung panganay ko na babae nagseselos din sa bunso, minsan kahit sa mom nya, pero ganun ang babae. I just explain to her that his brother is very young and needs somebody to take care of him and just as well needs more attention. I just always remind her that she is already an "ate" and she needs to take care of her brother also.

[BlueGirl]

gusto ko narin sana magkababy kaso hindi pa nga kami kinakasal ng Mr.Future ko eh..hehehe..balak sana namin 1yr muna bago magkababy..para makapag enjoy muna na kaming dalawa lang..kasi ibang adjustment nanaman un diba?lalo na saming mga babae..