His Needs.....Her Needs (long read but really nice)

[m2's kumander]

How can a couple prevent adultery? Dr. Willard Harley in his book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage provides some answers. He has
found that marriages that fail to meet a spouse's needs are more vulnerable to an extramarital affair.
Often the failure of men and women to meet each other's needs is due to a lack of knowledge rather than a selfish unwillingness to be considerate.
Meeting these needs is critically important because in marriages that fail to meet needs, it is striking and alarming how consistently married people seek to
satisfy their unmet needs through an extramarital affair. If any of a spouse's five basic needs goes unmet, that spouse becomes vulnerable to the
temptation of an affair.

First, let's look at the five needs of a wife. The first need is for affection. To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and
approval. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: (1) I'll take care of you and protect you; (2) I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you; (3) I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of you.

Men need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. A hug can communicate all of the affirmations of the previous paragraph. But, affection
can be shown in many ways such as: kisses, cards, flowers, dinners out, opening the car door, holding hands, walks after dinner, back rubs, phone
calls…there are a thousand ways to say "I love you." From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement of her relationship with a man.

The second need is conversation. Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them; they need lots of two-way conversation. In their dating
life prior to marriage, most couples spent time showing each other affection and talking. This shouldn't be dropped after the wedding. When two people get married, each partner has a right to expect the same loving care and attention that prevailed during courtship to continue after the wedding. The
man who takes time to talk to a woman will have an inside track to her heart.

The third need is honesty and openness. A wife needs to trust her husband totally. A sense of security is the common thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security. To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. If she can't trust the signals he sends, she has no foundation on which to build a solid
relationship. Instead of adjusting to him, she always feels off balance; instead of growing toward him, she grows away from him.

Financial commitment is a fourth need a wife experiences. She needs enough money to live comfortably: she needs financial support. No matter how successful a career a woman might have, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.

The fifth need is family commitment. A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. The vast majority of women who get married have a powerful instinct to create a home and have children. Above all, wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.

Preventing Adultery: His Needs
Now, let's look at the five needs husbands have. The first is ***ual fulfillment . The typical wife doesn't understand her husband's deep need for *** anymore than the typical husband understands his wife's deep need for affection. But these two ingredients can work very closely together in a happy, fulfilled marriage. *** can come naturally and often, if there is enough
affection.

The second need for a man is recreational companionship. He needs her to be his playmate. It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join
men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching sports and movies they would never have chosen on
their own.

After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands
to continue their recreational activities without them. But this option is very dangerous to a marriage, because men place surprising importance on having
their wives as recreational companions. Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to *** for the typical husband.

A husband's third need is an attractive spouse. A man needs a wife who looks good to him. Dr. Harley states that in ***ual relationships most men find it nearly impossible to appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone--there must be more. A man's need for physical attractiveness in a mate is profound.

The fourth need for a man is domestic support. He needs peace and quiet. So deep is a husband's need for domestic support from his wife that he often
fantasizes about how she will greet him lovingly and pleasantly at the door, about well-behaved children who likewise act glad to see him and welcome him to the comfort of a well-maintained home.

The fantasy continues as his wife urges him to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty dinner.Later the family goes out for an evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle or fuss. Then he and his wife relax, talk together, and perhaps watch a little television until they
retire at a reasonable hour to love each other. Wives may chuckle at this scenario, but this vision is quite common in the fantasy lives of many men. The male need for his wife to "take care of things"--especially him--is widespread, persistent, and deep.

The fifth need is admiration. He needs her to be proud of him. Wives need to learn how to express the admiration they already feel for their husbands
instead of pressuring them to greater achievements. Honest admiration is a great motivator for men. When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself capable
of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level.

If any of a spouse's five basic needs go unmet, that person becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair. Therefore, the best way to prevent adultery is to meet the needs of your spouse.

[BlueBimmer]

papa-basa ko to kay partner hehe

[kimpOy]

isang lang naman ang need ng man eh he..he

[theveed]

Hehe, kaya nga inuna eh...

Uyy nagbabasa si M2's Kumander!!!

hehehe

[rlp1099]

real world....

if you kept a score card across all those needs baka hirap sa par

sa tennis lagi kang tie breaker tapos delikado ka pa sa crucial points pilit ka maglaro ng high percentage game

[Eismann]

Kung ito lang gauge for a lasting relationship, I can't help to grade my wife and myself and I'm proud to say my wife satisfactorily meets 4 of 5. Yung second lang di nya ma-meet kasi, di sya interested sa sports ko. But this is not a problem for me because we meet halfway naman. I spend time on her hobbies like she spends time watching me on my sports naman. Luv you Honey.....

Yung grade ko sa sarili ko, sa akin na lang muna yun. My time pa naman magbago at maging more honest and open....... he-he-he-he.

[wren]

although i find the article to be very accurate, it's easier said than done. but we all should try...personally, i'm not built to show much affection and not much of a conversationalist...but i'm working on both.

[Eismann]

Right......and not to be perfectionist and all ano, di naman siguro masama if work in progress pa yung ibang factors. Siyempre, huwag lang yung first factor...***ual fulfillment.

[FrankDrebin]

isang lang naman ang need ng man eh he..he

Hehehe. Ang puno't dulo ng lahat. Actually, totoo ito.

[empy]

damn, ang dami palang requirements ang wife ah. akala ko shopping lang, solb na