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  1. Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    222
    #1
    Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi.


    She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.
    They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but
    remained to be "friends."

    They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure
    she's okay. They still date. They still have ***.

    They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each
    other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't
    know the real score. Even

    her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

    She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in
    the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives
    her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their
    friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may
    overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila
    magkaholding hands lagi?

    Sila kaya?

    "He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me.

    Parang kami, pero hindi."

    They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch
    movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books
    for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex
    jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and
    never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she
    heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing
    she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's
    assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

    She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers,
    they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh
    restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.

    They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe
    that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about
    it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's
    important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

    The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual
    understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo- boyfriends.

    Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase
    where the persons involved are more than friends, but not
    quite lovers.

    Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of
    you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your
    gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi
    kayo mag-dyowa.

    Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

    This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for
    different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still
    love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a
    reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna
    magkabalikan.


    It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong
    nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso
    kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

    Testing lang.

    Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually
    the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya
    nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di
    naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya
    nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

    This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
    naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."


    Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
    talagang kasiguraduhan.


    So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi
    naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

    Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.

    Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."

    Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa
    kunwa-kunwarian.

    For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think
    that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship
    at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

    Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships
    din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason
    that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone
    else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

    My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

    Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
    kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag
    tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam
    kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang
    wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

    But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the
    emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae
    lagi ang lugi.

    Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you
    can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga
    ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your
    role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if
    you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.

    Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

    Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
    You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang
    na mahal ka rin niya.

    Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
    Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.

    This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.

    Or if there is a relationship at all.

    Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?

    What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?

    What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys,
    only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

    Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a
    disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would
    be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo
    alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
    pinanghahawakan.

    Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
    hindi "us."

    Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi
    eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship, hindi mo
    maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And
    you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only
    to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with
    somebody else.

    Ang h irap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
    you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

    Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
    Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

    But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the
    process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live
    the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

    When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable
    guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.

    Magpakasaya ka.

    Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

    Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.

    Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero
    hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang
    doon lang siya ...

    almost, but not quite.

  2. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    6,796
    #2
    dumdeeeedddummmmm.

    lagi kong sagot...BAHALA NA.herherher

    this is sooo highschool it hurts.ahahaha

  3. Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    8,837
    #3
    very conditional. so not love

  4. Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,815
    #4
    toooo long to read he he he he.that's what they call "HOPE'.

  5. Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    222
    #5
    hahaha!!! grabe!!!

  6. Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    265
    #6
    wala ba summary... haba basahin

  7. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    2,716
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by maykel View Post
    wala ba summary... haba basahin
    Eto summary, in two languages pa ha ...

    Tagalog version: Parang kayo, pero hindi.

    English version: Almost, but not quite.


  8. Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    326
    #8
    yon ang sinasabing kung talagang sila ay sila nga.

  9. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    693
    #9
    This is what you call a pseudo-relationship, and yes, I can say that it's very hard to be in one. Parang kayo, pero hindi. The good part is that you have no obligations and no emotional stress. It only backfires when one of them falls in love, but the other partner isn't ready for a real relationship. Of course, the person who falls in love can't say or do anything about it because in this kind of relationship, you cannot expect anything from the other person and there wasn't anything to hold on to in the first place.

  10. Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    6,105
    #10
    Yup, I've been there, done that. May GF na talaga ako but i have pseudo-relationships with other girls, mostly my Ex's who couldn't get over me easily. There was even a time na sabay sabay pa talaga. It's really draining, literally and emotionally. On a few occassions, iba sa umaga, iba sa hapon, iba sa gabi.

    I thought I was helping them get over me by staying a little bit more, pero mali pala. I was hurting them a lot more. They understand when the top girl calls, i need to leave as that lady is my priority and not them.

    It was unfair, ako pwede may GF, pero pag sila may BF, ayoko na as I don't like sharing esp with the thought of body fluids.

    Kaya good boy na ako ngayon. When it's over, it's over. My body is exclusive to the lady I'm attached with.

    Somehow, I have this stupid idea that i want to have as many women as i can (had more than 60 before my enlightenment). Life is too short for such a sea of women. But I've come to realize that i only have one heart, eventually, I'll have to choose and stick with only one for the rest of my life.

    I have a few regrets, and having so many women is one of them. It's because i had a hard time discerning between love, like and lust.

    As a born-blessed being that I am, God sent me a lady who swept me off of my feet. Led me to the path of righteousness and true love. It's funny because at first, I didn't even like her at all not knowing that she'll be the one who will rock my world and put me where i should be. It's upon God's will if this lady and I will marry and spend the rest of our lives together but this early, i am really thankful to have met her.




    co_nixz: parang sa peyups galing yan ah. Style ng tga UP ang writing.

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