The Great Dilemma of Pinoys Abroad

[fakesaint]

a good read, nicely written by a friend from korea who's now married to a brit...

In the midst of my very preggy, penguin-like state, Dave and I still managed to stay for a few days in Daejeon city (three hours by bus from Andong) to attend a Pinay friend's daughter's birthday party and to visit some of our other friends as well.

I had several painful contractions on our way home though, and it was really scary. I thought I was going to have the baby right there in the bus. So that's it. No more travelling for me until the baby comes.

As usual, it was rejuvenating to meet my Pinay friends. We may come from different places in the Philippines, and different backgrounds, but you know, as long as there's a videoke, a lot of food, and no pain-in-the-ass killjoys, Pinoys will always bond together and have fun. We do share one big thing in common though: All of us have non-Pinoy husbands.

From endless talks about pregnancy (three of us are preggy!), life in Korea, family planning, Philippine news and showbiz chuchus, etc., we ended up talking about our families in the Philippines. And what can I say? It was sad and annoying. It really made me appreciate my whole family (especially my parents for not having tons of children) and my current state of life more.

I'm talking about the culture of dependence among Filipinos who have family members working or living abroad.

To be clear, I'm not counting those who depend on their spouses for financial support, or those who sacrifice being away from their spouses in order to send their kids to good schools or save up money for a house or a business or whatever it is that will make their lives better. I'm not even counting those who depend on their siblings to go to college (although I don't think it's fair for older children to carry this burden) or old parents whose old-age and weak health leave them no other choice but to depend on their children in order to live.

What annoys me are those people who shamelessly ask for money all the time and actually feel entitled doing so because they assume that their sibling/relative abroad has a better life than they do. Take one of my Pinay friends, for instance. She sends her mother money every month and her 7 siblings all get a share. What's the money for? For house bills, for her siblings' children's school expenses, pambili ng gas, bigas, gatas, etc. Mostly, to support her siblings' baby factories. Worse, some of them don't even bother to work. As in, mega umasa na lang sa remittances ni ate. Of course, it makes perfect sense. Why bother to look for fish when the fish just jumps on your plate every time you need it? She tried a couple of times to send them huge amounts of money to start businesses of their own (freely given, as usual, since the concept of "paying up" seems to be an unknown concept among families) but it always ended up the same. Some new sorts of imaginary expenses come from nowhere and before you know it, kaboom! the money's gone, and all you can do is sigh.

Institutionalized highway robbery. It makes me angry to think about it.

Worse, they even have the nerve to say that the money's not enough or badmouth her whenever she refuses. How selfish and shameless is that? These Pinays have their own families to worry about. True, their money is not in peso, but they're not spending in peso either. Plus, most of them are full-time housewives, which means that the money they're sending are all coming from their husband's hard work. Luckily, most of the husbands don't hold this against them. Still, nakakahiya pa rin.

And the dilemma doesn't end there. How many Pinoys abroad deliberately try to avoid going back to the Philippines because they'll end up being swarmed by relatives to the nth degree? Worse, if you come back during the holiday season. As in feeling nila ikaw si Santa. Most of them don't come to just see you because they miss you, they come to take a share of your balikbayan box and of course, some "pamasko". Pinakain mo na't lahat, ikaw pa ang magbibigay ng pamasahe. Tapos, asus, ikaw pa ang kuripot 'pag "ube" lang at hindi "ninoy" ang ibinigay mo.

And no, I don't believe that this is a result of widespread poverty. My family is not rich either, but they don't obligate me or push me against the wall with all these burdens and financial responsibilities. My parents could, if they wanted to. Afterall, they shed blood and sweat to send me to good schools, and I'm the eldest child. Of course, there have been instances when they had emergency financial problems and as a family member, I wanted to help or pitch in. But then again, it's a gesture of appreciation, and not an obligation. They understand that Dave and I are not exactly living on a bed of roses.

Thus, I couldn't help but wonder: Aside from the problem of brain-drain, and families drifting apart, and a government relaxing on overseas remittances, is this phenomenon of Pinoy diaspora also creating a new breed of leeches and a double-standard or false sense of filial piety?

Nakaka-kablam! At akala ko pa naman, ang mga Pinoy eh galit sa mga walanghiya.

[kimpOy]

parekoi hindi lang pinoys abroad pero dito rin sa pinas maraming ganyan ang nararamdaman...
yung iba binigyan mo na ng pakpak pero gusto nila buong manok...sheeesh...

[delprado]

Amen...

Agree, agree, agree....

That's one of my dilemna pag umuwi sa pinas...

With the above mentioned scenario, most of the time yan din pinagmumulan ng away mag-asawa or worse nauuwi sa hiwalayan... like yong husband yong nag-w-work. Eh sa hirap nung trabaho ngayon kailangan mo ding mag-ipon. tapos kahit sabihin mong in-laws mo yon .. aba eh ibang usapan na yon...at isa pa me kanya-kanya na silang pamilya...tsk....tsk...tsk...Wag naman sanang sumama ang loob ng iba pero para sa akin they are one the cancers of our society.

I don't know pero minsan kasi sadyang may pagkatamad ang pinoy... That's one of the factor kung bakit ang mahihirap ay lalong naghihirap. Although nai-intindihan ko kulang sa oppotunity ang karamihan sa ating mga pinoy, pero ang problema din kasi pag meron opportunity ayaw din eh grab... hay buhay.....

[calcite]

Yes, sad but it is probably true everywhere in the Philippines.

I work in the mountains of mindanao and interact frequently with real live natives - people who are still mostly hunter-gatherers. They practice the concept of communal property - everything is owned by the community. For example, when a hunter catches a wild pig or deer, he is expected to share it with the whole community.

This extends to other things too. When one member of the community gets a good education and lands a nice paying job, he is expected to share his income with all the others. His tribesmate go to his house and stay as long as he has money and food. They only leave when ALL the food is gone.

Perhaps this trait applies to most Pilipinos and we inherited it from even before the Spanish times. In one aspect it is good since it fosters cooperation and bayanihan. The other side of the coin is that it fosters too much dependency on each other. Question is, what do we do now?

[oldblue]

Yes, sad but it is probably true everywhere in the Philippines.

They practice the concept of communal property - everything is owned by the community. For example, when a hunter catches a wild pig or deer, he is expected to share it with the whole community.

?

may pagka-communist pala ang systema nila. a communist state owns everything, even the shoes you acquired.

[fakesaint]

may pagka-communist pala ang systema nila. a communist state owns everything, even the shoes you acquired.

kya cguro ngka epidemic na ng pinoy dependence sa mga kamag anak e 1 dahilan ang sandamakmak na komunista dito sa bansa natin , mapa-luzon, visayas o mindanao e napakaraming grupo tulad ng npa,milf,abusayaf etc. na extortionist!!!

[creepy]

Yep - one side effect of Pinoys going to work abroad is that it creates a culture of dependence on family members staying back home who just wait for dole-outs...

[falken]

Yep - one side effect of Pinoys going to work abroad is that it creates a culture of dependence on family members staying back home who just wait for dole-outs...

Walang sariling kayod, they're like leeches.

[calcite]

Yes, sad but it is probably true everywhere in the Philippines.

I work in the mountains of mindanao and interact frequently with real live natives - people who are still mostly hunter-gatherers. They practice the concept of communal property - everything is owned by the community. For example, when a hunter catches a wild pig or deer, he is expected to share it with the whole community.

This extends to other things too. When one member of the community gets a good education and lands a nice paying job, he is expected to share his income with all the others. His tribesmate go to his house and stay as long as he has money and food. They only leave when ALL the food is gone.

Perhaps this trait applies to most Pilipinos and we inherited it from even before the Spanish times. In one aspect it is good since it fosters cooperation and bayanihan. The other side of the coin is that it fosters too much dependency on each other. Question is, what do we do now?

[yebo]

i just tell them they are not welcome to share in the fruits of my hard work.

like one of my cousins, sabi ba naman sa akin "tulungan" ko daw siya. sagot ko "e kung hindi ka ba tatamad-tamad dyan e di hindi ka naghihirap. tapos kapal ng mukha mo manghingi. kung kaya mo lokohin tatay mo excuse me hindi ako tanga noh!" hindi na umulit ehehehehe! that guy is just a professional free-loafer! may asawa na at 2 anak pero pinakamatagal na work nya was 2 months. his mother even spent P150k for placement fee for him to go to taiwan, ayun 1 month lang umuwi na at mahirap daw yung trabaho. ask ko ano work nya dun sa taiwan e sa warehouse daw, mabigat yun mga karton nahirapan sya magbuhat. this guy weighs more than me and works out on their nautilus machine everyday. kaya nya mag-press ng 50 kilos of iron pero nabigatan sa karton, my ass! buti na lang sinolo nilang magkakapatid ang ugaling ganun (only 1 out of 5 has a permanent job, and she even dislikes her siblings. ni hindi umuuwi sa kanila kahit pasko.)

[chua_riwap]

May ugali pa Pinoy na, pag ang OFW nagbakasyon sa atin, lahat ng kaibigan mo, kapitbahay, kamag-anak, nanghihingi ng pasalubong. Pag di mo nabigyan, sumasama pa ang loob! Naranasan ko yan, kasi tuwing nagbabakasyon ako sa atin, ang daming humihingi ng pera, sigarilyo, alak, at minsan, pabango! (Ano ako, Sta. Claus?) Kaya, madalas, iniiwasan ko na yung lumabas ng bahay. Masaklap pa niyan, sasabihan ka pa na "Nag-abroad lang, takot na sa kapwa Pilipino!"

Anak ng......! Di naman pinupulot ang pera sa abroad, ano. Akala nila, porke't "earning dollars" ka, apaw ang pera mo. Di nila iniisip yung hirap at homesick na dinaranas ng isang OFW.

[pyeh!]

May ugali pa Pinoy na, pag ang OFW nagbakasyon sa atin, lahat ng kaibigan mo, kapitbahay, kamag-anak, nanghihingi ng pasalubong. Pag di mo nabigyan, sumasama pa ang loob! Naranasan ko yan, kasi tuwing nagbabakasyon ako sa atin, ang daming humihingi ng pera, sigarilyo, alak, at minsan, pabango! (Ano ako, Sta. Claus?) Kaya, madalas, iniiwasan ko na yung lumabas ng bahay. Masaklap pa niyan, sasabihan ka pa na "Nag-abroad lang, takot na sa kapwa Pilipino!"

Anak ng......! Di naman pinupulot ang pera sa abroad, ano. Akala nila, porke't "earning dollars" ka, apaw ang pera mo. Di nila iniisip yung hirap at homesick na dinaranas ng isang OFW.

dami talagang ganyan sa pinas! kahit hindi kayo close...feeling close kpag umuwi ka! parang obligasyon mo na abutan sila ng pasalubong.

[Linkk]

deep rooted na sa atin yan hirap na tanggalin parang corruption sa gobyerno sa pinas ka nga lang makakakita ng madaming tambay sa kalye at mga kamaganak na nakatira sa isang bahay. sa kaso ko naman, pag umuuwi ako lagi ako bili ng chocolates at yun ang pinamuodmod ko, kusang akong nagbibigay sa mga kapitbahay kase minsan nakakatulong naman sila, minsan bigla na lang nawalan kuryente sa bahay ayun nag offer kaagad yung kapitbahay na dun muna kami maki tap

[empy]

buti na lang halos walang ganito sa mga relations ko from the philippines. yung isang tito ko lang ang medyo makapal ang mukha na manghingi at mangunsyensya. like in yebo's situation, siya lang ang kapatid ng parents ko na saksakan ng tamad at hindi maka-hold ng trabaho.

pero marami akong second/third cousins and people who i don't even know all that well who try to pull this ****...i just say no as respectfully as i can. but i don't hide the reason for saying no. as simply as i can, i say "because i don't want to."

[delprado]

buti na lang halos walang ganito sa mga relations ko from the philippines. yung isang tito ko lang ang medyo makapal ang mukha na manghingi at mangunsyensya. like in yebo's situation, siya lang ang kapatid ng parents ko na saksakan ng tamad at hindi maka-hold ng trabaho.

pero marami akong second/third cousins and people who i don't even know all that well who try to pull this ****...i just say no as respectfully as i can. but i don't hide the reason for saying no. as simply as i can, i say "because i don't want to."

...nakakasira nung bakasyon yong mga ganung situation...tapos naiisip ko dapat sa ibang bansa na lang ako pumunta kesa umuwi sa pinas...hehehe

[StraightSix]

Ako, bago umalis ng Pilipinas, inaway ko na mga kamaganak namin. Du'n sa mga nagsabing "Baka kapag nasa abroad ka na eh magbago ka na at hindi mo na kami maalala?", ang sagot ko "Huwag kayong magalala at hindi ako magbabago. Dito palang sa Pilipinas hindi ko naman kayo naaalala."

[BoEinG_747]

Ako, bago umalis ng Pilipinas, inaway ko na mga kamaganak namin. Du'n sa mga nagsabing "Baka kapag nasa abroad ka na eh magbago ka na at hindi mo na kami maalala?", ang sagot ko "Huwag kayong magalala at hindi ako magbabago. Dito palang sa Pilipinas hindi ko naman kayo naaalala."

bwahaha...subukan ko nga gawin iyan ahahhaha

[theveed]

Nakakaawa mga nagpapakahirap mag trabaho...

May kakilala din akong ganun, sinabihan sya ng kapatid nya na pumili syang cellphone para may magamit sya, alam naman nya na bago palang kapatid nya sa abroad (less than a year) and late 20's nadin sya working... Aba, puros over 20K ang mga nasa choices.

Kakahiya... Mas lalo na mga matatanda na susulat/tatawag lang kung wala nang pera hehe ala Pugad Baboy.

Pag sinabi mo wala kang masyadong pera mapapadala sasabihin sayo maluho ka kasi sa mga binibili mo dyan hehehe

[ranod55]

mula ng mauso yang abroad ika nga OFW,eh maraming mga kababayan natin ang nakipag sapalaran para guminhawa ang buhay at kahit papaano ay matugunan ang mga pangarap ng bawat pinoy na umahon sa kahirapan.masasabi natin na hindi lahat ng mga nag abroad eh sinuwerte,may minalas din-ayoko ng pahabain ang istorya,ang punto dito ay ang pag alis mo sa ating bayan ay isa lang ang layunin mo,magiging ipokrito naman ako kung sasabihin ko na hindi pera ang hanap ko.naalala ko tuloy noon una kung alis papuntang SAUDI,ang huling tanong sa akin noon nag iinterview na amerikano ay "WHY YOU ARE GOING TO SAUDI"??? ang akala niya ang isasagot ko ay "FOR WORK" pero ang sinagot ko ay "FOR MONEY, NOTHING LESS/NOTHING MORE".bigla nyang sinulatan ang papel ko ng approve for medical.

ngayon,ng makarating na ako sa saudi-first year ko ay a lot of adjustment,unang-una sa klima,sobrang init at talagang grabe,sa pag kain adjust karin,sa kultura iba rin,dami mong babaguhin,daming hirap mong dadanasin which your family dont know,kasi ayaw mo rin silang mag-alala sayo.

so,dumating ang vacation mo,siyempre daming pasalubong dahil daming kamag-anak.ok lang yung dahil first time na maka tikim ng katas ng middle east.eto na ang pag balik mo uli sa saudi ang mahirap,ubos ang lahat pinag trabaho-han mo at panigbagong ipon na naman.

ang siste,ang daming bilin sayo na hindi ka pa nakaka balik at may utang kana sa mga nagbibilin sayo.di mo mapag bigyan siguradong masama ka at madamot ka,higit sa lahat nag bago kana mula ng maka abroad ka,lahat nang mga salitang hindi mo naririnig sa kanila ay maririnig muna.


kaya yang abroad,yung wala kang ka away,magkakaroon ka! wala kang kagalit mag kakaroon ka,dati kayong close maghihiwalay kayo at malamang mag kasamaan ng loob...

ang problema kasi sa atin eh,hindi nila nararanasan kung paano kumita ng pera at kung paano mo pinag hihirapan ang lahat ng kinikita mo,wala silang paki alam kung ano ang buhay mo sa abroad,ang sa kanila ay yung mapag bigyan mo sila sa lahat ng mga kahilingan nila

ako katuwiran ko,priority ko muna ang family ko at kung may sobra doon ko sila aambunan,mahirap mamihasa sa kahihingi at utang walang bayaran...amen

[empy]

ang pinakamabigat eh minsan hindi nakukuntento sa remittances yung mga linta. we have a good family friend whose parents, brother and sister decided to immigrate to the US and come live with her. aba, pagdating in-expect nila na kumpleto sila sa gamit, including cellphone, laptop and car!!

the brother and the sister work and supposedly they are supposed to pay part of the bills, pero umaangal yung friend ko na laging kulang tapos late pa. eh sa kanya nakapangalan yung bahay at mga kotse so siya ang yari kung late ang bayad.