1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a

fool at the other.



2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are

more popular than a five day test.



3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and

a woman gains her master



4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage



5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the

lecturer to the notes of the students without

assing through "the minds of either".



6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody

believes he got the biggest piece.



8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by

feminine water-power ..



9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.



10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens &

everybody disagrees later on.



11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you

have never felt before.



12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.



13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.



14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.



15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.



16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you

actually do.



17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide

that nothing can be done together.



18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.



19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.



20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of

when dead.



21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you

actually look forward to the trip.



22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls

into a river.



23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway

"See I am not injured yet."



24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,

Instead of the first letter in word

OPPORTUNITY.



25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.



26. Father : A banker provided by nature.



27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got

caught.



28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are

early.



29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your

Confidence after.



30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his

bills.



31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......