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  1. Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    1,140
    #1
    The American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
    be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
    containers:

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when youare not.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at
    four in the morning.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite ***
    without spitting.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking
    than most people.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

    WARNING:
    The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.

    WARNING:
    the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink youkantpye reel gode

  2. Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    6,058
    #2
    The consumption of alcohol can make you say: "Take me drunk!, I'm home."

  3. Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    3,067
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by falken
    The consumption of alcohol can make you say: "Take me drunk!, I'm home."
    hahahahahaha...

  4. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    9,894
    #4
    The consumption of alcohol will lead you to take a woman home whose face will give you a heart attack in the morning


    aka beer goggles

  5. Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    2,421
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by M54 Powered
    The consumption of alcohol will lead you to take a woman home whose face will give you a heart attack in the morning


    aka beer goggles

    personal experience?

  6. FrankDrebin Guest
    #6
    "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I
    drink
    I feel shamed.
    Then I look into the glass and think about the
    workers
    in the brewery
    and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't
    drink
    this beer, they
    might be out of work and their dreams would be
    shattered. Then I say
    to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer
    and
    let their dreams
    come true than be selfish and worry about my
    liver." ~
    Jack Handy
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When
    they
    wake up in the
    morning, that's as good as they're going to
    feel all
    day. " ~ Frank
    Sinatra
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be
    drunk to
    spend time
    with his fools." ~ Ernest Hemingway
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
    up
    reading." ~
    Henny Youngman
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
    Coincidence? I
    think not."
    ~Stephen Wright
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get
    drunk,
    we
    fall asleep. When
    we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we
    commit
    no
    sin, we go to
    heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to
    heaven!"
    ~ Brian
    O'Rourke
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Beer (or wine) is proof that God loves us and
    wants
    us to be happy."
    ~ Benjamin Franklin
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Without question, the greatest invention in the
    history of mankind
    is beer.. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
    also a
    fine invention,
    but the wheel does not go nearly as well with
    pizza."
    ~ Dave Barry
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE ***
    SINCE 3000
    B.C.!!!
    ~ "Unknown"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support
    Group.
    Salvation in a
    can!!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    And saving the best for last, as explained by
    Cliff
    Clavin, of
    Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was
    explaining the
    Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it
    went:
    "Well ya see,
    Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can
    only
    move as fast as
    the slowest buffalo.
    And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
    and
    weakest ones at
    the back that are killed first. This natural
    selection
    is good for
    the herd as a whole, because the general speed
    and
    h ealth of the
    whole group keeps improving by the regular
    killing of
    the weakest
    members. In much the same way, the human brain
    can
    only operate as
    fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
    of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But
    naturally, it attacks
    the slowest and weakest brain
    cells first. In this way, regular consumption of
    beer
    eliminates the
    weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster
    and more
    efficient
    machine. That's why you always feel smarter
    after a
    few beers."

Alcohol Warning! :)