News: Jobert Sucaldito hospitalized after accident with cucumber

[ghosthunter]

I found this in another forum:
http://www.netbooks.ph/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=1617

I just want to share it. I have no idea if its real or fake though.

[SIZE="4"]Jobert Sucaldito hospitalized after accident with cucumber[/SIZE]
05/11/2009 by deejay
WARNING: R-18 content.Minors, don't read further!

Showbiz talk show host Jobert Sucaldito is recovering at the Capitol Medical Center in Quezon City after a successful emergency surgery to remove a large piece of cucumber that got stuck in his rectum, according to reports.

Sucaldito, one of the hosts of ABS-CBN's "The Buzz," reportedly met with the accident Sunday night and was rushed to the hospital after complaining of "extreme pain" in his bottom.
X-rays subsequently revealed that a broken piece of cucumber, about five inches in length, had gotten lodged into the lower end of his large intestine.

It was not immediately clear how the cucumber got there.

The surgeons who operated on Sucaldito were tight-lipped and refused to discuss his case with media, citing doctor-patient confidentiality. Oddly enough, they all looked like they were trying vainly to keep from laughing and refused to look reporters in the eye.

Members of Sucaldito's household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito's bedroom.

They said it had "bite marks" and was in a "soggy" state.

Besides the cucumber, they said they also found "a bottle of Johnson's baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper."

Reached by phone, Sucaldito said he is fine and will be discharged from hospital soon. He explained that it was all an accident.

Cucumbers Have Rights, Too

"Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)" he said.

In a related development, a group of veganFilipinos is reportedly thinking of filing an abuse complaint against Sucaldito for allegedly molesting a harmless and defenseless vegetable.

Posted in News| Tagged ABS-CBN, Bite Marks, Capitol Medical Center, Celebrities, Cucumber, Doctor-Patient Relation, Entertainment, Gay, Jobert Sucaldito, Joke, Large Intestine, Media, Pinoy, R-18, Rectum, Salad, Satire, Showbiz, Talk Show, Vegan, Vegetable| 203 Comments

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:massmoon::funa::funny:

[xoom]

wahahahahahahaaaa!!!! anak ka ng teteng jobert, gumagawa ka ng salad na nakahubo???

this is one of the people in showbiz land that irritates me the most. the others are cristy fermin, annabelle rama and the likes. feeling nila the world owes them sh*t, so if things like these happen to them ang masasabi ko lang....

buti hindi durian salad ang ginawa mo, kamote ka

[mitsukorin]

wahahahahahahaaaa!!!! anak ka ng teteng jobert, gumagawa ka ng salad na nakahubo???

this is one of the people in showbiz land that irritates me the most. the others are cristy fermin, annabelle rama and the likes. feeling nila the world owes them sh*t, so if things like these happen to them ang masasabi ko lang....

buti hindi durian salad ang ginawa mo, kamote ka

hahahahahaha......

[Gumusut_Amige]

baka pinapanood niya yung video clips ni hayden kho habang gumagawa ng salad...

[renzo_d10]

gumagawa siya ng salad ng nakahubo kasi nanonood siya ng mga scandal. Tapos sabay upo sa upuan, nakalimutan niya tinayo niya yung cucumber para gawing dildo :bwahaha:

[s_quilicot]

buti hindi sa vicente sotto hospital sa cebu dinala yan. :bwahaha:

[uls]

"Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)" he said.

Members of Sucaldito's household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito's bedroom.

They said it had "bite marks" and was in a "soggy" state.

Besides the cucumber, they said they also found "a bottle of Johnson's baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper."

gumagawa ng salad?

sa bedroom?

Johnson's baby oil para sa salad?

hindi olive oil?

[mitsukorin]

gumagawa ng salad?

sa bedroom?

Johnson's baby oil para sa salad?

hindi olive oil?

hahahahaha...solo ako pinoy dito sa opis namin sa brasil tawa ako ng tawa! tinatanong sa akin ng mga lokal kung bakit, di ko naman masabi dyahi rin eh....totoo po ba to? hahahaha...

[c_cube]

may paa yun cucumber. marunong tumayo

[badkuk]

*sigh* sana hindi na lang siya nag comment.


how the heck can a cucumber stand upright on its own?

hindi naman ako botanist, but what the heck was that cucumber made of? did he freeze it at sub zero temperatures?


baby oil on salad?

maybe there's a double meaning to the word "salad" B)

afaik there are cases more extreme than this -- e.g. hair brushes(note, brush, not comb) stuck up someone's a__ . a cucumber i can understand; a brush? geez...

[MXFX]

a better explanation would be that the cucumber "shot up" where the sun dont shine

[claRkEnt]

i think di totoo yang news... sa dami ng asar dyan sa pagmumukha ni jobert, it would habe been a bigger news.

nag-trip lang gumawa nyang story.

[ann_Cheong]

next time jobert wear your breif wen u make salad ha???!!!!!

[hpon]

next time jobert wear your breif wen u make salad ha???!!!!!

baka bikini...

[chua_riwap]

Bantot na nung cucumber......

Ayan gawin na nyang salad. :rofl:

[jonski]

Kawawa naman yung cucumber

[Lucius]

Baka gumagawa sila ng *** video ni Boy Abunda

[ann_Cheong]

Next time mag Brief ka kasi..
Or Tell the PIPINO na wqg tumayo..
Ang Sweet mo namn may kasama ka pang Picture ng lalaki ng ginagawan mo ng PIPINO salad with matcing BABY oil.....

THE BUZZZZZZ!!!!!!