What to do on a wife-cheating friend.

[cast_no_shadow]

Hello! need some inputs on my dilemma regarding my friend.
May tropa akong lalaki (mula college tropa na kami). I can consider him as one of my best bud. Since antagal na din na namin magkakilala alam na namin ang baho ng isa't isa. Sa tropa siya ang frontman namin whenever we go out, he got the looks ika nga! kaya he's our bait whenever we hit on girls. He got married last december he, he married her long-time GF 1st year college pa lang kami sila na. I've seen their relationship grow the ups and down, i can consider her wife as tropa na din. To cut the long story short he's an effin womanizer. Seeing all the girls he dated/hooked-up/(whatever term applies) while he's committed with her gf magaganda lahat! tulo laway nga kami. Syempre nun tropa-tropa mga lalaki is takipan ng kalokohan yan, lahat ng pagkunsinte namin sa isat isa ginagawa namin. May times nahuhuli siya ng GF niya so andami ng chances ang binigay siguro sa pagmamahal na din nung babae. Nakakaawa man, siguro the girl believes na magbabago siya. Ako din i hoped and believed na baka after his wedding magbabago na siya, but i guess i'm wrong. He still does what he does best! Actually im aware of his affair with an officemate prior to his wedding, as a friend i gave him advice na dapat putulin na niya bago siya isakal ay ikasal pala. I thought he know where he should stand, kaso napasama lalo after his wedding lalo siya nagloko. He left his wife already giving his wife no reasons kung bakit siya nakikipaghiwalay. Her wife being naive still cant consider na baka may babae siya.

Now my problem is saken lumalapit wife niya, asking whats the real score sa buhay ng asawa niya. Kung may babae ba talaga, ano pinagkakalokohan etc.

Both of them are my friend kaya im torn. Nakakaawa yung girl since parang ligaw siya, wala siyang closure wala siyang idea kung bakit nag end-up ng ganun she wants to move on. Gusto ko man ilaglag yun tropa ko, ang sakin naman is ayoko makaapekto sa outcome ng decision niya it might end up na masira sila totally pag sinabi ko yun totoo. I've done my part, talk to my guy friend asking him what his plans is pero mukhang enjoy pa siya sa company nung isa kaya sabi ko na lang malaki ka na alam mo na yung tama at mali. Still he reminded me na andun pa din yun usapang lalaki na walang laglagan.

If you were on my shoes.. what to do? should i tell his wife?

[ghosthunter]

Date the wife.

...ok seriously....

It is kinda hard to be friends with a guy you know to be two timing, especially if he would use you as part of his excuse so you end up having to cover for him if the wifey calls to check.

Tell the wife but through an anonymous manner.

Letting it go on will not improve things. It would even be worst if they already have kids, making everything more complex. If they don't have kids yet, they can get an annulment and go their separate ways and maybe the girl can find someone else worth her time and love. Then date the ex-wife.

As for dropping the guy from your friends list, I understand well enough where you are coming from. I have a friend who also is also same as yours. We have pretty much stopped having contact with each other except for social events like barkada weddings, birthdays, etc. And even then, during those events, we just greet each other and not talk much about anything else.

[Chikselog]

O kaya "accidentally" bring the wife kung nasan yung husband na may kasamang ibang babae.

May tropa rin akong ganyan pero di pa naman kasal, GF GF lang. In the end nilaglag ko sya "anonymously". Ayoko kasi yung ganyang ako ang naiipit, sobrang nakokonsensya ako.

[snoid_zero]

do not tolerate the SIN.
tell the truth bro.

tell the wife and your friend mag-attend ng Feast sa PICC every sunday.

[ghosthunter]

tell the wife and your friend mag-attend ng Feast sa PICC every sunday.

Doesn't work.

It is down to the nature of the person. If he is a type of person who will have multiple relationships, he will be that kind of person no matter what he does.

[shadow]

I have a rule and my closest friends know this. Their extra curricular activities hinde Ako magkukusa magsabi but once the wife, mother or whoever ask me, then I'll tell...




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[marg]

If you were on my shoes.. what to do? should i tell his wife?

DO NOT TELL the wife anything, or even hint anything. Tell her her hubby is straight as far as you know.

That is your LOYALTY to yout best Buddy.

Then when you are alone with your Buddy, tell him his wife has been getting suspicious. But tell him not to involve you. Bahala na siya, whether he will be more careful or stop his shenanigans. You have done yer job as a friend.

But if you are a party to their Break-up, then you are nothing but a SNAKE.

[chua_riwap]

pakulam nya. quits na sila.

[renzo_d10]

Family has a friend who's in the same situation, kinarma. Recently, yung tao niya naputukan ng ulo... now, gastos yun. Around 100k+ gagastusin niya so nangungutang siya samin. But we declined. Knowing his reputation regarding lent money, huwag na. Ilang beses na namin siya na pinaalahanan na tigilan na niya yung ginagawa niya yet super confident talaga sa ginagawa niya. May $$$ eh. Ayan tuloy.

Ako naman may friend na ganyan din, although not married, player lang. Kapag may gf, maghahanap ng bago... two to three timer. Kaibigan ko pa yung mga babae. Did I say things? Nahh. I just said I don't know a thing about what's happening to him. Now, kung marital na yung usapan, especially if may kids na, I might take sides. Kung sino yung dehado, yun yung kakampihan ko.

[foresterx]

i'd stay out of it and let karma do it's work. basta wag mo tulungan at don't let him use you as an excuse. when it comes to relationship kasi it's hard to be in between both parties. there is no right or wrong thing to do on this one. pero pag friend ko yung niloloko tapos di ko naman friend yung ng loloko ibang usapan na yon.

[Walter]

i'd stay out of it and let karma do it's work. basta wag mo tulungan at don't let him use you as an excuse. when it comes to relationship kasi it's hard to be in between both parties. there is no right or wrong thing to do on this one. pero pag friend ko yung niloloko tapos di ko naman friend yung ng loloko ibang usapan na yon.

[ghosthunter]

DO NOT TELL the wife anything, or even hint anything. Tell her her hubby is straight as far as you know.

That is your LOYALTY to yout best Buddy.

Then when you are alone with your Buddy, tell him his wife has been getting suspicious. But tell him not to involve you. Bahala na siya, whether he will be more careful or stop his shenanigans. You have done yer job as a friend.

But if you are a party to their Break-up, then you are nothing but a SNAKE.

I would rather give the girl a chance to find a better guy than to live in a constant nagging question in her mind if he is having an affair (again).

[galant E SS]

DO NOT TELL the wife anything, or even hint anything. Tell her her hubby is straight as far as you know.

That is your LOYALTY to yout best Buddy.

Then when you are alone with your Buddy, tell him his wife has been getting suspicious. But tell him not to involve you. Bahala na siya, whether he will be more careful or stop his shenanigans. You have done yer job as a friend.

But if you are a party to their Break-up, then you are nothing but a SNAKE.

I agree with marg. This is the best advice of a true and loyal friend. Walang laglagan. I'm a happily married man. My best buddies are all happily married men, pero lahat kami, gumagawa ng kalokohan. Close friends na rin ang mga asawa namin, kaya pag nabuking, sigurado maaapektohan ang buong tropa, pagdududahan din ng asawa nila, ika nga tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.

[galant E SS]

TS, mas lalo mo lang sisirain ang relationship ng mag-asawa if you will tell the truth. I'm sure, masisira rin ang friendship nyo ng friend mo becuae he will surely consider you as a traitor. Sometimes, it is better to tell lies to save a relationship, and that is called white lies.

You better tell your friend frankly about the situation. And if his wife ask you again, just tell her that you know nothing about your friend's womanizing habits. . . Through good times, or bad times, a true and loyal friend will always be on his/your side.

[chua_riwap]

^ that's what friends are for.......

[timrev]

tama nga yun sabi nila mahirap talaga makialam sa buhay ng my asawa...
but for me i'd rather choose kung sino dehado madami kasi posibilties yan...lalo na kung my anak nakakaawa kaya ko ilaglag si katropa if pinagpalit nya family nya sa mistress nya kasi nandamay pa sya ng ibang tao yun wife ang kids nya na pwede dahilan para masira buhay nila...
well matanda na fren mo matagal mo narin ata sya pinagtakpan oras narin siguro itigil kalokohan nya sa buhay but as much as possible keep distansya amigo...

[iceblueyes]

...ika nga tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are

I don't really know how I would "judge" you as a person if you allowed yourself to be used by your "friend" to lie to a person about something so serious.

Confront your friend, tell him to stop. Tell him that the next time his wife asks about him you'll tell her to talk to you instead. But tell your "friend" if he doesn't stop and keeps lying to his wife you'll give whatever advice you can to the wife.

Maybe you'll tell her whats really going on; Maybe you'll just say to her their relationship can't be fixed and its better if the went their seperate ways na lang. etc... bahala ka

But don't be part of a lie on something so serious. Ok lang sana kung Overtime daw pero nag happy hour lang pala kind of lie, pero iyan...

[galant E SS]

I don't really know how I would "judge" you as a person if you allowed yourself to be used by your "friend" to lie to a person about something so serious.

Confront your friend, tell him to stop. Tell him that the next time his wife asks about him you'll tell her to talk to you instead. But tell your "friend" if he doesn't stop and keeps lying to his wife you'll give whatever advice you can to the wife.

Maybe you'll tell her whats really going on; Maybe you'll just say to her their relationship can't be fixed and its better if the went their seperate ways na lang. etc... bahala ka

But don't be part of a lie on something so serious. Ok lang sana kung Overtime daw pero nag happy hour lang pala kind of lie, pero iyan...

dude, di ikaw pa ang nag-encourage for the spouses to separate. As a friend, you should be the one to make a way na magkaayos ang mag-asawa, hwag mong paghiwalayin. I respect your opinion though. I agree on what you said "Confront your friend, tell him to stop.",

TS, in addition to that ^, if you can't tolerate what he's doing at naaawa ka na talaga sa wife nya who happens to be your friend na rin, iwaasan mo na silang dalawa. Confront your friend that you don't like what he's doing. Tell him the truth, tapos kung ayaw nya talagang makinig, iwasan mo na sya so that he can feel that you're getting cold with him. Mahirap din kasing makialam sa buhay mag-asawa, tapos ikaw pa ang takbohan ng wife nya, naiipit ka sa 2 nag-uuumpogang bato. Think about it bro., sa tingin mo kaya, di makikipaghiwalay yong wife ng friend mo pag nalaman nya na may other woman ang husband nya? Sa tingin mo kaya, di magagalit sa yo ang best buddy mo pag nalaman nya na ikaw ang nag-chismis sa wife nya na may kabit sya, at ikaw pa ang naging dahilan ng hiwalayan nilang mag-asawa dahil tsismoso ka? Basta, in my opinion, kahit sinong lalaki, di naman matutuwa kung kaibigan nya pa mismo ang nagsumbong sa wife/GF nya na may ginagawa syang kalokohan. Para kang traydor na bakla nyan sa tingin ng lahat ng kaibigan mo pag ginawa mo yan.

[pop3corn]

I agree with marg. This is the best advice of a true and loyal friend. Walang laglagan. I'm a happily married man. My best buddies are all happily married men, pero lahat kami, gumagawa ng kalokohan. Close friends na rin ang mga asawa namin, kaya pag nabuking, sigurado maaapektohan ang buong tropa, pagdududahan din ng asawa nila, ika nga tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.

pero hindi na kasi ganun ang case eh. napakadali lang naman talaga yan brotherhood na yan. kung kami lang ng barkada ko pareho tayo. pero sya kasi, nag-open up pa sya ng thread dito, that only implies na he's confused. and maybe he's starting to feel sorry for the wife - dyan kasi nagsisimula yan eh yun pag naawa ka sa isang babae

[Helios]

heheh *pop3corn you're complicating things further for the ts. been in a similar situation before when the offending dude is a bff of mine, stay as far away from both of them until your coast is clear. and that includes your head as it appears you are deeply troubled.

compromise is a sacrifice of one right or good in the hope of retaining the other. -too often ending in the loss of both