Pretty much everyone in the world has been single at some time or another. (Although there might be a few people in some remote tribe somewhere who were born married, and never were single, I don't personally know anyone.) Most of the people who are single today are either waiting to get married, looking for someone to marry, or are too young to marry. There are a few that don't want to get married, but they're definitely in the minority.
If all those single people are looking to get married, the question comes up, how will they find someone to marry?
In today's society, the process of selecting a spouse is through something we call dating. In this process, a person spends time in relationships with various members of the opposite ***. These relationships may last anywhere from a few hours to several years. During that time, the two people engage in a number of different activities to enjoy themselves, each other's company, and supposedly get to know each other.
Eventually, through a process of trial and error, two people will find each other and come to the decision that they are mutually compatible, should get married, and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, the person they think they've been dating isn't the person they're going to have to live with. The person they've been dating is a mask, not the real person. In dating, everyone is putting on a show. The real person is kept hidden away until after the marriage.
Although this sounds like a fairly simple system, it in fact is highly complex. The combination of possible interactions between two people is literally endless. While the trial and error nature of this method should make for some sort of security to eliminate errors, it actually does the opposite and insures that each person has enough errors in their interpersonal relationships to give them a lifetime of heartache. This heartache carries into the marriage relationship and all but destroys the possibility of intimacy within the marriage.
While there is no formal history of dating that we can look to for accurate information, the idea of dating is actually something new in the world. It hasn't existed anywhere in the world for more than 100, or at the most 150 years.
Before that, we don't find anywhere in the world that people dated, especially young people (teens). Instead, when they were at an age where marriage would be appropriate, the parents would seek out a suitable spouse for their child. This system is still in use in parts of the world today.
If we look in the Bible, we don't find a single example of dating. Instead, we find that when Isaac needed a wife, his father, Abraham, sent his steward back to his home town to search for one (Gen 24:2-4). Why? Because Abraham wanted to be sure his son had a good wife.
The earliest instances of "dating" I know of in the United States were about 100 years ago. But, those weren't dating as we know it today. Instead, a young man would go to visit a young girl at her parent's house. They would sit in the parlor (living room) with the rest of the family and talk. They wouldn't leave to be alone, nor would the family leave them alone in the parlor. There would always be other family members there. That greatly reduced (like to zero) the possibility of there being any physical contact between them.
Another example grew out of the frontier days of the old west. Communities would have social events to raise funds for various needs within the community. At some of these events, the women would prepare a box dinner. The men would bid on these dinners. Whoever "won" a particular dinner had the opportunity to eat it with the preparer. Again, this was done in a public forum, where nobody was left alone.
It wasn't until World War Two that we see any dating as we know it today. During that time, there were a very large number of men off fighting the war and away from their homes. This caused somewhat of a breakdown of the family. In addition, there was a general loosening of morals, as is normal during wartime. Young men would be looking for young women to pass time with, and young women, excited by the wartime atmosphere, would be much more open to their advances.
Understand, these young men weren't looking for wives at that time, they were looking for relaxation, fun, and ***. An honorable man doesn't want to get married right before going off to war. He wouldn't want to leave behind a widow and orphans. But, a man who thinks he might die soon would want all the *** he can get.
Herein lies the true problem of dating. Most of the time, dating isn't about finding a spouse, it's about ***. It has been said that young men are nothing but a hormone covered in skin. Because of this, they see every female as a potential ***ual partner. They date with the hopes that they will be able to entice the girl into bed.
Girls, on the other hand, aren't looking for ***, but affection and attention. They become involved with guys in order to satisfy this emotional need. Since they don't have a strong ***ual desire, they don't think about the fact that the guys do. Then, once they're emotionally involved, the guy say something like, "If you love me, you'll have *** with me." The girl is emotionally trapped. If she refuses, he'll probably leave her. So, she gives in and has *** with him. He's ***ually satisfied and she's dealing with ***ual problems for the rest of her life.
Almost all of the ***ual problems that any couple has can trace their roots to the time of dating. By definition, ***ual abuse is being pressured, forced, or coerced into any ***ual act. So, what's a ***ual act? Is it just ***ual intercourse, or are there other ***ual acts?
Let me answer this way. As a married man, I can hug and kiss my wife without any problem, right? But, can I do that with another woman, let's say the wife of another pastor? No! Why? Because these are ***ual acts. Yes, I know that some churches hug, and people kiss on the cheek all the time, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a full frontal hug, not a little hug on the side. Any time the breasts of a woman touch a man it is ***ual. I'm not talking about a kiss on the cheek either, but a kiss on the lips. I can't do this with another woman because it is ***ual.
Well, if I, as a married man, can't do that with another woman, why can your unmarried son do them with my unmarried daughter? If it's wrong as married adults, it's wrong as unmarried youth. These are ***ual acts!
Since they are ***ual acts, they cause the girl, or woman to receive the same sort of problems as rape does; maybe not to the same degree, but of the same sort. According to this definition, basically all women have been ***ually abused at one time or another in their past. That's why women have such a negative attitude towards ***.
The only way to avoid these ***ual problems is to avoid ***ual contact before marriage. Then, on the marriage day, the woman is free to give herself to her husband, without any negative effects of past relationships.
God doesn't have anything against our youth having fun, He just has something against them using ***, drugs, alcohol, and crime as the methods of having fun.
My teen-age kids probably have more fun than any other teenagers I know. They do all kids of things with their youth group, and with their friends. But, they do it as a group, not as a dating situation. That protects them both emotionally and ***ually. I'll say it again, God doesn't have anything against our youth having fun.
There is a chemical hormone in the body called oxytoxin. The level of this hormone in our body is augmented by touch between two people. The more intimate the touch, the more it is increased. A hug will release more than a handshake; a kiss more than a hug; an intimate caress more than a kiss; ***ual intimacy will release even more; and ***ual orgasm releases the most. The more a couple is in contact, the more oxytoxin they will have in their bodies.
Not only does oxytoxin get increased in the system, but it "feeds" upon itself. An increase in oxytoxin triggers a desire for more oxytoxin. This triggers a desire for more touch and more intimate touch. A couple that has no plans to have ***ual relations may find themselves unable to avoid having *** because of the craving to "feed" the oxytoxin in their bodies.
This hormone literally causes the feeling of being "in love" with another person. Any two people (male and female) who have a lot of physical contact, and especially a lot of ***ual contact will be in love with each other. It doesn't matter what the person looks like, how they act, or what their character is like, just as long as there is a lot of contact.
Unfortunately, being "in love" doesn't mean that they love the other person, are compatible on a long-term basis, nor are the perfect match for marriage. It only means that they feel that way at the moment. Lower the oxytoxin level that they have and they might even detest each other.
This is what happens in marriage. During the dating time, the couple is constantly touching, hugging, kissing, and in today's society probably having *** every day. Because they are in love, they get married. During more or less the first year of marriage, they continue touching, hugging, kissing, and having ***. Then, after about a year, the couple receives a little gift; a gift in diapers; a baby.