
Originally Posted by
Josh0027
How do you really know if you are falling for the person you think is right but can't wholly express how you feel.
Is it right that I always find a reason to try to see her each day or that I'm being paranoid at every thought of not seeing her again. There are times that I really wanted to see her but everytime we meet I'm always dumbfounded. I always try to find ways to impress her but I still can't seem to get the right formula for her to look my way.
Sometimes I've done some things that seem obvious but it looks as if these are driving her away. I can't help but think that, even though I am hiding these feelings of mine, I can't fully tell everything to her and make her understand on how much I care for her. Is it that I'm so 'torpe' that I can't say anything right, or am I just afraid that she would just reject me and say we should be 'only friends'?
Maybe that is the part that scares the hell out of me. Am I a coward? Am I someone not ready to face the consequences if what happens is not what I wished for? Is it true that I have to control myself and act as if nothing is happening to me? That is a great mistake that I am trying to overcome!
I can't deny that I am falling for her, yet it seems that she is so far away even though she is so near. I can't truly express how much I care for her because she might take it as something different. I do not know what to do!
I can't just live like this that she would not know what it is that I hold inside. I'm afraid of the truth, that there is some chance that, by being honest, she would avoid me. I cannot bear this burden of holding back. For all the years that I have learned from my mistakes... why is it that the greatest lesson seems to be the hardest. Maybe I'm also afraid of failure.
I'm not good in standing onto relationships but eventhough I have learned from this... I am a coward to step forward... (sorry po, ito di ko talaga ma-gets)
Is it time for me to move on? I think so! It has been so long that I have felt this way. Inspite of my successes in life, I have been trying to fill this void that I have... that I have ignored and focused on career and other things I have deemed more important. Now everything that I have done... everything that I have achieved is worthless... if I can't even truly say how much I love her.
Love... a very dangeroud word... it can break you and tear you into pieces... maybe that is why I am so afraid... I'm afraid to be torn again to many millions of pieces and it was so hard to pick up the pieces in all these years just to rebuild myself.
I Love You But I Can't.... Or I Won't...