Having a Baby Before Marriage! Still a Big Deal?

[juntzo]

My gf of 5 years and I have been living together for almost a year now. Today she missed her period and she thinks she is pregnant. For me it's a wonderful thing! But for her, she has some apprehensions that some of her relatives will not approve!

I will marry her anytime of course. No problem. But what annoys me is that thing about what others will think of us having a baby before getting married. We are both professionals and have good jobs that pays well. We are also very much of legal age!

Here in the Philippines, is it still a big deal to have a baby before getting married? What do you think?

[shadow]

pare naman...tell your GF ano pa bang apprehension niya sa sasbihin ng mga relatives niya eh 5 yrs na kayo nag live in.....

I think it's a not an issue....it's kinda expected if you asked me....living in for 5 yrs...kung hinde nabuntis baka doon pa ako magtaka...

[juntzo]

pare naman...tell your GF ano pa bang apprehension niya sa sasbihin ng mga relatives niya eh 5 yrs na kayo nag live in.....

I think it's a not an issue....it's kinda expected if you asked me....living in for 5 yrs...kung hinde nabuntis baka doon pa ako magtaka...

living together for 1 year pa lang! most of her relatives in the province does not know about it! clear ko lang. probinsiyana eh!

[GlennSter]

depends on what society you belong too.

gaya nga ng sabi mo.probinsyanas are most probably expected to be more maria-clara parin. mas conservative parin kahit papaano.

[shadow]

:oops: sorry, hinde ko nabasang mabuti...to hell with them buhay niyo naman yan eh,

well, since you said you will marry her in a heartbeat, then why don't you do it now? so no need for you to think what others will say...

[mazdamazda]

IMO - it's still a big deal here in the Philippines especially in the rural areas. Well, you can't blame her relatives for thinking like that if that is their culture (I'm hoping that you also considered that before you did "it").

If you can't stand the disapproving relatives or gossip flying around - then just keep your pants up until you get married.

[the_wildthing]

Personally, I think it is a big deal. But that is just me.

Having said that, please understand I am not imposing this on you nor anyone. And you should not let anyone impose values on you. What others think do not matter when it comes to things like this. You have to ask yourself what do YOU value, personally? Does it matter to you? Is it a big deal to you? If it isn't, then tapos ang usapan.

The other thing is, dapat magkasundo kayo ng values.

[boydapa]

haay naku hwag ka magpapaniwala at pauuto sa mga relatives nyan. gaya ng sabi nila buhay nyo yan. pagnagpadala ka sa mga gzto nyan kakayan kayanin ka lng ng mga yan! kng may tiwala ka sa sarili mo at sa mga desisyon mo hwag mo na intindihin yon para looking back yrs from now di ka magsisisi sa mga ginawa mo. ipakita mo ang iyong angas parang yan subaru pag galit na galit walang inuurungan. haay naku maniwala ka galing me dyan kaya eto i deserve this

[Autobeat]

It's done already, so congrats on your upcoming wedding, marriage life, and new baby!

Personally, we don't agree on having a baby before marriage, and will be expressing these to our children and their partners. But, experiencing several officemates, who also went through the same situation you and your partner is experiencing right now, we make it a point not to treat them any differently as before.

Again, congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

[froshie1]

For me it is a big deal.

It may not be a big deal to you now but wait until your baby comes out, try to ask this question to yourself. Let us know your response hehehe.

Anyway, congratulations!

[Lucius]

Pag maka-buntis man ako ngayon, gusto ko twins na.

[ooba99]

Apprehensions. This is natural sa babae. They have more of these in this kind of situation. Ikaw na rin ang nag-insinuate na ‘old school’ siya. But wasn’t it discussed prior to her consenting to living in with you that pregnancy is not a remote possibility? Or was it a live-in arrangement for convenience hehe.

Seriously, if you truly love the girl, marry her. The one-year living-in is a preview of how it is when you are married. Of course, with the additional difference of one common happy responsibility, the baby. A lot of things will change in your life. Be prepared for these.

But since nakapag-decide na kayo na mag-civil wedding, then everything is “under the bridge”, eka nga. Isipin mo na lang na mapagbigyan mo yung pinakamamahal mo sa buhay. Also, this will give legitimacy to the child. Malaki ang psychological impact ng isang illegitimate child, aside from the already-mentioned legal implications to the child. And think ahead, how will it be in marriage life. The role that you will play will be different now. Hello, daddy juntzo!

Just think of the bright side, marami ang nabanggit dito, and you will be fine. I was in your shoes when I married my wife. That was 18 years ago. I’m happy then and still happy now. I’m sure, you will be, too.

In reply to the thread question, and reading your situation, I say, yes, it is still a big deal.

[Eismann]

Congrats sa new baby bro juntzo.

If marriage will help you settle everything, do it now. Civil lang ok na for now. Then set the church wedding after your wife gives birth, in my case church wedding came 2 months after my second child was born. Dalawa na baby ko ng ikasal sa church. he-he

[nostalgia]

I dont think it is a big deal. As long as you can support the baby, then go. Wag lang ipapa abort yung bata. Eh bakit mo iisipin ano sasabihin ng ibang tao, mas masama naman siguro sabihin na nagpalaglag ka di ba. As long as tanggap pa rin ng family ko, okay na ako dun.

[webmiester]

My gf of 5 years and I have been living together for almost a year now. Today she missed her period and she thinks she is pregnant. For me it's a wonderful thing! But for her, she has some apprehensions that some of her relatives will not approve!

I will marry her anytime of course. No problem. But what annoys me is that thing about what others will think of us having a baby before getting married. We are both professionals and have good jobs that pays well. We are also very much of legal age!

Here in the Philippines, is it still a big deal to have a baby before getting married? What do you think?

Does it matter to you if its a big deal or not? You love her, she loves you, you want to marry her, you want to provide the child as her father... Its as simple as that. It doesnt matter whether it's a big deal or not.

It's important that the child grows up with a father - actually one of the reasons why people would rather see marriage first before the pregnancy. If she is pregnant, then... she is pregnant. We cant erase the past and change that fact. It may be a big deal, or it may not be a big deal... whatever it is, we just have to deal with it!

She is apprehensive about what people say, blah blah blah. Anyone would think that way, perhaps even me. But as I said, it's already done, and we have to start thinking about the next step of action, not what will be the next thing on other people's mind. I think that this sort of thing is a big deal with any society. It is just that some societies prefer not to lambast the persons involved. In any country, teenage pregnancies are not being promoted, because it is a big deal. It isnt just the Philppines. In other countries it's even a big deal to have babies even when you're married (due to population issues)!

No matter whatever it is, we just have to deal with it, and do what you think is right. I think it would be a mistake for the couple to miss out on doing the right things because they succumbed to pressure because they were ashamed of what other people thought. I think that would be a big deal for you and your family.

[Big D]

You mention that you have been living together for the past five years, syempre ang relationship nyo nasa ibang level na, maybe it's about time you both share your love and life with another human being(love child nyo yan!) marami nga dyan gumagastos para lang magkaanak. Siguro mabuti nyan pakasal na kayo para di na mag alala ang GF mo, kasi nakakasama yan sa bata, you might regret it in the end... As for the relatives namaN, it's a natural reaction, syempre kadugo! pero, what's important is whatever you decide, sa puso niyo manggagaling ang final decision and you won't regret it in the end. Goodluck at sana mabalitaan mo kami sa next move niyo!!!