How to Tell if a Man is Serious or Playing Games?

[_Cathy_]

My friend is in a real dilemma and I told her that she should be getting advise from men and not SINGLE WOMEN like me Natawa ako sa message niya, I was a serial dater and I am not proud of it, but that doesn't mean I am experienced with men. Normally, I would ask my "constant" men in my life but they are now all gone after almost 20 yrs

Since majority of the members here are men, I think this is the best place to ask. My friend came from a catholic school for girls (Paulinian) and only had a 10+ yr relationship with her first BF tapos wala na after. She signed up for a dating app recently because her goal is to settle down (this is UF all over again) She is a unicorn in the dating app world - dalaga and as normal as one could get (looks, job and family) She is maputi and has a large chest so physically she's a catch

Six weeks ago, she started chatting with a guy and I found the specs unbelievable - late 30s, works for an intl org, true blue Atenean from GS to college, then took a second degree then took MBA with latin honors! WTF diba? The guy is quite near the batch of guys I dated pero dyaje namin mag investigate diba? I didn't even believe the specs at first so I asked my friend for the FB of the guy and we had mutual friends (school checks out) I also suspect that the guy is married since he has not added my friend on FB but then all the photos and comments point to single. So could it be that the guy is also a unicorn in the dating app? Guy has photos all over US, Europe and Asia, so his claim that he has travelled the world for work checks out as well. My friend told me he came from a modest background and was a full scholar so he focused on his career first and all his relationships were short term BUT BUT BUT here are the things that made me duda

1. Late 30s successful single Atenean on a dating app
2. Took him 3 weeks to make the first call to my friend
3. Has not asked my friend to meet (or add her on FB)
4. Only chats through messenger and RARELY makes calls
5. Not much late night messages

Yung late night calls, that's one of my tests if a guy is truly single e, kasi I have married guy friends, I sometimes chat with until past midnight, like my office buddy pero pag Manila based at hindi ka matawagan ng late night telebabad duda na ko But then his profile looks single

Anyway, my friend said that the guy started calling her babe and she reciprocated naman I told her e I only call someone babe if we are romantic na, at the MINIMUM MU e sila they are just friends. The guy also made a comment na since he is a scholar in Ateneo dapat scholar din magiging anak nila. He also said na family na lang missing in his life. My friend is conservative pala so when he made a green joke, my friend immediately told him that it made her uncomfortable. So I am thinking that the guy is testing how far he could get away with my friend. But if he is truly interested why did it take so long for him to make a call? They don't even know each other's mobile number? I have ZERO experience in dating apps, but is that the norm now?!?!

Prior to this guy, she dated a single Dad OFW who had custody of the daughter. I was so AGAINST this guy dahil dalaga friend ko! Anyway, good thing that the single dad left her for a single Mom (Daig ng malandi ang maganda!) Her first BF naman came from a very modest background and has no career, I also did not approve of that first BF because he had no ambition. I told her if this Atenean guy is the real deal - single and self made, then I approve! Swerte nga magiging BF ng friend ko because she is SUPER sweet, maalaga, motherly. low maintenance and NOT materialistic at all! The mere fact that she went for her BF of 10 yrs even if he had nothing to offer says a lot

So, what's on this guy's mind? Is he playing with my friend lang? Told my friend to give it 3 mos, pag walang progress (meet up) then she could ask him what's his plan ba talaga? But I also told her to entertain other guys pa rin and not focus on the guy too much, don't show him that she fell hard for him na!

HAY!!! So this is what they say that marriage is pag lagay sa tahimik. It is really very hard to be in the dating scene

[dr. d]

1. he's walang alam sa goils.
2. he's a hunter and is on the hunt.

[shadow]

It's a two way street. Ganun din siguro iniisip ng lalake sa friend mo, if she's really a catch pero bakit single pa at nag join pa sa dating app.


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[EQAddict]

Its a "dating" app. Guys are gonna look for easier targets for a flings and fun. Though there are exceptions of course.


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[_Cathy_]

1. he's walang alam sa goils.
2. he's a hunter and is on the hunt.

that's what we want to find out. I love my friend and it would really break my heart kung maloloko lang siya because she is such a good person. She does NOT deserve it at all.

I find it hard to believe na wala pa rin alam sa girls e he is more than 20 yrs out of HS na. YUng college niya coed naman and he's been working for so long na so a lot of interaction with the opposite s3x.

It's a two way street. Ganun din siguro iniisip ng lalake sa friend mo, if she's really a catch pero bakit single pa at nag join pa sa dating app.

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I have a lot of friends that are a good catch that are still single. Sa office barkada ko pa lang 100% single pa mga CPA, all in their 30s. Yung disenteng babae with no baggage or major flaws - MINIMUM average looks, has good education, job, and family.

In my friend's case, she was with one guy all her life, they broke up after more than 10 yrs and still tried to make things work, it was only last year that she decided that it's over. Since we are against time (biological time clock) and stuck at home, she joined a dating app because her goal is to get married and have children ASAP (this is UF all over again)

Sa lalaki naman, siya ang flirt ng flirt (calling my friend babe) pero hindi nagaalok ng meet up tapos hanggang chat chat lang. What's his excuse bakit hindi pwede before going to sleep kahit 10 mins? Either may ibang kausap, may asawa (I doubt) or he's not too into her?

Its a "dating" app. Guys are gonna look for easier targets for a flings and fun. Though there are exceptions of course.

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That's what I told my friends too kaya I refuse to join a dating app. I do know Tinder is full of married men pretending to be single and just looking for quick s3x. Although in this day and age, it is hard to hide your status kasi if a person says he does not have or refuses to give FB, you get suspicious na. Even the real name you could just google

I just find it weird that a guy with good specs is still single AND on a dating app. I have some guy friends around his age that are still single but being a rarity (older single) they don't need dating apps anymore

[dr. d]

that's what we want to find out. I love my friend and it would really break my heart kung maloloko lang siya because she is such a good person. She does NOT deserve it at all.

I find it hard to believe na wala pa rin alam sa girls e he is more than 20 yrs out of HS na. YUng college niya coed naman and he's been working for so long na so a lot of interaction with the opposite s3x.

well,
we can make the requisite discrete background checks (hire out a magnum, P.I.? heh heh.),
or we can let the relationship unroll, but with guarded guardedness...

uso pa bah ang group dating?

[_Cathy_]

well,
we can make the requisite discrete background checks (hire out a magnum, P.I.? heh heh.),
or we can let the relationship unroll, but with guarded guardedness...

uso pa bah ang group dating?

may mutual friends naman sa FB. May common friend yung guy and our officemate so my friend asked our officemate to ask the common friend about him, verified naman daw yung work and family BUT the most important question if single hindi tinanong LOL. BUt even if he is single, hindi pa rin malaman if he is playing her Masyado kasi mabait/matino friend ko and she doesn't know how to play games. She is so into him na kasi

[EQAddict]

If the girl mistrusts the guy this early......id stay away (both sides but especially for the guy).

Take it easy and everything at face value.




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[Egan101]

Just go with the flow. People most of the time over think things. They go out on a date and check each other out. If there’s no click between them, just move on.


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[Walter]

Dating app ... that already answers the question ... if your friend is such a catch, she wouldn't need dating apps ...

Her friend will not be listening to any advices here since she is desperate ... wanting to get married just because time is running out? ... recipe for disaster ... better to just wait until the right guy comes along ... you can't hurry love ...

Again, dating app ... any boy/girl on a dating app is either game or desperate ...

or you can just take Ellen Adarna's advice ...

[_Cathy_]

If the girl mistrusts the guy this early......id stay away (both sides but especially for the guy).

Take it easy and everything at face value.

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She is so into him and wants to win his heart but she is not sure if he's playing with her. I did give her similar advise (take it easy) and I told her not to stop talking to other guys Kasi masasaktan talaga siya if things don't work out. Me naman, as long as no I love yous and nothing physical happened pa then no need to ask the guy to define what they have. Gusto ba naman tanungin what they are na because he is calling her babe, I said too soon at bakit kasi naki babe naman siya HAHAHA

Just go with the flow. People most of the time over think things. They go out on a date and check each other out. If there’s no click between them, just move on.

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Usually ba how long for a guy to ask a girl to meet? My assumption kasi asap, or even within the week hehe, but I have no experience with dating apps so I really don't know, pero when I was in my teens/early 20s, yung mga pakilala ng friends over the phone, bihira yung tumagal ng one month na the guy doesn't ask to meet

Dating app ... that already answers the question ... if your friend is such a catch, she wouldn't need dating apps ...

The problem is the ratio of women vs men. Is it 4:1? The dating world is a man's world talaga. UF na lang, she is definitely a catch (my tsikot "friends" know her family and they are known for good looks), on paper she has great specs and she's kind and nurturing. She dated men from good families pero kakapili kakapili she ended up single in her late 30s and marrying a guy that is PHYSICALLY opposite of her ideal.

My friend naman, like I said, walang baggage (walang anak and only been with one guy) and she's above average (maputi and big boobs) hehehe. Mapagmamalaki mo naman pag inintroduce mo sa pamilya (she's no starlet or model modelan) Saka mabait talaga, konti lang girl friends ko and if I like a girl it only means sobrang bait nyan hahaha

She needs a dating app kasi nga she wants to marry na asap e how could she meet men when we are on lockdown? Sa age naman namin wala ng masyado ma introduce kasi mostly married na. Though personally, I still refuse dating apps kasi feeling ko marami are only there to hook up

[_Cathy_]

Dating app ... that already answers the question ... if your friend is such a catch, she wouldn't need dating apps ...

Her friend will not be listening to any advices here since she is desperate ... wanting to get married just because time is running out? ... recipe for disaster ... better to just wait until the right guy comes along ... you can't hurry love ...

Again, dating app ... any boy/girl on a dating app is either game or desperate ...

or you can just take Ellen Adarna's advice ...

This is also my impression kaya I don't join But then marrying because time is running out worked out for my friends (plural ha) in the long run. I am not at that point yet even if I have a few reproductive years left

Never mag live in friend ko e she does not even believe in premarital s3x. 10+ yrs hindi nabuntis, you'd believe her that she has no interest in s3x LOL. BTW what I found out (asking my exs), men do NOT kiss and tell their SOs to their friends (only their play time), pero girls, they do kiss and tell about their SO in DETAIL. I have some friends who are honest na they have no interest in s3x. I used to be like that but when I met crush, that changed and I was crazy hot for him and I think yun ang "hold" niya sakin for many years... Now I am back to my prude self, I like that better because I lose the upper hand when I am ruled by my animal side lol

Her message to me, I really feel for her (nakaka in love nga innocence niya) But I am the worst person to ask for advise. Saka nasabihan na ko ng I don't know how to handle a normal relationship. Yes, I finally admit that I'm crazy [emoji23]

[jut703]

Dating app ... that already answers the question ... if your friend is such a catch, she wouldn't need dating apps ...

Her friend will not be listening to any advices here since she is desperate ... wanting to get married just because time is running out? ... recipe for disaster ... better to just wait until the right guy comes along ... you can't hurry love ...

Again, dating app ... any boy/girl on a dating app is either game or desperate ...

or you can just take Ellen Adarna's advice ...

Dunno with your generation but I know a lot of people my age who found serious relationships (some even got married na) on Tinder/Bumble.

Hindi naman sila latak - mga doctor, lawyer, and successful corporate professionals naman.


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[_Cathy_]

Dunno with your generation but I know a lot of people my age who found serious relationships (some even got married na) on Tinder/Bumble.

Hindi naman sila latak - mga doctor, lawyer, and successful corporate professionals naman.


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I am curious about that nga, kasi sa generation ko born 70s and 80s, hindi nga maganda when you meet SOs online. I have a friend who met her BF (now husband) on chat (if anyone remembers MIRC/PIRCH) and changed the story/lied about it kasi sa generation namin parang embarrassed to say you met online

[dr. d]

Dunno with your generation but I know a lot of people my age who found serious relationships (some even got married na) on Tinder/Bumble.

Hindi naman sila latak - mga doctor, lawyer, and successful corporate professionals naman.


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one of my acquaintances found his future spouse in one such.
they married, and after several years, they have one child, and they are still pretty much in love.

one of my acquaintances naman, got turned off by the quality of the men she found.
... hiwalay sa asawa... ***-minded and such...

i suppose,
one can not make generalizations.

[Walter]

*jut ... Interesting point ... Guess it's different when you get to go out more compared to those who have little time to socialize ... or that's just how things work now ...

*cathy ... tell you friend to take her time ... some people still find love in their 40s, 50s, even 60s (often times after making mistakes in their 20s and 30s) ... science is there to handle having children issue at older age ...

[_Cathy_]

I'm getting into the "familiarity breeds contempt" stage with my friend already. I easily lose my temper on her now. I don't know why her being so naive, which I used to find endearing, irritates me already. Sometimes I have to explain figures of speech and colloquial terms aside from explaining how the world "works". I never had to do this with UF, I guess it's because we have the same values that we think the same. Kay Paulinian friend ko what's good about her is she's so patient, I've called her naive to her face several times already and she never gets mad at me LOL. I also get irritated when she asks too much details in my stories. Example, when I say I ate lunch, she has to ask me what specifically and where I bought. I suppose it's her way of conversation but I don't have the energy to go into details like that, unless I want to talaga.

She friend likes to talk about my love life, family and friends, I don't mind this at all, in fact I like it most of the time. So we were talking about my "mentor" friend and she asked me if he lives in X village. I said no, his surname doesn't automatically mean rich Then she says the people who live in X village kasi "dugot pawis". Napa face palm ako. Ilan sa 1% ang dugot pawis? Yung celebrity/politician na alam niya na nakatira dun, dugot pawis nga naman, but that is one in a million.

Another example - she doesn't know what making out means and thinks it's s3x. OMG! Kaya tuloy hindi kami magkaintindihan sa conversation

Now I am thinking, is that the reason why she says hindi siya ligawin? I am still very fond of her though but I think I need space!

[_Cathy_]

Here we go again, I am getting irritated with my friend. I think I get na why she can't hold on to guys from dating sites? She's been online dating for more than a year now and NONE progress to regular conversation (considering that she practically has zero standards) She asks questions that are too detailed and it's irritating Pati sweldo ng help and how often yung payment, do we really need to talk about that in casual conversation? Kapag food, isn't it enough I said pastries, kailangan i detail ko pa

[StockEngine]

Here we go again, I am getting irritated with my friend. I think I get na why she can't hold on to guys from dating sites? She's been online dating for more than a year now and NONE progress to regular conversation (considering that she practically has zero standards) She asks questions that are too detailed and it's irritating Pati sweldo ng help and how often yung payment, do we really need to talk about that in casual conversation? Kapag food, isn't it enough I said pastries, kailangan i detail ko pa

baket ma details si marites? ano profession?

[dr. d]

Here we go again, I am getting irritated with my friend. I think I get na why she can't hold on to guys from dating sites? She's been online dating for more than a year now and NONE progress to regular conversation (considering that she practically has zero standards) She asks questions that are too detailed and it's irritating Pati sweldo ng help and how often yung payment, do we really need to talk about that in casual conversation? Kapag food, isn't it enough I said pastries, kailangan i detail ko pa

my opinion,
people who ask you many questions, might very well be interested in you.