EX-es that would just not leave.

[bougartt]

Did you guys ever experince a time that the EX of your partner would just not leave your relationship alone?

Well here's my story

Alright so way before I made a thread about how to propose to my girlfriend and stuff..

Now that we're engaged, and word has spread quite quickly. It has spread to all of our networks. So now we're preparing for the wedding, here comes HER EX. Constantly trying to communicate with her. Through texts, emails and telephone calls. I said just tell him ONCE to just leave us alone and for me thats enough.

Well the guy lives in the states and to our surprise the douche bag shows up in MY FIANCE's HOUSE (here in the Philippines) on CHRISTMAS DAY. We both were caught off guard. So my fiance's family was PRESENT, because we were celebrating Christmas in her house. So my fiance goes out and talks to him. I heard their conversation go something like "Hi, I was in the area I decided to drop by and give you something, if you're not doing anything maybe you would want to have a cup of coffee etc etc.." I waited for 10 mins my heart was beating so hard, i couldnt breath and after hearing the conversation i purposely went out of the house,stood in front of the door of the house for him to see me.

I honestly wanted to beat the brains out of this guy for having the nerve to show himself and invite my fiance for coffee.

(SORRY but I believe you severe ties with past lovers when you are committed with someone. )

So back to the story, from a far, I purposely cleared my throat to catch my fiance's attention to introduce me. All i said was I'm HER FIANCE. And that was it. I kept my cool with not trying to mouth off anymore.

I saw the disappointment in the guy's face and decided to leave.


So my point in writing and opening this thread is:

1. Did I do the right thing for just saying " I'm _____,HER FIANCE"

2. What if this ex is so persistent, any tips on how to make this guy leave us alone? Because honestly you're not being mature for homewrecking a relationship.



Your inputs are valued. Thanks :-)

[ab_initio]

Did you guys ever experince a time that the EX of your partner would just not leave your relationship alone?



(SORRY but I believe you severe ties with past lovers when you are committed with someone. )

So back to the story, from a far, I purposely cleared my throat to catch my fiance's attention to introduce me. All i said was I'm HER FIANCE. And that was it. I kept my cool with not trying to mouth off anymore.

I saw the disappointment in the guy's face and decided to leave.


So my point in writing and opening this thread is:

1. Did I do the right thing for just saying " I'm _____,HER FIANCE"

2. What if this ex is so persistent, any tips on how to make this guy leave us alone? Because honestly you're not being mature for homewrecking a relationship.



Your inputs are valued. Thanks :-)

Congrats, bro! that was so admirable of you. i so admire your strength and how have time made you truly a man.

IMO, i believe that you need to engage your fiancee once more...engage her in a discussion about it. and tell her how you feel about the ex lurking even with the notorious engagement.

i guess your fiancee now has an idea why her ex would just be an ex. nothing more, nothing less. just an EX.

***personally, i can't trust someone who manifests signs of being a relationship wrecker...i should brace myself often when i'm with the wrecker.

[badkuk]

1.) karapatan mo naman yun. imho that was the most diplomatic way of telling him to back off.

2.) anong sabi ng fiancee mo? maybe they had some unresolved issues, so he just wanted to have one last talk/goodbye. the guy probably got inspired by some cheesy love story.

di po klaro sa akin ung buong istorya, but have you talked this over with your fiancee? siguro naman maiiintindihan naman niya that you're not ok with it. for people who are about to get married, dapat me limits na.


as for the ex na makulit...imho it depends on your fiancee. It takes two to tango, so kahit magkita sila araw araw, if she won't cross the line, then nothing will happen.

if she says no and he still keeps coming...harassment na yan. slap a restraining order on him and sic a few bad cops on his *$$.

[uls]

it all depends on the girl

if the girl is consistent and firm in discouraging the ex (like telling him she's gonna get married soon, telling him she has no more feelings for him whatsoever, telling him to go look for someone else coz he has zero chance with her...)

sooner or later, they ex will give up and leave you two alone

BUT..

if the girl entertains him (let's him talk, allowing him to lengthen conversations, allowing him to say things that get into her head... basically, allowing the guy to make his case, making him think he is being given a chance...)

then you got a problem

[testament11]

ok lang yun. nice way of saying. wala tayo magagawa kung madisappoint lang yung ex. siguro eh the ex was expecting of something, kaso yun ang naabutan nya. sorry for him though...

[bougartt]

* ab_initio
- Thanks so much! My fiancee has told him several time to stop it already. We had this talk before and she always tells me to trust her. So I just put it all in to God's hands.


*badkuk
- My fiancee was caught off guard too. To be honest my fiancee broke it off with the ex and told him to back off a long time ago, and agian last year, and then again just this december. During her birthday, the douche bag sent A DOZEN ROSES TO HER HOUSE, WITH A CARD, with his term of endearment to her. THAT WAS REALLY REALLY BELOW THE BELT ALREADY. As much as I want to file for harassment on the guy, his family is POWERFUL and RICH, as compared to me, who is just a regular guy making a regular living. And we know all the rich people could move mountains in our beloved country.

*uls
- My fiancee is very trustworthy. We both are very transparent with each other when it comes to these matters. She has told this douche bag to leave us alone THREE TIMES already. And I believe that's enough for him to get the picture right?

[CVT]

it all depends on the girl

if the girl is consistent and firm in discouraging the ex (like telling him she's gonna get married soon, telling him she has no more feelings for him whatsoever, telling him to go look for someone else coz he has zero chance with her...)

sooner or later, they ex will give up and leave you two alone

BUT..

if the girl entertains him (let's him talk, allowing him to lengthen conversations, allowing him to say things that get into her head... basically, allowing the guy to make his case, making him think he is being given a chance...)

then you got a problem

Agree here bro. At that stage in your relationship, they need closure now, if still needed. But no further conversation nor contact, IMO.

7303:soda:

[deathlance]

i think it was a good move, pero you could have been subtle when you have said it, a different way..

like hun, the families waiting for you, btw the wedding planner called what motiff will we get daw for our wedding..

pero ok na rin un, bluntly done lang, para di isipin ng wifey mo na mejo mayabang ang dating.. pero maintindihan naman ng future wifey mo un..

and oh btw, when your wifey says trust her do trust her ok... and do ask updates na hindi demanding. kinukulit ka pa ba nun? gusto mo pabugbug ko sabay tawa or something wag mo lang ippressure ung wifey mo..

nakakastress ung ganun eh, you guys are engaged, mahihiya ung wifey mo sa family mo and her family kasi may umeentra pa, so the least you could do is stress her out, be her confidant and tell her that everythings ok and that you trust her with all your heart.

to you: dude ikaw pinili ng fiancee mo, so no need to be scared and all, di ka nyan pag papalit.. make her smile lagi pag nag uusap kayu ng tungkol dun, dont frown nor get mad.. keep her at ease and comfy

suggestion ko lang ha.. :D

[Horsepower]

Did you guys ever experince a time that the EX of your partner would just not leave your relationship alone?

Well here's my story

Alright so way before I made a thread about how to propose to my girlfriend and stuff..

Now that we're engaged, and word has spread quite quickly. It has spread to all of our networks. So now we're preparing for the wedding, here comes HER EX. Constantly trying to communicate with her. Through texts, emails and telephone calls. I said just tell him ONCE to just leave us alone and for me thats enough.

Well the guy lives in the states and to our surprise the douche bag shows up in MY FIANCE's HOUSE (here in the Philippines) on CHRISTMAS DAY. We both were caught off guard. So my fiance's family was PRESENT, because we were celebrating Christmas in her house. So my fiance goes out and talks to him. I heard their conversation go something like "Hi, I was in the area I decided to drop by and give you something, if you're not doing anything maybe you would want to have a cup of coffee etc etc.." I waited for 10 mins my heart was beating so hard, i couldnt breath and after hearing the conversation i purposely went out of the house,stood in front of the door of the house for him to see me.

I honestly wanted to beat the brains out of this guy for having the nerve to show himself and invite my fiance for coffee.

(SORRY but I believe you severe ties with past lovers when you are committed with someone. )

So back to the story, from a far, I purposely cleared my throat to catch my fiance's attention to introduce me. All i said was I'm HER FIANCE. And that was it. I kept my cool with not trying to mouth off anymore.

I saw the disappointment in the guy's face and decided to leave.


So my point in writing and opening this thread is:

1. Did I do the right thing for just saying " I'm _____,HER FIANCE"

2. What if this ex is so persistent, any tips on how to make this guy leave us alone? Because honestly you're not being mature for homewrecking a relationship.



Your inputs are valued. Thanks :-)

What you did, while understandable, is wrong. I know you know that. You started the thread with that premise.

You should've trusted your fiance more.

You should have been more secure with yourself.

You should've waited for her to introduce you.

As for you, it could've been a valuable opportune moment to test her loyalty to you. It would've felt a whole lot better.

We cannot control everything and anything is possible.

While it is more convenient to do so in theory, it's not as peaceful and happy as letting things flow freely.

Love is not about being in control or claiming ownership of a person, it's being one with that person.

If, for some reason, she chooses to cancel the wedding and flees with her ex, let her be. It would be unfortunate for you but you should be ready to accept it if and when that happens. Her happiness should be your top priority.

As for you, it'll be an opportunity to seek and be with someone else way better.

Best of luck. Don't worry too much :-)

[XTO]

IMO Forget what happened. Give your fiancé a final ultimatum by assessment. Monitor her manners/action, we all know that it’s going to be tough but you really have to do this. It’s better to face, deal and solve it NOW before it’s too late. Sadly it’s a win-lose situation. Good luck.