Need Legal advise or to those who have experienced this

[Djerms]

Our family sucks whenever my dad is around. He has this attitude of putting people down and making them lose their confidence in almost everything they do. Hindi naman siya nananakit physically but he says things like, ang t*#$nga T*nga mo, PuT*%$na mo, ang b0b* mo etc.etc. Sa akin ok lang yun coz tanggap ko na na ganun kaliit ang utak niya. Besides I have a great job and he does not!

My problem is his attitude towards my younger brothers. Last Sunday, sobrang pinagalitan niya ang brother ko about this very small mistake that he made. Nung una, pinagsabihan. My bro said ok and accepted his mistake. Tapos binalik balikan pa. tapos pinagmumura na, then sinabihan na upahan na lang daw ng brother ko ang kwarto nya. Anak ng topak! Napuno na ang brother ko (Kahit sino naman siguro na nananahimik mabubuysit), nagdilim ang paningin niya, at pinagmumura na ang dad ko!

Ever since hindi pinatulan ng brother ko ang dad ko. Nagkukulong nalang yun sa room. But last sunday was different, talagang pinagmumura niya and considering my brother's size, natakot ako at baka sapakin niya! My mom told us to let him release his anger coz ever since nga hindi siya pumatol sa tatay ko. Maybe this was the result of all those silent reactions.

Anyway, what I did was to talk to my brothers na pagpasensiyahan nalang kasi nga matanda na.

Ang kinaiinis ko ay pati sa akin pala ay galit ang dad ko. Kinakausap ko siya kagabi, parang utot ako na hindi pinansin. So I told myself, if he's gonna be like this around the house, mas mabuti pa na wala na siya at nang nakakahinga kami ng maluwag. Sabi ng mom ko, balak na nga niya ibenta ang house then we're (with my brothers) will buy another one nalang away from my dad. Agree ako sa decision na ito and upon consulting with my brothers agree din sila. Sabi nila sa akin na nawawalan na sila ng self esteem and confidence with my dad around. They wana make decisions on their own. So I guess this is the proper action. SInabi naman niya before na mas magiging masaya siya kung iwanan nalang niya kami and to live a life of his own eh, e di mas ok.

Sa totoo lang, we dont want him around.

To the lawyers and tsikot peeps. What actions should we do in order to proceed with our plan to sell the house considering na conjugal property ito? Kung hindi ba pumayag ang dad ko, pwede namin siya paalisin due to emotional depression ng mga brothers ko. Hindi kasi kami makahinga kung nandito siya. Please advise.

Thanks

[1D4LV]

im not a lawyer, but i think you cannot really sell the house without the consent of your pop. dapat mai-transfer muna sa inyo yung rights bago mangyari lahat yun. that can only mean, dapat palabasin nya na pamana or gift nila sa inyo yung house.

i really don't advise na paalisin nyo tatay nyo. maski gano sya kasama, tatay nyo pa rin yan and you will not be in this world without him. try to think about the things that he has given you like education, food, etc. probably, may ugali lang talaga sya.

i advise two things:

a) talk to your father's relative (e.g. brother, lola mo na nanay ng tatay mo, etc.) and let them talk to your pop. baka mabulaga at magbago or;

b) kayo ang umalis sa bahay, kung talagang di nyo matiis ugali nya.. (i'm serious). i think it is better dahil may good job naman kayo ng mga utol mo, compared to him na baka may idad na...

my two cents.

[artpogi]

I agree with Happy_Gilmore, especially in option "b".

Get out of the house, get your own place, you, your brothers and your mother.

I'm not a lawyer too, pero no win yung proposal mo. Hindi kayo sinasaktan physically and the burden of proof will be on your side.

The best solution talaga is to get your own place.

HTH

[Djerms]

Happy,
We tried to talk to him before pero to no avail. Hindi naman ako ang magbebenta ng house namin. My mom will. She also has rights over the house naman di ba? Since conjugal property ito.?

Kung ayaw niya ibenta ang house and if he insists to stay, we'll probably get a lawyer na to get him away from us.

Kung ako lang..oo matitiis ko. But I can see the negative effects sa mga brothers ko eh.

[Djerms]

Hindi ba pwede kasuhan kahit na hindi physical attack ang basis? Di ba pwede na un?

[yebo]

I also am not a lawyer but i know of someone who went through the same thing (friend of mine from work). as far as i know they had a legal separation before they were able to dispose off the properties. pwede lang yan pag legally separated ang parents mo, separation of conjugal property.

your mom can sue for legal separation, citing emotional and psychological torture as the basis. they then have a separation of conjugal properties. hopefully this will be an amicable process, if not this will be another case. they can sell the house and then your mom gets 50% of the proceeds, your dad gets the other 50%. kayong mga anak wala pa kayong makukuha since your parents are both still alive.

but since mahal ang process of legal separation maybe you will be better off just investing the money you will spend for lawyers and court fees as downpayment in another property.

[zero]

option "b" is good. your dad can't sell the property too without you mom's approval.
probably if option "a" won't work, option "b" will make him realize na wala palang may gusto sa pamamalakad niya as padre de familia. yun nga lang, magkakaroon ng depression si daddy mo which may lead to a more serious problem.

[Djerms]

Zero.

Sabi ng dad ko sa mukha ko last sunday: "mas magiging masaya pa ako kung umalis nalang ako dito at hindi ko na kayo papakialaman!"

I dont think he'll be depressed...

[OTEP]

Give it time at baka ma-patch up niyo pa din.

Baka naghahanap lang ng apo ang tatay mo kaya bugnutin.

I know how angry you are right now. Pero I think lilipas din iyan. Granting hindi na maibabalik ang dating pagtitinginan niyo, malamang both of you will not stay at this hostility level for long naman.

Try to live somewhere else for the meantime. Or kagaya ng ginagawa ng mga kakilala ko, maaga papasok tapos late na uuwi para wala nang confrontation.

[Djerms]

'tep,

Kung sa akin lang, ok lang na tiisin ko na. Ang kaso yung mga kapatid to ang apektado. hindi makapag-aral ng mabuti and like what you said, gabi na umuuwi kasi ayaw na maabutang gising ang tatay ko. Ako ang nagwoworry kung gabi umuuwi at nagkokomyut pa ang isa.

About living somewhere else, mom ko naman ang mahihirapan since yung funds na gagamitin sana namin ay from the proceeds of our house na balak namin ibenta.

[sauman]

how old na ba ang tatay mo? siguro mas mahabang pasensya pa kailangan mo kung talagang matanda na siya. Baka naman kulang kayo ng communication sa bahay niyo kaya nagiging ganyan ang attitude ng tatay mo sa inyo. Tama lahat ang sabi ng ibang tsikoteers dito, the best thing to do is mag -usap kayong lahat sa household niyo better yet mag invite kayo ng isa pang "elderly' na kamag-anak at mag -hingahan kayo ng sama ng loob sa isa't isa. Bago kayo mag-decide ng brother mo on legal matters ay pag isipan niyo munang mabuti pag ginawa niyo ito magiging -irreversible na lalabas ang away-away niyo sa bahay niyo at pag nagkataon you might regret making such a decision. After ng lahat ng ito Mag Open-Up kayo lagi sa tatay niyo para di na lumala pa ulit ang sitwasyon sa bahay niyo.

[pnay_fickle_minded]

yes better have an open-forum sa inyo.... nasasabi lang ng father mo yun, but deep inside di cguro totoo yun...ika nga tulak ng bibig kabig ng dibdib... Eversince ba pati nung mga kids pa kayo ganyan na sya? Cguro naiinsecure lang yun for some reasons... yung father kasi ng friend ko ganun, masyado pakielamero and insecure, wala kasi magawa sa bahay, hanggat sa napuno na ang pamilya, iniwan for awhile, pero naayos naman bandang huli. Maybe kelangan lang nga cguro bigyan ng space at ma-realized nya mga pagkakamali nya

[yebo]

Djerms,

i've been reading your posts and what i'm going to say is on one extreme of the problem, so please read with an open mind...

imho, i don't think talking will do any good. it will only invite more harsh words from your father, and posiibly even physical violence. there are such people who have so much hatred in them that they no longer think that other people are important too. i think your dad is one of them.

you, your siblings, and your mom better get out of the house before something worse happens. like fratricide. please pardon my directness, but families have been known to kill each other. it does not take much for verbal abuse to turn to physical violence.

your father needs to be left alone for him to realise that he is not the "god" of your family. when he feels the loneliness of living alone then and only then will he stop terrorizing your family. also he needs to know that all of you can live independent of him. it is entirely possible that he considers all of you as dependent on himself, that is why he considers himself as having the "right" or "karapatan" to treat you as he does. by declaring yourselves independent from him then this "power" that he feels over you will vanish. the only way to humble a king is to take away his kingdom so to speak.

i suppose you would not consider living in the province where the rent is much cheaper than in MManila since your siblings are in school. there are "old" apartments still available that rent cheap though. kung hindi knaman kayo masyado maselan then maybe this is the way to go until such time that you can sell the house and buy a new one. it's summer time so your brothers are on vacation. this will be the best time to move.

[1D4LV]

Originally posted by Djerms
Hindi ba pwede kasuhan kahit na hindi physical attack ang basis? Di ba pwede na un?

agree with yebo dun sa legal separation muna. definitely, your mom cannot sell the property without your dad's consent, if they are still married.

[artpogi]

me & Yebo share the same thought.

With all due respect Djerms, but the way you described your father and the situation, I think talking to him is not the best solution right now.

I still think that the best immediate solution to your problem is for you and your siblings to get out of there and get your own place before it turns ugly, especially now na nagsimula na umalma ang brother mo.

Sort of like cooling down period muna. Then once everybody has cooled down, then maybe you can all start talking about the problem/situation.

But I still hope that you and your family will be able to sort things out in the end.

Peace

[Djerms]

Yebo,
No offense taken sir. Actually, I appreciate your suggestions.

Artpogi, Happy, & Yebo:
It would really be easier for us to just get out of the house. The problem is the financial capabilities ng mom ko. Kaya naman siguro niya but nakakapanghinayang kung kakastos kami for paying rent.

Anyway, my mom already made an appointment with a lawyer nxt week. Ayaw na namin kausapin ang dad ko. Its up to his brother nalang siguro. Kung gusto niya umalis then that would be better. Kung ayaw niya, sa korte nalang siguro mag-usapusap.

Thanks po.

[pajerokid]

Sad to hear what's going on with your family life Nico..... no comments about the case though. Parang irerecommend lang kayo ng korte sa baranggay or sa counseling.

[OTEP]

Try solving this in the most positive way.

Medyo may hidwaan din sa aking family (though not with my nuclear family). Ang problema diyan is minsan ang mga ganyang away nag nakakaabot sa mga next generations.

Ngayon galit ang mga pinsan ko sa U.S. saken. Ni wala naman akong ginagawa. Nanahimik lang ako sa Pinas.

[wildthing]

Otep inggit sila sa pagiging Mr. Suave mo...he,he,he ...joke lang sir.

back to the topic...Djerms, sa totoo lang ganyan kahirap magpalaki ng magulang....that's the same reason why I bailed out of our home, the first time I got the chance...since that time I make my own house rules and my life was way much better.

mahirap kumontra kasi with out him, wala ka rin naman dito sa mundo....

IMO may psychological problem ang dad ninyo (could be work related) and kayo ang kanyang escape goat....kasi kayo lang ang kaya-kayanin ninya....if you can't take the heat...you've got to leave....else pati kayo magkakaroon na ng malaking psychological problem.

my 2 cents. peace.

[gretzy]

that's too bad, i cant imagine myself in the same situation actually.

you've mentioned "whenever your dad is around" , where does he go?

do u think ur mom will approve if u tell her to be legally separated from ur dad?