How to end an illicit love affair?

[maverickjazzy]

I have been married for more than 7 years, and went steady with my wife for 5years before we got married. For nearly 13 years, I am completely faithful to her and not once did it ever crossed my mind to betray her trust. But early this year, my fidelity was put to the test and I failed miserably.

I had an affair with a co-employee, but we do not share the same office or building as she is assigned in the province and i'm here in manila. The thing is, she doesnt know that i'm married. I guess she believed me and doesnt bother to verify my civil status as I lied to her when she asked me about it several times.

Another thing is, she has boyfriend working abroad who asked her to marry him once he returns to the country this december. In principle, she accepted the marriage proposal and was in fact making preparations for the marriage.

Unfortunately, we met while I visited their office. Our first encounter is purely professional, until we had a friendly dinner date. She is very beautiful and an amazing person. A very nice and sweet lady. Our age gap is more than 10 years, she is only 23 and im 35, but this did not prevent me from falling in love with her. Don't get me wrong, I still love my wife dearly but I guess there really comes a time when a man is distracted by a new interest and cannot fight the temptation.

Now my conscience is bothering me tremendously, because the very values (faithfulness, loyalty, honesty) which I hold in high regard are now completely gone. Plus the fact that im afraid that I might impregnate her and destroy her bright future. She now loves me more than her boyfriend, which she admitted during one of our liaison. She is now considering breaking-up with her boyfried.

I am completely ashamed of what I have done and I don't know how to tell it to her. I guess it is a very cruel thing to do to a wonderful person and I dont know how open it up to her without hurting her so much. I've accepted the fact that she will hate me for my dishonesty.

[niky]

There's ever always only one way to end these things... cold turkey. And if you can ever find the courage, tell your wife, too.

I know it's hard to admit wrong-doing, but something like this can eat you up inside for the rest of your life... particularly if you're honest enough to feel ashamed of what you've done.

Don't ask me how or where to find the courage to own up to this... I've never been able to admit stuff like this unless I've been confronted, already. But if you're brave enough to ask for advice, it's just another step to come out in the open with it.

Mahirap talaga yung ganitong klaseng situation... I went steady with my wife for ten years before we got married (been married for three)... and there have been trials. You just have to recognize your vulnerabilities and nip things in the bud before they happen. Sadly, though we wish it to be different... it's very difficult for a man and a woman to stay as "just firends" if they're compatible in any way. And once you let your guard down... well, you already know what happens.

Just look inside yourself to discover what you want, and do what you feel is right, no matter how hard it is.

[uls]

hehe jan nag uumpisa yan e... friendly dinner date

-------------

there's no other way... just tell her the truth.

mas mali naman if u fabricate more lies to get out of that affair.

tell her u lied to her, tell her you're married...

she'll get hurt... she'll get mad... but she'll get over it.

kung nabuntis mo sya, she'll just become a single mom... that happens all the time...

[c_cube]

Tell the truth. there's no other way to get out of that mess unless you tell both to your wife and your mistress (sorry for the term) the truth. it will be very hard to find some courage to tell them but its the only way for you to have a peace of mind. also be ready to face all the consequences of your doings.

sabi nga sa isang kasabihan "the truth shall set you free"

[H1Tman]

tell the truth to your lover but don't tell your wife.

your lover may forgive you but your wife may not. can you handle that?

[CoDer]

Just end it, find the courage to tell your wife and your victim. You'll get burned in the process though.

[fourtheboys96]

isipin mo na habang tumatagal yan, mas lalong sumasakit ang kahihinatnan.

[MaNgo_Crepe]

tell the truth to your lover but don't tell your wife.

your lover may forgive you but your wife may not. can you handle that?

I agree w/ this...have the balls to tell the truth to your lover and end the said affair.. but don't tell it to your wife, what she doesn't know won't hurt....i myself, being a wife, hinde kita talaga titigilan hanggat hinde ko nakikilala yung girl...and worst, baka hiwalayan pa kita

[alwayz_yummy]

MC di ako yan ha.. ayaw ko na ng gulo noh..

[juanarodriguez]

I agree w/ this...have the balls to tell the truth to your lover and end the said affair.. but don't tell it to your wife, what she doesn't know won't hurt....i myself, being a wife, hinde kita talaga titigilan hanggat hinde ko nakikilala yung girl...and worst, baka hiwalayan pa kita

+1 MaNgo_Crepe....makikisingit lang po! been married myself for almost 20 years. I told my husband "anything I do not know won't hurt me" at siguraduhin lang nya na magaling sya magtago at pag nalaman ko that he is fooling around lahat ng parte ng katawan nya may latay!!! Maswerte siya kung bubuhayin ko pa sya!

Seriously, I value trust and if I can't trust the person I sleep with every single night...I don't think I would be able to live with it at all! If there's no trust how can you expect that the other person will respect you? If there is no trust or respect, where will love fit in?

Sabi nga...."I told you not to go to you go to now look at!" in tagalog "sinabi ko na sa iyo na wag ka pumunta doon pumunta ka pa ayan tingnan mo...."masarap lahat ng bawal but always ask yourself if you are ready to accept the consequences...at the end of the day, ikaw lang ang makaka-solve ng problem mo. Do the right thing bro end the relationship with the girl!

[skyediver]

tell the truth to your lover but don't tell your wife.

ITA with this post. What your wife doesn't know won't hurt her. It's bad enough that you will hurt the other woman's feelings when you tell her the truth, bakit kailangan pati asawa mo, sasaktan mo din? Don't tell her about your affair, just be contrite for what you have done and make a promise to yourself that you will NEVER, EVER do it again.

[niky]

Just because it happens, doesn't make it right.

Marriage is the security net for whatever children come about from the relations of men and women. If it's the woman's decision to become a single mother, it's her right, as long as she can support the child, but if she becomes pregnant on the understanding that her partner is going to be there to help her care for the child, then it's unfair to give her such false hopes.

[uls]

in this case the threadstarter can't marry the girl.

so kung nabuntis nya ung girl, the only thing he can do is support the girl and the baby.

but the financial support will be unsustainable. How long can he keep it up? a year? 2 years? 5 years?

Usually tumitigil ang support ilan months lang... bihira lang ang years...

the girl will end up on her own sooner or later...

Her being a single mom isn't a choice. Magiging single mom yan. hanggang maka asawa sya ng iba.

Sana hindi nabuntis. yun lang

[shadow]

what if na kahit nagtapat na sa girl na may asawa na ang TS at sabihin pa din ng girl na ok lang na may asawa ang TS dahil mahal na mahal nga...

mahirap ganitong situation talaga.

eh di tuloy ang ligaya...:barmy::party:

at least alam na ng mga personalities kung saan sila lulugar...

[niky]

Oops... pregnant na yung wifey? Yeah... don't tell her yet... risky business nga yun, bro... if you ever do tell her, do it much later... maybe when your kid is two or three?

[mikaztro]

I have been married for more than 7 years, and went steady with my wife for 5years before we got married. For nearly 13 years, I am completely faithful to her and not once did it ever crossed my mind to betray her trust. But early this year, my fidelity was put to the test and I failed miserably.

I had an affair with a co-employee, but we do not share the same office or building as she is assigned in the province and i'm here in manila. The thing is, she doesnt know that i'm married. I guess she believed me and doesnt bother to verify my civil status as I lied to her when she asked me about it several times.

Another thing is, she has boyfriend working abroad who asked her to marry him once he returns to the country this december. In principle, she accepted the marriage proposal and was in fact making preparations for the marriage.

Unfortunately, we met while I visited their office. Our first encounter is purely professional, until we had a friendly dinner date. She is very beautiful and an amazing person. A very nice and sweet lady. Our age gap is more than 10 years, she is only 23 and im 35, but this did not prevent me from falling in love with her. Don't get me wrong, I still love my wife dearly but I guess there really comes a time when a man is distracted by a new interest and cannot fight the temptation.

Now my conscience is bothering me tremendously, because the very values (faithfulness, loyalty, honesty) which I hold in high regard are now completely gone. Plus the fact that im afraid that I might impregnate her and destroy her bright future. She now loves me more than her boyfriend, which she admitted during one of our liaison. She is now considering breaking-up with her boyfried.

I am completely ashamed of what I have done and I don't know how to tell it to her. I guess it is a very cruel thing to do to a wonderful person and I dont know how open it up to her without hurting her so much. I've accepted the fact that she will hate me for my dishonesty.

My advice to you...JUST STOP IT!

Been there..done that.

You should have told her you are married in the first place. It is unfair for the girl and to your family. Why pretend? It only complicates things. While you are still in control of things...try to cut the relationship early. You can stop it by doing the following:

- Telling her the truth and what you feel about the whole situation.
- Avoid constant meet ups or dates.
- Avoid intimacy with her in txt or in person.
- Spend more time with your family and less time with her.
- Tell her your immediate and future plans for your family.
- If you still love your kids/wife, then tell your gf so.
- Don't commit anything to her.
- Engage in other sports activities to keep you mentally fit.
- Try spiritual enlightenment.


Good luck! I hope this helps.

[emanzano]

She is very beautiful and an amazing person. A very nice and sweet lady. Our age gap is more than 10 years, she is only 23 and im 35...

...She now loves me more than her boyfriend, which she admitted during one of our liaison. She is now considering breaking-up with her boyfried.

I am completely ashamed of what I have done and I don't know how to tell it to her. I guess it is a very cruel thing to do to a wonderful person and I dont know how open it up to her without hurting her so much. I've accepted the fact that she will hate me for my dishonesty.

Dude, you're my new hero!!!

You must feel awful now. But not as awful as never knowing what could have been between the two of you. Can you imagine yourself 5yrs from now, wondering what it would have felt like to kiss her, to hold her, to be intimate with her? Now you know, and you'll never be that guy who will always wonder. You probably felt the most alive in your life when you were with her in your secret liaisons, huh? You playa! Good for you!

You always knew this would happen before you guys started flirting diba? So you feel bad. Take it like a man.

But seriously, it felt good to be alive huh?


"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."

[jansky]

ano na kaya ending nito?

[ab_initio]

set the girl free...you are destroying her.

[Flagg]

Dude, you're my new hero!!!

Uh, be very very careful, my friend.