The Perpetual NBA Thread

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:32 PM

Q: Are you crazy? Seriously, are you crazy? Did you just advocate in a column on the biggest sports Web site that Seattle fans should pick a home game, then agree collectively to walk onto the court in a nonviolent, nonaggressive protest between the third and fourth quarters? Do you realize that one drunk fan could start a riot by shoving a security guard or something? Do you realize how scared the players would be? Do you realize how much security we'd need to have there? Call this off or I'm sending Bennett Salvatore and Bob Delaney to your house to rough you up. I mean it. Call it off. Don't test me unless you want to wake up with Rajon Rondo's head in your bed.
--D.S., New York City

SG: In all seriousness, the more I'm thinking about it, too many things could go wrong with hundreds of Sonics fans walking onto the court during an NBA game. Even if one fan screwed the whole thing up, that would defeat the purpose of the protest and potentially hurt the cause. It's just too risky. That leaves one of three options:

1. A boycott before a nationally televised game (like that March 24 game against Washington). As I wrote last week, I don't think boycotts work because there always will be fans saying, "Screw you guys, I paid good money for those seats, I'm going in."

2. For that 3/24 game, everyone sitting on the side of the court that's shown by the camera gets up and moves to the other side of the arena. Again, a little tough to pull off because of the "Screw you guys, I paid good money for those seats" factor ... but if there were only 8,000 people at the game, couldn't everyone just move to one side? That way, it would LOOK like everyone boycotted the game because of all the empty seats. Or, it would look like your average Miami Heat home game. Either way, it would be effective.

3. You know how those WWE events start with everyone holding up signs, and the beginning always looks cool because the whole arena is covered with signs? What if everyone brought signs for that 3/24 game like "Save Our Sonics" and "Stern + Bennett = Seattle Screwed" and held them up throughout the game? It's certainly never been done before. The good thing about this idea is that, even if only half the crowd is participating, it would still seem like everyone's involved.

Anyway, my advice would be a combination of Nos. 2 and 3 -- everyone moves to one side of the arena on 3/24, and everyone brings a sign. It's a safer solution than 4,000 fans potentially cramming onto a basketball court in a nonviolent protest, as great and as cool as that sounds on paper. But if anyone has a better suggestion, e-mail it to me.

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:33 PM

Q: Have you seen our team right now? We have 12 quality guys! I'm going to start KG, Perk, Pierce, Ray and Rondo, and I'm going to bring P.J., Sam, Eddie, Posey and Big Baby off the bench, but I'm going to find minutes for Tony and Powe, too. Everyone's minutes will be determined on a game-by-game basis at my whim. I couldn't be happier. Has a team ever won the NBA title with a 12-man rotation?
--Doc R., Boston

SG: (Gulping.)

Q: Did you notice that we did it again? We mailed in November, December and January more egregiously than Forest Whitaker mailed in "Vantage Point" -- in fact, we would have mailed in February as well if the West didn't catch fire like it did. Now we're the favorites again. Tell your boys in Boston that the first three months of the NBA season don't mean squat. I'd have more to say but I have to go to the post office to mail another fruit basket to Sam Presti. See you in June. You're not getting rid of us. You're never getting rid of us.
--G. Popovich, San Antonio

SG: That clubbing sound you just heard was the sound of every ABC and ESPN executive punching themselves in the face. How does "Pistons-Spurs II: The Rematch" sound, fellas? Not quite as enticing as "Celtics-Lakers: The Next Generation" or "Kobe! LeBron! It's the NBA Finals on ABC!!!!" Right? Do you think the NBA has considered giving Tim Donaghy a new jersey number, a wig and a fake mustache and assigning him to every Spurs game in the Western finals?

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:33 PM

Q: When I announced my presidential "candidacy" last year, nearly 1.5 million people signed up for my Facebook group within a week. When you announced your "candidacy" to become the Milwaukee Bucks GM, your Facebook group barely topped 2,700 people in four days. I don't even have a question. You suck.
--S. Colbert, New York City

SG: In my defense, my Facebook group is approaching the number of Bucks season-ticket holders. So, um, I have that going for me.
(Come on, people of Milwaukee! Aren't you tired of losing? Aren't you tired of being irrelevant? Isn't it time for a change? You lost Brett Favre, Prince Fielder just became a vegetarian and the Bucks are headed for the lottery again. Name me one thing that has you excited about sports right now. You can't. I might have to change my campaign slogan from "YES WE CAN!" to "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?")

Q: If the Lakers win the title, do I get a championship ring?
--C. Wallace, Memphis

SG: I mean, you'd certainly deserve one more than Coby Karl, right? I say yes.

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:33 PM

Q: Why is everyone handing Kobe the MVP and counting me out? I'm carrying a lousy team and averaging nearly a triple-double every night. I play hard every game. I've become a really good rebounder and weak-side shotblocker at crunch time. I lift my offensive game at the end of every game and score with 2-3 guys guarding me. When I drive to the basket, I can go left or right and guys bounce off me like superballs. I always make the right pass. I always make the right play. Every time I'm on national TV, I put on a show. Basically, I became who you wanted me to be ... and if that's not enough, I'm only 23. Do you realize I'm the same age as MJ during the 63-point game at the Garden? That's right, I'M THE EXACT SAME AGE AS MJ DURING THE 63-POINT GAME!!!!!!! And you're all taking me for granted already??? Yeeeesh. No wonder MJ played baseball for two years.
--LeBron J., Cleveland

SG: Let's get one thing straight: MJ played baseball for two years because David Stern secretly suspended him for 18 months for gambling and told him to come back for the '95 playoffs. Get your facts straight. As for your other points, you're right -- you and Chris Paul are the leaders for MVP at the three-fourths mark because you're both having superlative seasons, as is Kobe, with the difference being that neither of you has Phil Jackson or a great bench, and in your case, you don't have even a borderline All-Star on your team. It's you and 11 role players. Switch you and Kobe and you'd be doing just as well, but he'd be gritting his way through every Cavs game on cruise control and leaking fake trade rumors through his agent. I also can't forgive Kobe for what happened during the first 15 games, when he moped around and pushed for a trade. Does someone do that during an MVP season? I say no.

Q: I DON'T CARE IF LEBRON JAMES AVERAGES A QUADRUPLE-DOUBLE FOR THE REST OF THIS SEASON, KOBE BRYANT IS THE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER IN THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION!!!!!!!!!!!
--S.A.S., New York City

SG: Um ... OK

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:34 PM

Q: Do you realize that, according to John Hollinger's PER rankings, I'm the 12th-best player in the NBA right now on a per-minute basis? I'm better than Al Jefferson, Carlos Boozer, Pau Gasol, Steve Nash, Deron Williams, Brandon Roy, Allen Iverson, David West, Paul Pierce, Monta Ellis and Baron Davis!
--C. Landry, Houston

SG: Wait, why haven't they asked you to be on the Dream Team yet? Is it too late to make a roster change? Boozer, you're not going to Beijing! You've been bumped by Carl Landry!

Q: Seriously, if they did the draft over again ... I mean, you have to admit, I'd go in the top 10, right? I was the hidden gem of the 2007 draft. Everyone thought I was 6-foot-7 when I'm really 6-foot-9. Everyone was worried about my torn ACL in college when my knee was fine. Everyone called me an undersized power forward when I was really the only true power forward in that entire draft. Even your boy Chad Ford gave the Rockets a D-plus after last year's draft. Now I'm the X-factor for the Rockets as we make our push to replace the Giants as the latest Ewing Theory team. So where would I go if they did the draft over again?
--C. Landry, Houston

SG: That's an excellent question. Oden, Durant, Horford and Conley would be the first four in some order. (After Oden's knee injury, would Portland still take him first and wait a year for him? Hard to say.) After that, it gets sketchy. Jeff Green hasn't exactly lit the NBA on fire, but Seattle still takes him at No. 5 because he's a character/intangibles guy and fills a specific need for them. At No. 6, there's no way in hell that Milwaukee takes Yi with the intention of keeping him -- he's just not good enough, and if he's really 23, we're looking at some Tskitishvili potential here. I see them taking Brandan Wright instead; he's looked good in short spurts lately and might be looming as an X-factor for the playoffs because of his ability to score down low.

Minnesota would follow with Al Thornton at No. 7 -- he'll never be an All-Star, and he's almost definitely one of those "good stats on bad teams" guys, but he can score in bunches and would be a nice fit with Al Jefferson. At No. 8, unquestionably, the Warriors would take Rudy Fernandez because he has more value than anyone left on the board (and they'd just wait a year for him).

That brings us to Chicago at No. 9. Joakim Noah's been OK, but he's an energy/intangibles guy and they already have plenty of those. You know what, Carl Landry? I think you go right here. The Bulls need a true power forward and you have a higher ceiling than Noah does. I'd have Noah dropping to 10 (the Kings), followed by Rodney Stuckey (who's as good as advertised) to Atlanta, Thaddeus Young (coming on like a freight train) to Philly, and then Big Baby (New Orleans), Javaris Crittenton (Clips), Corey Brewer (Pistons), Spencer Hawes (Wiz) and Jared Dudley (Jersey) rounding out the top 17.

One last thing: The No. 18 pick would be fascinating because the Warriors would be choosing between Sean Williams (an athletic rebounder/shotblocker who fits perfectly for them, right down to his potential as a head case) and Chairman Yi (possibly a bust, but a savvy pick because of the Bay Area's gigantic Asian community). Frankly, I don't know what they'd do.

Anyway, if you're scoring at home, the three "climbers" in the '07 draft would be Fernandez, Big Baby and Landry, and the four "droppers" would be Yi, Hawes, Brewer and Acie Law (although none of them would drop that far). Unlike our friends at Draft Express, I believe this will eventually end up being considered a good draft because of three potential franchise guys (the top-three ... and, yes, Horford is that good), two more potential All-Stars (Conley and, surprisingly, Thaddeus Young) and a slew of potential starters and quality role players. We will see. I'm just excited that we have a guy named "Thaddeus" in the NBA who might be really good.

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:35 PM

Q: Hey, I drafted Thaddeus Young! Don't I get credit for this?
--Billy K., Philly

SG: Absolutely. That pick raised your batting average to .185 with the Sixers. You're almost at the Mendoza Line.

Q: Do you have any idea why me and every other starter on my team feels nauseous? We're lethargic, we can't sleep, we're having trouble peeing and we're worried something's seriously wrong with us. The team was so concerned that they checked our locker room for mold and it came up negative. We all received complete physicals and we're fine. What's wrong with us?
--C. Paul, New Orleans

SG: Don't worry, these are common reactions after Bonzi Wells becomes your teammate. I wouldn't say you're fine, but it's definitely treatable. My advice would be to drink plenty of water, get plenty of sleep, try not to interact with him and, if possible, don't high-five him, touch him or even accidentally brush against him.

Q: You think you have a great life? I'm getting paid $20 million this year and $20 million next year to hang with my boys, play video games and watch TV. Top that, motha******.
--S. Marbury, New York

SG: Wait, shouldn't you be filming "Truck Party 2" with Mr. Marcus, Julian St. Croix, Jada Fire, Cherokee and a very special appearance by Kathleen Decker?

**theveed** · March 6th, 2008 07:47 PM

hahahaa

Q: Why do I have the feeling that I'm about six weeks away from wandering the streets of San Diego wearing a Ron Burgundy beard and drinking hot milk out of a carton?
--S. Kerr, Phoenix
SG: Settle down, it's only been two weeks! You can't expect the guys to adjust to Shaq that quickly, and you knew you'd miss Marion a little defensively. Give it some time. You won in Portland Tuesday night, right?
Q: I don't get it. We run the high screen, I get into the paint, I'm going for a layup and then Shaq's guy comes over and I end up throwing the ball off someone's face. Next time down, we run the high screen, I feed Amare for one of his runaway train dunks, and then Shaq's guy comes over and takes the charge. Then we move Shaq 15 feet away from the basket to give us space, but his guy realizes immediately that Shaq can't shoot, so he just stands under the rim and gets in our way. What the hell do we do? How do we solve this? My head hurts.
--S. Nash, Phoenix
SG: (Scratching my head, unable to come up with a response.)

Q: I'll ask you again: Why do I have the feeling that I'm about six weeks away from wandering the streets of San Diego wearing a Ron Burgundy beard and drinking hot milk out of a carton?
--S. Kerr, Phoenix
SG: (Wincing.)

**empy** · March 7th, 2008 12:17 PM

oist i-:banned: kaya yung mga not following rules by copy-pasting without quoting :snob:

**theveed** · March 7th, 2008 08:25 PM

Sadya yun... heheheh...

Based on this...http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/playoffm...xI.lLDhYO8vLYF

West 2nd Round will be:

Golden State vs. LA or Dallas
NO (they swept the Suns?!) vs Houston or Utah

Quite a good match-up... I'd love to see LA vs NO though...

East 2nd Round (Who cares, hehe...)

Boston vs. Orlando (KG vs DHo; Pierce vs Rashard; Hedo vs. RayRay.. NICE!)
Detroit vs. Cleveland (Can you say... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)