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July 11th, 2004 05:08 AM #1
Three Fridays ago, our guru on relationships, Joe d mango, read a letter
to his wife on his popular radio program Love Notes. For the past 11
years, he had been giving advice to people who would write him letters
about their personal problems. To the surprise of his listeners that
Friday, instead of reading one of his usual letters, he read one that he
had written himself to his wife Bing. Joe felt that he had to tell his
listeners that even someone like him could go through a marital crisis,
but
that he survived it.
In our 11 years of marriage it was just the two of us. I never had a close
circle of friends and she never had one either. Life for us was just "you
and me," day in and day out. We were literally sleeping beside each other
for 11 years. It came to a point that there was nothing more interesting
to talk about. I was aware I was doing that but I never did anything about
it. We were so close yet it seemed like we were so distant.
Then came her new circle of friends. They recently had an elementary and
high school reunion. Remember her persistent suitor since elementary days?
He was there. We already had four daughters and the guy had four kids of
his own. They exchanged phone numbers. They started to text each other and
this bothered me. A big part of it was insecurity and other part was that
she once denied that she was texting the guy. I felt bad because she
started hiding things from me. Then the guy asked her if they could meet
for lunch.
It became a source of tension between us. I finally agreed, but before
that, I told her that I felt that I was going through the same pain again.
I have seen so many stories like this. If! you told me the first part of
the story I would already know where it would lead to.
Bing accused me of being a "know-it-all" person. But deep in my heart I
knew where she was heading. Why would a married guy see a married girl
unless it was for business or professional reasons? Finally, even if it
was against my will, I drove her to the meeting place. While I was waiting
at the radio station, I wanted to call her but I knew it wasn't proper. So
I just waited for her to tell me how their meeting went.
When she related to me what happened I felt that she was keeping the other
details. I was afraid to ask because I wasn't prepared to accept her
answers. I told her that it would be best if that were their last meeting.
She got mad and told me that I was starting to control her life.
The following day, I saw a small, torn piece of paper that had the words,
"lose you" in the trashcan at home. I started picking up the pieces of
paper and putting them together. She had written: "Felt sad because I felt
that this will be our last meeting." "Wanted to hug you..." Before I could
figure out what the third one was, Bing was already at my back. She wanted
to get the torn pieces of paper back. She said it was private property. We
decided to talk. By then, I was able to figure out the third line: "Not
sure if afraid to lose you." She had crossed it out and beside it, she had
written, "Wanted to cry." That was what hit me. How could you lose
something that's not even with you yet? That was a confirmation that she
was getting emotionally attached to the guy. We fought because she didn't
want to admit it. She said that what she had written was all about
friendship and not about love. For the first time in our marriage she
asked for freedom from me.
For 11 years we were always together, and now this. She had discovered her
own little world and wanted to explore it. I didn't want to give it to her
but finally I gave in. I told her that she could do anything she wanted
and not worry about how I would feel. In fact, I told her that I was
planning to leave her and kids for a while so we could give each other the
chance to be alone.
We decided to give the new arrangement a try. The following day, Thursday,
I went to work early and she texted me. I never answered back. When I
didn't respond, she called me. She said, "I'm sorry. I love you and I miss
you." For the first time in our marriage I said, "I love you and I miss
you too" with tears in my eyes. I realized how much I loved her but I also
knew how much she wanted her freedom.
When I arrived at the station I asked for a leave. My boss advised & gt me
to think it over, but he said that he would allow me to go on leave. After
letting it all out I felt relieved. It was the first time in my life that
I asked for advice about our relationship.
While I was talking with my boss, a messenger arrived with 12 white roses
arranged in a basket. It came from Bing. Then a text message on my
cellphone came, "I know that no material things can ease the pain that
you're feeling right now, but these flowers signify my pure and sincere
intentions. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."
Still, a question continued to bug me: "I'm giving you the freedom. Will
you choose to stay or go on?" I read the card, and it had the answer to my
question: "Dear Dad, I finally realized that I made a very big mistake in
choosing a newfound friendship at the expense of our long-time friendship.
Please forgive me. I will always love you."
Bing called the guy and ! told him that she wanted to end the friendship.
He said that they could just text or call each other. Bing said that there
was no need. We had dinner and talked up to 1am. It was like getting
married all over again. We lost each other and found our way back. I do
not want to go through the same pain again.
Friday came and it was the first time in the history of Love Notes that I
couldn't do Love Notes. I scheduled a replay. When I was at the station at
9am, I composed a letter to Bing. I was asking myself, should I read this
or do a replay? I chose to read the letter.
It is not unusual to hear people say "I love you because..." but this
story has shown us that the deeper and greater love is having to say "I
LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF.."
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July 11th, 2004 08:03 AM #2
i'm with him...i think it's inexcusable for your wife to see a former romantic interest in secret.
it's not about freedom - it's about respecting your spouse's feelings. if the situation was reversed i bet she would have gone crazy with jealousy
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July 11th, 2004 08:30 AM #3
nung nabasa ko to, parang "aaawww" despite all the things that happened, he still proved na mahal na mahal nya wife nya...
sana ganito lahat ng guys... Ü
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July 11th, 2004 10:01 AM #5
'Kabutogata' was made from tortoiseshell or horn.
anong kayang feeling nito????
:D
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July 11th, 2004 10:54 AM #7Originally posted by edzzz
ay maling forum!!!!!
hehehe
I was reading the thread tapos biglang singit yung "Kabutogata" tawa ako ng tawa dito. sorry I really find it funny.
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July 11th, 2004 11:54 AM #9
in marriage, it's not about "freedom" because you are not "caged" or "in prison" in the first place.
YOU ARE COMMITED.and such committment is FREEDOM ITSELF.
naguluhan lang siguro ung wife niya..minsan talaga hindi maalis un lalo na sa mga matagal na laging magkasama ang dalawang tao.
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July 11th, 2004 12:12 PM #10
i agree, they should not limit theirselves to both of them
they must expand their world
Buhay na buhay ang BGC this evening. Bukas halos lahat ng restaurants. Sabi pa nung isang cashier...
Traffic!