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  1. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    3,790
    #1
    emailed to me by frat brod

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
    things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.

    ATTORNEY: Are you ***ually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
    forgot?
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
    voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep
    he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh....
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
    dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
    go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
    an autopsy on him!
    _______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh?
    ____________________________________________

    And the best for last!!!

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
    for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
    you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law.

  2. Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    2,976
    #2
    LOL!!!

  3. Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    223
    #3
    wonderful stuff! :clap:

  4. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    21,244
    #4
    this one i like best:

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
    go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    :bwahaha:

  5. Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    473
    #5
    i love the very last one,make you think who is smarter

  6. Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    8,837
    #6
    made by day hahahaha

  7. Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,049
    #7
    Haha, "oral". :lol:

  8. Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    3,362
    #8
    No matter how old this is, it's still funny. I see there's been some variation though.

  9. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    1,310
    #9
    read this a long time ago, but i still find it funny...kulet ng mga attorneys hahaha

Disorder in the court :twak2: