Dealing with my Anger after Wife Confessed Affair

[yapoy86]

at first i cannot blame the wifey for doing that since the hubby has "neglected" her but she has no right to do that..

but after all that talk with her husband.. I was expecting the wifey do her part to gain her husband's trust by at least sharing to her husband every little detail even text messages...

as per the TS updates, I cannot help but to think there is still something "naughty" going on...

the TS should not anymore do anything to the guy and focus on her wife... at least you have done your part to take her away from him.. no need to do the "barking thing", the guy already felt your presence assuming your wife stopped contacting him... even if the guy still contacted your wife, she has the choice to continue or not to..

remember that you are not the one having the affair and its your wife...now both of you has the second chance..its up to you both on how to fill the gap and shortcomings..

on the lighter side, May I suggest that you invite your wife to watch a movie... a great choice would be "TRUE LIES" starring arnold schwarzenegger and jamie lee curtis

[ghosthunter]

i still believe in comebacks.

And most people prefer happy endings to their movies but real life works differently from how relationships fair in movies... unfortunately.

if all efforts should fail, prepare for contingency plans. but imho, that's rather unthinkable for the wife to leave you since a)she confessed b)you are aware of the situation c)you have kids d)you are calm about it.

I don't think "revealing about a marital affair in the heat of an arguement" is a valid confession. It is more like insult to injury to me.

try to replace what should be a bitter treatment with sweetness. eventually, it's her conscience that will rule over her.

Without trust, you can throw everything else you have said out of the window. And since the wifey seems to be keen on keeping the current details away from the hubby, it is literally a situation defined as "sleeping with the enemy".

If sweetness is anywhere near the surface of the wifey's thoughts, I don't think it includes any plans with the hubby. Given she already has been keeping the affair going even with her revelation, its doubtful her conscience is giving the wifey any trouble.

How do I know? It's because I have been there and experienced through it already.

----------------------

Advise to the TS: check your financials and properties. Because if and when your wife leaves you, she can legally claim & take 50% of everything you have & own unless you make certain precautions. (Do you really want to finance "their" honeymoon?)

[_Cathy_]

and you suppose there is nothing wrong (not exactly "wrong" as in wrong) with the TS? the TS even acknowledged it.

It was a rhetorical question. I hate repeating myself but for your clarification - what I think is wrong with the TS is that he blames only himself and the guy for the problem when in fact it is his wife that is the problem. TATLO sila na may kasalanan at hindi DALAWA.

read again the first post of the TS. picture the situation the partners were into...

I know how to read and comprehend.

that could have led to the "emotional" relationship with the sweet-talking guy...perhaps TS can still remedy the situation...pero, sympre with his spouse cooperation, otherwise, hell breaks loose...

Emotional. Emotional. Emotional. No matter how you put it - an affair is an affair. What is in question here is the wife's character. Kahit si Brad Pitt o Jude Law pa lumapit sa kanya o sino mang Adonis at her most vulnerable situation, if her moral fiber is strong, she wouldn't give in to temptation.

[Gen. Miting]

if the guy found it on a piece of paper with cell# then this must be serendipity. mahirap kalabanin ang fate na'to.

but when you pretended to be your wife, and the guy texted you with the words: text me if you want a bf. wow the class

well, that's romance out of the window. wag mo na pagaksayahan ng panahon

[empy]

Ages ago, I would have said this is an excellent idea, but not today. There is a lot of good advice on the thread, and I apologize if I haven't acknowledged the individual posts. I will at some point.

I'm afraid I have to back off for a while due to another incident, and sort things out for myself, and then with her. To continue the metaphor, I have to make sure whether my house is still smoldering. The other guy is not the primary thing for me right now.

that was a joke....just to be clear but if you change your mind mag-imbita ka ha! (ok, that was a joke again).

anyway, i don't get why it is you who has to try so hard to repair the marriage? it even looks like you're the one who's fighting to regain HER trust...which is such backwards logic it makes my head ache :headache:

[ghosthunter]

anyway, i don't get why it is you who has to try so hard to repair the marriage? it even looks like you're the one who's fighting to regain HER trust...which is such backwards logic it makes my head ache :headache:

Again, I have been in the same situation. The situation felt as if it is the husband's fault of not living up to the expectations of the role so he ends up feeling guilty of having been the spark for the current situation.

Now it depends if the TS understands it is not his fault. As for trying to repair the marriage, it really depends on how committed you are in trying to keep the relationship (in bad and good times as mentioned in the marital vows).

[gearhead]

Could be me but something doesn't add up.

Time to call Mr. Bigote?

[mbeige]

In truth, we here cannot fully advise you properly on what you should or should not do, because we do not know the whole story - her side. Not that we do not trust you, but we may give the wrong advice just by listening to your side.

I think it is in your best interest to truly seek marriage counseling, as Pekto recommended. That way, both sides can and will be heard.

If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, my only advise is please do not be blinded by it. Know what you want in your relationship, find the means to achieve it, but if all else fails, it probably just was not meant to be. You have to decide who takes custody of the children, properties, finances, etc. Like Ghosthunter implied, brace yourself for any surprises and be diligent in knowing all agreements between you and your wife, should the marriage fail.

Like you've said, your wife fell for this dope. Do not feel so bad about yourself, you have to quickly change your mind and focus on snapping your wife back into reality. Once she sees what kind of a dope he is (I'll leave it up to you to decide how to approach this), hopefully she'll wake up and realize it was all just a bad nightmare.

[Gen. Miting]

^ i agree. something must be really off with the other guy.

una, your wife confessed na mayroon sila emotional relationship. an aggressive guy couldn't care less about emotional problems of others. pero this guy loves to have emotional talk with the other ***.

the guy loves to text and texts anonymous phone #'s found in pieces of paper. this month lang ata, i got 3 peso bills with cellphone #'s. if you're happy and contented with your life, i-text mo ba naman yun stranger #'s na yun?

there are plenty of lonely people in this world. lonely wives, lonely guys, loners. if two lonely people match up, tingin ko sasabog yun sooner or later. the same reason why statistics show na yun mga nag-EB sa mga internet chat, ham radio or texting madalas hindi effective. kasi both lonely nga. kukuha ka ba naman ng better half mo thru text, or chat or e-mail or some other blind date communications.

matakot ka kung ang wife mo, ang sinsikreto eh cool hunk. but I highly doubt na cool hunk kasi cool hunks dont hangout with needy girls. lalong lalo na yun may sama ng loob sa asawa ang reason. sa emotional burden pa lang/negativity ng needy wife, ma-turn off na kagad ang cool hunk.

[Gen. Miting]

that was a joke....just to be clear but if you change your mind mag-imbita ka ha! (ok, that was a joke again).

anyway, i don't get why it is you who has to try so hard to repair the marriage? it even looks like you're the one who's fighting to regain HER trust...which is such backwards logic it makes my head ache :headache:

if you'll read back, i think he mentioned na mas grabe pa sya dati. so i guess nambabae din ang threadstarter and what's happening right now is karma in the making.

the illogical thing about this is why is the TS zeroing in/ or more obssessed on the other guy and not the wifey.

could it be that he may know who the other guy is? perhaps the wife of his past flings . and his wife is drawn to the other guy bec. yun na nga they had something in common. may napanood ako na ganito yun kay Harrison ford ba yun, just can't remember the title.

the other guy did mention that he knows his wife.

anyway, just a theory. mag-open ka na kasi ng husto TS para all cards in the table.