Dealing with my Anger after Wife Confessed Affair

[ghosthunter]

angryhubby,

You do realize that by getting even with the guy, you're only letting him hurt you all the more.

No matter how many pranks you set up, he will always have the satisfaction that you let him get to your nerves and mess with your psyche. And that makes him the ultimate victor in this story, not you.

Its not about who is the "ultimate victory"... no one is keeping score here.

It is simply the acting of getting back at someone who did you wrong. It need not be the same degree of "wrongness", simply that you were able to do something against "him" is enough.

You guys are too narrow visioned in thinking about "revenge" as eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth kind of revenge.

[ghosthunter]

Where did this come from? I said go to the firing range, OR to the track to let out pent up emotions, but do not take it directly onto the other person. That was what I meant. You're too caught up with your emotions.

Maybe you missed the point of why you would end up shooting a gun at a paper target or hurtling a car around a race track? The reason why you are there is you are trying to burn off pent up emotions about your wife having an affair with another guy. I don't think it's enough because an idle mind will go back to focus to WHY you are there in the first place. This is not simply work stress that you are trying burning off. It goes much deeper into one's emotional core.

I was hoping you'd serve as a good example rather than posting vengeful advice.

It might not be good advise to you but it is the better kind of advise than to passively accept "what-is-done-is-done" philosophy and push it on to someone who is clearly NOT into that kind thinking. As all of us have different religions, we also have different ways of thinking and philosophies on "life". If you are giving advise, be more flexible with the kind of advise you are giving to make sure it fits the person who you are giving it to.

I would rather let him have his mind busy planning & executing a small prank than let it idle. As we all know, an idle mind is the devil's playground.

[Bogeyman]

You guys are too narrow visioned in thinking about "revenge" as eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth kind of revenge.

Because that IS the very definition of 'revenge' - to carry out a bitter desire to injure another for a wrong done to oneself or to those who are felt to be like oneself.

Manifesting that bitter desire through seemingly harmless pranks carries the risk of involving innocent people, as already mentioned earlier. To dismiss that scenario as collateral damage is to trivialize that risk. And for what? Just to assert one's misplaced manhood or display a warped, self-righteous sense of justice?

I would rather let him have his mind busy planning & executing a small prank than let it idle. As we all know, an idle mind is the devil's playground.

For my part, I'd rather let him have his mind busy on the things that will benefit his marriage in the short and long term, rather than engage in a series of pranks against some jerk that will benefit only his ego.

[mbeige]

I don't think it's enough because an idle mind will go back to focus to WHY you are there in the first place. This is not simply work stress that you are trying burning off. It goes much deeper into one's emotional core.

Again, this is where our difference lies. I've already acknowledged our difference in point of view and I am not pushing the issue with you, do not take this personally.

I agree that it gets rooted into the psyche for the remainder of one's life, and that this is no traumatic experience that's easily brushed off. But would you rather hold a grudge, or let go instead?

It might not be good advise to you but it is the better kind of advise than to passively accept "what-is-done-is-done" philosophy and push it on to someone who is clearly NOT into that kind thinking. As all of us have different religions, we also have different ways of thinking and philosophies on "life". If you are giving advise, be more flexible with the kind of advise you are giving to make sure it fits the person who you are giving it to.

I agree that we should not push it to somebody who believes otherwise. That is why it's called advice. Kinda wished you also felt the same way, because as I mentioned above, we see things differently. If you think the thread starter should take action, go ahead. If there are consequences of him doing so, he should accept them before he even does it. Otherwise, he's mature enough to decide for himself.

I would rather let him have his mind busy planning & executing a small prank than let it idle. As we all know, an idle mind is the devil's playground.

With all due respect, if he does seek revenge in whatever form he desires, and suffers the consequences of it to a far more significant degree, could you sleep knowing you provided that advice to him and he's now suffering more because of that?

We believe different things, and we provide our own advice to the thread starter. This is not an argument between you and me. I sincerely hope our small talk helps him move on, whichever path he chooses.

[ghosthunter]

For my part, I'd rather let him have his mind busy on the things that will benefit his marriage in the short and long term, rather than engage in a series of pranks against some jerk that will benefit only his ego.

But that is the point. The TS has had an ego shattering experience. His actions will help benefit him by rebuilding his ego.

[ghosthunter]

I agree that it gets rooted into the psyche for the remainder of one's life, and that this is no traumatic experience that's easily brushed off. But would you rather hold a grudge, or let go instead?

Do you think it is reasonable to advise to "let go" at this point in time? The grudge will always be there. "Letting go" will come with time. It is in how we see the process that we differ.

I agree that we should not push it to somebody who believes otherwise. That is why it's called advice. Kinda wished you also felt the same way, because as I mentioned above, we see things differently. If you think the thread starter should take action, go ahead. If there are consequences of him doing so, he should accept them before he even does it. Otherwise, he's mature enough to decide for himself.

With all due respect, if he does seek revenge in whatever form he desires, and suffers the consequences of it to a far more significant degree, could you sleep knowing you provided that advice to him and he's now suffering more because of that?

Would you rather him simmer in his own hatred and take it out on someone around him? It is clear that the TS needs an outlet for his pent up emotions and "pranks" will serve him the best way, as an outlet and therapy for his emotions as well.

I still owe someone my harden fist into his face. That is my personal revenge waiting for it's time. And I sleep very soundly every night knowing that "he" knows it.

[mbeige]

Do you think it is reasonable to advise to "let go" at this point in time? The grudge will always be there. "Letting go" will come with time. It is in how we see the process that we differ.

As Bogeyman stated, at this point it is more important to focus his effort and time to further strengthen his marriage. You can't channel your positive energy properly, if you're utilizing your negative energy into mischievous pranks.

Would you rather him simmer in his own hatred and take it out on someone around him? It is clear that the TS needs an outlet for his pent up emotions and "pranks" will serve him the best way, as an outlet and therapy for his emotions as well.

As for best, well, let's leave that to the thread starter to decide, shall we?

I still owe someone my harden fist into his face. That is my personal revenge waiting for it's time. And I sleep very soundly every night knowing that "he" knows it.

I'm sorry you still feel that way. My only concern at this point, is that the thread starter decides which is the best path for him to move on.

[CoDer]

Eheheee... Come on GH let it go na. Hanap na lang tayo ng bagong chickas.

[Gen. Miting]

There is a line between taking "prank" revenge and actually becoming the 3rd party to someone else's relationship as revenge.

If that is your prefered course of action, you have become what you hated in the first place. You lost the war of being morally better than your intended target.

revenge is always immoral so why not hit him where it hurts the most.

[ghosthunter]

revenge is always immoral so why not hit him where it hurts the most.

OB, maybe when your opinion actually matters.

From your reasoning, it would sound that dropping a water balloon on the guy is as "evil" as giving him a bloody nose.