Dealing with my Anger after Wife Confessed Affair

[ghosthunter]

*Ghosthunter:
Well, if I'm honest, I'd hate to be in the shoes of those who've gone through something similar, or worse. That's why, I said "if" maturity was the deciding factor, then etc. I'm not saying it's "the" deciding factor.

My point is, there's no need to take it out on that level. Go to the firing range and let loose a couple of magazines, go to the track and burn some rubber. There are many things one can do to vent out anger, and that's not necessarily at the expense of the offending person. Why stoop to his level anyway, does it feel good?

Yes it does. It has that very satisfying feeling of getting the full point across to the intended receiver without all those undue delays. Heck, be thankful I didn't suggest to personally beat up the guy. All I said was to take out the hate and anger in doing pranks on the 3rd party, just to make his life somewhat miserable.

I guess shooting guns and driving like a maniac somewhere seems so much better. Makes me wonder what image you have in your mind when you are shooting at the target with a full automatic assault rifle or hurtling around a race track's back curve at 180kph into the crash barriers. I guess driving on a race track for you doesn't require a level & sharp mind and quiet emotions to keep a mass of steel and four wheels on the asphalt.

Maybe I'm not the confrontational type, but I'm also worried, that by being a moderator, you're also posting these sort of things.

So I cannot post anything as a person as well?... Am I not a person who can also feel emotions as well as anyone else?... Can't I bleed if I get cut? ... Am I less of a person if I am a moderator? I am not a machine. I am just a person with the task of keeping general peace and order in the forums of tsikot.com ...

The threadstarter, whoever he is, already mentioned that it was an emotional affair and I pray it's nothing more. I think your advice, in my opinion, was too harsh. Finally, there's no point in doing that, if it was also partly you or your wife's fault that it occurred.

Maybe you, being a non-confrontational type, miss the point of having someone who completely understands one's situation? ...

And who said maturity is always the proper solution for everything anyway? Sometimes letting emotions go their own course can have better results than any other method. There is a proper place and timing for everything.

As for the "affair", I tend to see people tend to lie a great deal on things they seem to be confessing to. It would be good if the affair was really just purely emotional but who couldn't say it didn't get physical as well?

And even if it's just "purely emotional"... the trust is severely strained. I can already see the guy's eyes looking over to her in suspicion with every SMS/TXT message that arrives on her cellphone. In the bare minimum, if she is wholeheartedly cutting all ties with the 3rd party, wouldn't changing the mobile number be the first thing to do? Yet she is keeping the number. For what purpose would it do except keep in contact with the 3rd party at her convinience.

[angryhubby]

As for the "affair", I tend to see people tend to lie a great deal on things they seem to be confessing to. It would be good if the affair was really just purely emotional but who couldn't say it didn't get physical as well?

And even if it's just "purely emotional"... the trust is severely strained. I can already see the guy's eyes looking over to her in suspicion with every SMS/TXT message that arrives on her cellphone. In the bare minimum, if she is wholeheartedly cutting all ties with the 3rd party, wouldn't changing the mobile number be the first thing to do? Yet she is keeping the number. For what purpose would it do except keep in contact with the 3rd party at her convinience.

emotional, physical, yes there is a difference, but they're both terribly crushing either way. there are times i dwell on the details. where i was while they were meeting each other, the fact that he was so close to her and staring at her. all the times she was thinking of him, even when we were together. how her attention was on him, even while our family was going out. his no. on her telephone bill is a constant reminder.

most of all, there is the bitter regret that it was all in my power to have prevented it had i just given her the attention and understanding she deserved.

She has indeed changed her number, it took a while, because it was a post paid line, and it took some actions from me. I suppose for a while, she may have been half wishing she would hear from him.

but not anymore. we've reconciled. we talk a lot now about our fifteen years together, the bad, the hurtful, but in the end thankful, that we found, have and are keeping each other. and how and what we need to change about ourselves and our relationship. it's a honeymoon period i want to extend to forever.

i have found out things about the guy, and let her know some of the lies he was peddling. she's mortified at the thought that she actually became affected by him. it was really less him, and more her wanting to believe. i wish she would allow me to show her my complete file, but after what i initially said, she refuses to talk about it.

the guy is a player. two friendster accounts and two phones, one for real, the other for his fun. and get this, he tries to mulch from his chicks, even from her. a real gigolo. he has a pretty girlfriend, and i'm finding a way to communicate with her.

i have already designed my plan, and similar to ghosthunter's suggestion, it's a series of escalating "pranks" to make life miserable, or at least constantly disturbing. nothing physical, all psychological. as much as i would want to confront him physically, he's not worth what i have to stake just to do so. so i decided on guerilla tactics, and i have no plan of ever giving him any confirmation of who it is that is doing this to him.

yes, there is a lot of satisfaction in finally being able to hit back. it may seem cowardly to some that i don't take my vengeance like a man and whup his ass, but i've made my choice.

and there is that stubborn voice which tells me not to go through with it, because it's all just for my own personal satisfaction. i told it to go shut up for a while, but will heed it later.

[ghosthunter]

*angryhubby

At least your story ended better than mine. I hope you can find (in time) to trust your wife fully again as before all this happened.

Have fun.

[creepy]

i have already designed my plan, and similar to ghosthunter's suggestion, it's a series of escalating "pranks" to make life miserable, or at least constantly disturbing. nothing physical, all psychological. as much as i would want to confront him physically, he's not worth what i have to stake just to do so. so i decided on guerilla tactics, and i have no plan of ever giving him any confirmation of who it is that is doing this to him.

I hope what you do really humiliates him.

yes, there is a lot of satisfaction in finally being able to hit back. it may seem cowardly to some that i don't take my vengeance like a man and whup his ass, but i've made my choice.

No, I don't think it's cowardly at all. Yep, you should give karma a helping hand.

[Gen. Miting]

since the discussion is now shifting to the revenge option,

may i suggest the ff:

seduce the wife or gf of the 3rd party, if any
seduce the sister of the 3rd party, if any
seduce the mother of the 3rd party. if I remember correctly, the other guy was being proud of his accomplishments and called your wife a "MILF" in front of his friends. so that will be the most painful thing for him, if his own mother got seduced.

now kung hindi masikmura any of the above (like for example, hindi mo naman type yun mga girls of other guy's life), pay somebody else to do it.

[ghosthunter]

since the discussion is now shifting to the revenge option,

may i suggest the ff:

seduce the wife or gf of the 3rd party, if any
seduce the sister of the 3rd party, if any
seduce the mother of the 3rd party. if I remember correctly, the other guy was being proud of his accomplishments and called your wife a "MILF" in front of his friends. so that will be the most painful thing for him, if his own mother got seduced.

now kung hindi masikmura any of the above (like for example, hindi mo naman type yun mga girls of other guy's life), pay somebody else to do it.

There is a line between taking "prank" revenge and actually becoming the 3rd party to someone else's relationship as revenge.

If that is your prefered course of action, you have become what you hated in the first place. You lost the war of being morally better than your intended target.

[cablespy]

If that is your prefered course of action, you have become what you hated in the first place. You lost the war of being morally better than your intended target.

Quoted for truth

[mbeige]

Yes it does. It has that very satisfying feeling of getting the full point across to the intended receiver without all those undue delays. Heck, be thankful I didn't suggest to personally beat up the guy. All I said was to take out the hate and anger in doing pranks on the 3rd party, just to make his life somewhat miserable.

That's where we differ. It's not worth my time making his life miserable.

I guess shooting guns and driving like a maniac somewhere seems so much better. Makes me wonder what image you have in your mind when you are shooting at the target with a full automatic assault rifle or hurtling around a race track's back curve at 180kph into the crash barriers. I guess driving on a race track for you doesn't require a level & sharp mind and quiet emotions to keep a mass of steel and four wheels on the asphalt.

Where did this come from? I said go to the firing range, OR to the track to let out pent up emotions, but do not take it directly onto the other person. That was what I meant. You're too caught up with your emotions.

So I cannot post anything as a person as well?... Am I not a person who can also feel emotions as well as anyone else?... Can't I bleed if I get cut? ... Am I less of a person if I am a moderator? I am not a machine. I am just a person with the task of keeping general peace and order in the forums of tsikot.com ...

I was hoping you'd serve as a good example rather than posting vengeful advice.

Maybe you, being a non-confrontational type, miss the point of having someone who completely understands one's situation? ...

Not sure where you're getting at here.

And who said maturity is always the proper solution for everything anyway? Sometimes letting emotions go their own course can have better results than any other method. There is a proper place and timing for everything.

Nobody said maturity is always the proper solution. Read what I said again.

[Bogeyman]

angryhubby,

You do realize that by getting even with the guy, you're only letting him hurt you all the more.

No matter how many pranks you set up, he will always have the satisfaction that you let him get to your nerves and mess with your psyche. And that makes him the ultimate victor in this story, not you.

[mbeige]

angryhubby,

You do realize that by getting even with the guy, you're only letting him hurt you all the more.

No matter how many pranks you set up, he will always have the satisfaction that you let him get to your nerves and mess with your psyche. And that makes him the ultimate victor in this story, not you.

Exactly my point, on why it's just much better to let it go, move on and win the wife a thousand fold over, rather than waste time stooping to the offending guy's level. Those little pranks will never sum up to the amount of hurt he caused you. In hindsight you might actually feel that what pranks you came up with, was never enough, and you'll probably want more, until it gets really bad.

If he finds out about the pranks, he might find a way to get back and deal more damage. Close the door and prevent another incident from ruining your family.