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  1. Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    688
    #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Chip View Post
    BEWARE!... guess who shell be going to for advice? And guess what kind of poison they'll be pouring in her ear? I'm willing to bet that they will only reinforce her doubts and use their own experiences to validate her fears. I'm not saying its a certainty, but its a very real possibility.
    Hi MR.

    Chip is right. It could happen to her because of emulation or role-modeling.
    And it could even be genetic. Our physique does to a certain extent condition our psyche and character development. However, these can be overcome by education, free choice, and love.

    I would agree with Horsepower, too. Some kind of intergenerational healing will be necessary. Marriage is not just physical, emotional, or intellectual affair. It's a spiritual union that requires a modicum of spiritual well-being.

    With that in place, the tendency to split up is superable. Both of them would be in a better position to understand love to be - beyond feelings and circumstances - a DELIBERATE CHOICE aided by spiritual resources to remain with each other and work life out together daily. Look at it this way: They still have a chance to imagine the worst-case scenarios before they tie the knot, and to simulate the problem-solving processes that will see them sticking it out together in the end.

    BTW, three years is not long enough to guarantee a lasting relationship. Feel-good hormones usually fade after five. Without spiritual resources, all hell breaks loose after that. A lot of couples dive in with nary a notion of what marriage is about and how to know who to marry. Basta sabak na lang. Tsk, tsk.

    Maybe you can suggest that they attend an "engaged-encounter" seminar before they marry. Parang "marriage encounter", pero prior to the wedding.

    They can also avail of support groups they are comfortable with. It's almost impossible to persevere nowadays without some support group.
    Last edited by dprox; October 16th, 2007 at 01:59 AM.
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  2. Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    8,837
    #22
    my advice to your bro, dont think about it bec. if he thinks about it it will happen. i'm in the same dilemma as him right now.

  3. Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    565
    #23
    i observed from my relatives who are a broken family (hiwalay magulang at may kanya kanyang partner) it is very easy for my cousins to do the same thing (maghiwalay din) para kasing ginagaya nila mga parents nila..

    for those who are married, we all know that married life is not always a bed of roses, maraming pagsubok na darating at dumarating sa buhay ng mag asawa. at sa mga pagsubok na yan, sino ba ang lalapitan natin para sa payo, inde ba mga magulang at kapatid natin?

    kung mga mga magulang ay hiwalay, anong payo ang ibibigay nila? kung ang mga magulang ay nagawang maghiwalay, kaya din ng mga anak...

    easy way out ika nga..

    well, this is just my observation...

    siempre, maraming elements ang dapat iconsider sa pagpili ng mapapangasawa, gaya ng health condition, educational background, family background, compatibility at siyempre, pagmamahal...

  4. Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    733
    #24
    in this world of ours where everything is possible? who knows? i don't believe in fate. i believe your life can be whatever you want it to be. ultimately the couple will be the one to decide that's why they should be the masters of their lives. in the end they have to do what will make them happy not what will make others happy.

    if they have to divorce and that's what they want, let them. maybe it will happen and maybe not. maybe in the end they will be old & happy together! that's life. you have to take the good and the bad. that's what makes it interesting. try not to worry about it too much.

    but what do i know. my first relationship failed too! but i think i'm happier now!

  5. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    9,894
    #25
    sure it can. maybe not from a nature perspective, but a nurture perspective.

    take a young boy growing up whose father (and maybe male relatives) habitually cheat on their wives. if all your role models growing up engaged in this behavior, then you might be inclined to do the same thing too...especially if cheating is positioned as some macho, spread-your-seed kind of thing.

    therefore that young boy may be predisposed to engaging in the same behaviors when he grows up...and therefore his wife would be inclined to divorce his ass later on.

    or a girl whose father is a total sh*t. because as bad as he is, he's still her role model. she might then seek out men who treat her like garbage because of the self-esteem issues she's developed, and that she somehow "deserves it".

    actually, come to think of it, a bad family environment is not just a breeding ground for divorce - it's a breeding ground for all kinds of psychological issues that may result in divorce. it may also result in psychosis or suicide as well.

    the TS should examine the family situation of the girl in question - did she grow up in a neglectful, abusive or absentee environment? that might be a more telling sign than whether multiple family members got divorced or separated....

  6. Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    22,710
    #26
    Unfortunately, I think that statistics support the idea that divorce can run in families.

    Not genetically, maybe, but there's a mindset there that's supported by hereditary behavioral or personality traits and reinforced by family culture and their views about marriage.

    But forget about genetics and family.

    What's important is how the couple feels about each other and what they see their relationship as.

    Is it merely ***ual lust?

    Is it about continuing the family line through their children?

    Or is it a partnership entered into because of and for genuine love and commitment?

    There are a lot of broken marriages and relationships in my family. But my Lolo and Lola stayed together for over forty years before my Lola died. I have relatives who've divorced or separated due to infidelity, "falling out of love" or because of infertility (terrible reasons, all)... but I have relatives who've been married for twenty or thirty years, without children (unhappily so) but still devoted to each other.

    What matters most is how you see your spouse... as a ***ual object? as an asset? as the bearer of your kids? as a housewife? None of these are good reasons.

    You marry because you want to be with the other person for the rest of your life, and you want to make them happy. Not because they make you happy. And you both have to feel the same way.

    That's the number one difference between a long term couple and a separated couple. Pure, unselfish love. But if your spouse or companion won't give you that, then you're probably better off without her, anyway.

    Ang pagbalik ng comeback...

  7. Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    3,722
    #27
    Thanks guys! My bro will surely be enlightened by the time he reads all of these.

    dprox - Great insights you got there especially about the spiritual union that requires spiritual well-being. It was the sort of thing that me and my wife had to go through before we got married. Feel good hormones expiring after 5 years? Right on the head! That's what my wife and I experienced when before. It was a period of soul searching for the both of us, especially because by that time we already knew so much of each other so we ended up asking each other "what next?".

    Niky - Good point in asking what they see their relationship as. It is a simple question but sometimes can be overlooked even by the most loving pair. The answer to that can also determine if they really have to get married or not.

    By the way guys, the girl ain't preggy. They just plan to get married here then start a new life abroad.

  8. Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    3,722
    #28
    Quote Originally Posted by empy View Post
    actually, come to think of it, a bad family environment is not just a breeding ground for divorce - it's a breeding ground for all kinds of psychological issues that may result in divorce. it may also result in psychosis or suicide as well.

    the TS should examine the family situation of the girl in question - did she grow up in a neglectful, abusive or absentee environment? that might be a more telling sign than whether multiple family members got divorced or separated....
    Well she grew up pretty much in a well loved environment with her Dad. That's according to my bro. Her dad is pretty protective of her. My bro and I learned that early on . Gets what she wants almost since she is a bit of a Daddy's Girl.

    Her sister is also pretty much ok, a bit materialistic and liberated but other than that she's alright.

  9. Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    1,416
    #29
    They will never know until they try, kahit ano ang mangyari sa relasyon nila walang dapat ikatakot, ang mahalaga sinubukan nila.

  10. Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    9,894
    #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Memphis Raines View Post
    Well she grew up pretty much in a well loved environment with her Dad. That's according to my bro. Her dad is pretty protective of her. My bro and I learned that early on . Gets what she wants almost since she is a bit of a Daddy's Girl.

    Her sister is also pretty much ok, a bit materialistic and liberated but other than that she's alright.
    ok. i wouldn't be too worried then.

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Can divorce run in the family?